The Last Movie You Watched

[Gwaithmir]

[TheJefe817]

The Bob's Burgers Movie was just released on HBO Max.  I'm a fan, so I watched today.  The good news is that it's like 5 episodes all put together with a continuous narrative.  The bad news is, in my opinion, that the optimum length of an animated story is 22 minutes.  Much like South Park and The Simpsons in their films, there's just too many rapid-fire clever bits happening, and it frankly got a little exhausting to me by the end.  Perhaps I should have watched it a bit at a time instead.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, I was hoping to take on the 1998 Avengers movie, but the VPN crapped out after about ten minutes and it's basically just the most stereotypical British spy thriller in history. At least for the 10 minutes I watched it before ExpressVPN's Japanese server crapped out and I couldn't watch it. 

So, this week, I'm on my backup, Joe Piscopo: A Night at Club Piscopo. For the record, Piscopo was one of the many former cast members of SNL whose career peaked on the show. But his time was too early for him to just coast on Happy Madison movies. Indeed, during the darkest days of the series, he was one of the few saving graces of the show. Well, him and Eddie Murphy. And once Eddie Murphy left the show for greener pastures, Piscopo's left adrift. So, he ends up wallowing in obscurity. And in 2012, Showtime decides to film two nights of his nightclub act. I actually watched King of Comedy because one of the few reviews of the special I could find compared Piscopo in this special to Rupert Pupkin. But, then again, when that movie actually gets to show Pupkin's act, it's at least a little bit funny.



This special, despite everything I've just mentioned about how Piscopo is potentially talented, is extremely dull. There's some SNL stories, but they're not all that interesting. There's stories about how he met some celebrities who seemed to just barely tolerate him, whether it's Sinatra or Jay-Z. And frustratingly, the flow is broken up by these stupid fucking interview spots that barely have anything to do with anything. And while he does have a good point about how frustrating it can be to get copyright to cover some songs, when he gets into the subject, you come to the realisation that a lot of this set is just going to be him covering public domain songs in the style of artists like Frank Sinatra and Johnny Cash. I strongly suspect that for the prices Joe Piscopo charged, you could probably get a better Sinatra (&c) impersonator and he'd even play the proper songs. And after about a third of the special goes on, you start to figure out that it's just going to be songs and lead-up to songs. At one point, they even have him rapping and even Brian Wilson made a better rapper than Joe Piscopo:



And when he does his Letterman impersonation, I find myself wishing for the public domain songs yet again. Though, I have to admit, his cover of Gymnopedie #1 on flute is at least barely passable. And he's also a somewhat better pianist, though his sax leaves much to be desired. And the special ends with him impersonating Johnny Cash and running the line "just to watch him die" straight into the ground. Next week is Shark Week so it's Shark Exorcist.

[Megabullshit]

The last movie i watched was , Jurassic World Dominion

I went to the theater and watched it in 3D .

I would give it a 7/10

[Rev. Rye]

In commemoration of Shark Week, this week in the Deep Hurting Project: Shark Exorcist. It's a film so bad that, for a time, I Hate Everything considered it the worst movie he had ever seen.

• A barefoot nun just sacrificed a girl to Satan. Or a CGI shark, apparently. I wonder if her decision to kill some random girl for Satan means she's less interested in the vows of chastity.
  
• And why do I get the feeling that there's no way a great white shark could live in that body of water? 
  
• Huh. It looks like they're remaking Death Proof. It's a shame that Donald Farmer doesn't have the eye for composition to make the feet shots look great. 
  
• Wow. It's the same CGI shark shot as before. 
  
• And they didn't even have Ali get attacked by the shark. She just spit up some pasta sauce and spilled some more on her leg.
  
• I wonder if the hospital knew they were filming in it. 
  
• Paris Landing? You mean part of the Tennessee River? I decided to check up on how plausible it would be, so I found this story. One sighting in 16 years, one that's 3 feet long and almost certainly introduced as a prank.
  
  
  
• So, this shark psychic is filming a spiel at Paris Landing and she decides, mid-speech, to turn her back to the camera and keep talking. Did she see the other camera and forget the one that's supposed to be filming her in-universe? Does he even give a shit about the Axis of Action rule?
  
• You know, given the shark's choice of targets, he's probably looking a bit further south than your tits. Or are the titty rubs supposed to be for the spirits that supposedly haunt Paris Landing?
  
• So, there's this random woman who looks like a hooker sticking her thumb out asking for rides while plaintive piano music is playing. Is this a porno version of She Hulk?
  
• They're just using the same two or three shots for the shark, aren't they? 
  
• Huh. That great blue heron clearly gives no fucks about what just happened.
  
• Man, Ethan Hawke's screen tests for First Reformed were crap. He couldn't even have books that weren't about acting in the foreground.
  
• Wow. Evidently, not Jessica Chastain's made the deliberate choice to monologue with her back to the camera.
  
• That shot of not-Ethan Hawke leaving his church actually looks nice.
  
• And all of a sudden, we have three women trying to do some pagan ritual in a cemetery and a woman in a flimsy gown having a meltdown in a different cemetery. It intercuts between the two for no good reason.
  
• And for even more randomness, there's this woman who seems to think she's a child playing on a playground before I think she's getting seduced by this woman who's possessed by a shark. Weird thing is I remember having a coworker who was both a barely closeted bisexual and bizarrely childlike, and this scene reminds me of this one time when I found her Facebook profile and she devoted an entire album to one spring break where she and her girlfriends decided to play with a rubber duck on a random playground. Though that said, at least they figured out how to actually use a slide properly. They may have used it for a race between one of them, the duck, and a bag of sour punch straws (the latter one won), but at least they didn't run down the slide.
  
