I'm starting a religion that properly represents the actual Jesus in the Bible and the ramblings of his angry old man.
... Presenting ...
... Presenting ...
![[Image: lazyjesus_zps88e5f71d.jpg]](http://s1118.photobucket.com/user/jcincain/media/Public/lazyjesus_zps88e5f71d.jpg.html)
![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
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Current time: November 7, 2024, 1:40 pm
| Poll: The Church of Lazy Jesus This poll is closed. |
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| I am interested in hearing more about this legitimate take on the Bible. | 7 | 63.64% | |
| Are you kidding me!?! Who WOULDN'T sign up for The Church of Lazy Jesus! | 4 | 36.36% | |
| Total | 11 vote(s) | 100% | |
| * You voted for this item. | [Show Results] |
Thread Rating:
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The Church of Our Lord ...
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 (May 21, 2013 at 9:49 pm)Cinjin Wrote: I'm starting a religion that properly represents the actual Jesus in the Bible and the ramblings of his angry old man. I love it!
Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere. - Carl Sagan
Professional Watcher of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report!  RE: The Church of Our Lord ...
May 22, 2013 at 10:11 am
(This post was last modified: May 22, 2013 at 11:20 am by Cinjin.)
At the Church of Lazy Jesus ...
No service may ever begin before 2pm. Lazy Jesus needs his rest. Members must bring their own alcohol. Lazy Jesus likes his water to taste more like wine. Donations to victims of natural disasters must be minimal. Lazy Jesus doesn't like to help large amounts of people. Of course, prayer is always better than donations. No cash, no work, no hassle, and Lazy Jesus always approves. More tenets and dogma of our faith to come.  May you be one of the rare lucky ones to feel the vague love of our lord and savior, Lazy Jesus. 
In keeping with the theme, Lazy Jesus tells us that the way to find him is to just "ask." Seeking and knocking are way too much fucking work.
"Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape- like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered."
-Stephen Jay Gould
Lazy Jesus appreciates this concept and invites you into his flock.
The Church of Lazy Jesus would like to remind all parishioners to provide your own recliner for napping during any Sunday service. 
You mean I have to actually pray? Couldn't I just text? I can do that with one hand.
“To terrify children with the image of hell, to consider women an inferior creation—is that good for the world?”
― Christopher Hitchens "That fear first created the gods is perhaps as true as anything so brief could be on so great a subject". - George Santayana "If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed". - George Carlin 
Tell me that I don't have to actually show up every week... I think that showing up but a year is more than enough. I think that having service but once a year is ideal. Just make it short, please
Please give me a home where cloud buffalo roam
Where the dear and the strangers can play
Where sometimes is heard a discouraging word
But the skies are not stormy all day
Instead of turning water into wine, Lazy Jesus sends an angel out for Two-Buck Chuck.
(May 22, 2013 at 5:20 pm)Violet Lilly Blossom Wrote: Tell me that I don't have to actually show up every week... I think that showing up but a year is more than enough. I think that having service but once a year is ideal. Just make it short, please Here at the Church of Lazy Jesus, that kind of devotion to laziness is rewarded. People like you make Lazy Jesus proud to be our lord. (May 22, 2013 at 7:04 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: Instead of turning water into wine, Lazy Jesus sends an angel out for Two-Buck Chuck. So true. So true. You have to be a truly lazy fuck to be omni-present and STILL create hundreds of thousands of angels to do shit for you. Bless Our lord, Lazy jesus for his shining example of laziness. Amen. |
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