• Is she actually trying to prompt the child-woman for her next line?
  
• Was that scene with the childlike woman just a dream?
  
• If you're just going to have your show involve acting like you're masturbating and having an orgasm, why not just do that in public? It looks like a secluded enough spot.
  
• That's the fucking Nashville Pantheon. I remember going there when I made my trip to Nashville. Why the fuck is a shark movie set in a landlocked state?
  
• Huh. Random confession of necrophilia in a shark movie. Who'd have guessed?
  
• The fuck just happened? The sort of sorority that Elliot Rodger probably found hot enough to target for the Day of Retribution has a Queen Bee who's crazy enough to make pledges swim in the shark-infested waters of Paris Landing, then they're standing in water below their knees, then all of a sudden, Shark! End Scene!
  
• Better idea for a shark movie with a similar premise: A special species of shark has the ability to transform into a beautiful lady. She seduces other women, leads them to the beach where they have sex on the tides, she turns back into a shark, and eats her prey. Meanwhile, a homicide detective and her marine biologist wife try to investigate the killings and eventually get caught up in a car chase after the shark woman ends up sitting next to a shark tank that ends up breaking, turning her back into a shark. 
  
• Why is nothing happening at this carnival?
  
• The power of Christ Commands you?
  
  
  
• Better Exorcist parody idea: a movie that's basically just this, but done like an episode of Modern Family, like they cut between interviews with the couple and scenes of life under demonic possession:
  
  
  
• An overcast day at a random public park; the perfect time and place to work on your tan. Or have some dude do creepshots of her and scroll through his works while she's just lying there. And he didn't even do any feet shots.
  
• That barefoot nun's knife looks a bit more realistic this time around, but they evidently compensated by having the stabbing look even faker the second time.
  
• Then this random girl jumps into the water, turns into a shark, and cue credits.
  
• Jessica Chastain actually was in this movie?
  
• And why is there nine more minutes of movie left after the credits run?
  
• Do we have to see every minute of this girl trying to figure out which of the random identical shark plushies to buy? And why does this merit music that was considered for There Will Be Blood, but didn't cut muster with PTA or Jonny Greenwood?
  

Next week:  The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

No Time To Die - the perfect coda for the perfect Bond. 10/10.

Boru

[Gwaithmir]

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson. I'm not sure why Daniel Farrands decided to go from acclaimed documentaries about slasher movies to movies bastardising famous true crime cases, but evidently that's what happened.

• Well, at least it's nice to know that "Happy Birthday" is now within the reach of even the cheapest and most incompetent filmmakers now.
  
• Huh. Nicole's evidently ambivalent about the fact that O.J.'s still stalking her and might kill her.
  
• I'm about a quarter of the way through this movie and I'm being given very little to work with. What makes the Nicole Brown of this movie any different from, well, any other characters with two X chromosomes? Besides being divorced from and possibly getting murdered by a celebrity, I mean.
  
• This movie's 85 minutes long. Do we have to take time out to explain how a burglar alarm works? 
  
• Nicole's clearly in fear for her life, and I'm fairly certain she's mentioned this to Faye, so why is her default reaction to this situation "are you still fucking him?"
  
• I would not think the narcoleptic love child of Danny Elfman's Batman theme and Philip Glass' "Pruitt-Igoe" would be the best score for this random sex scene.
  
• Victim blaming for wearing a robe in her own home? No wonder NWA sang "fuck the police."
  
• Is this movie just a collection of random scenes of Nicole being paranoid whose only relevance to one another to show off just how doomed she is? Say what you will about Funny Games, it at least has the decency to adhere to some sort of narrative structure.
  
• I will say this for the movie, it's at least more tasteful about the presence of the Kardashian kids than the miniseries.
  
• Nicole's being attacked by a random supernatural force, even though there's been no mention of the supernatural before. Why the fuck not? Christ, even The Haunting of Sharon Tate set up its supernatural elements. Is this the sort of shit Mena Suvari's had to reduce herself to?
  
• So her being stalked is all down to her not letting go of OJ? 
  
• You know, it took about 3/4 of the way for the movie for OJ to actually appear in this movie. I almost forgot I was supposed to be watching a shitty movie about the OJ Simpson case.
  
• Nicole knew the original German words to Brahms' lullaby?
  
• The painter from about an hour ago is apparently a serial killer. Why the fuck not? Honestly, if you're going to piss on Nicole Brown's grave like this, why not just make OJ into a more menacing villain? It doesn't help that the scene after this is revealed, she's murdered by a guy who clearly isn't the painter.
  
• And way to show graphic photos of the crime scene in the news footage that's clearly supposed to pad this movie out to 85 minutes.
  

[Fake Messiah]

I watched some movie where Ian McKellen plays Hitler

[Foxaèr]

The Black Phone (Saw it in the beginning of July)

After being abducted by a child killer and locked in a soundproof basement, a 13-year-old boy starts receiving calls on a disconnected phone from the killer's previous victims.

Let me first just state that it is an amazing movie, one of the best I have seen in a while. I would rate this movie ten out of ten stars.

There are only two things I want to touch upon.

First, the sister is my favorite character in the film. Yeah, she's got a Jesus thing, but honestly it adds to her character in such a good way that you can overlook it.

Secondly, it is never explained why the abductor kills these boys.

The next movie we're planning on seeing is Nope