The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, well, I'm currently on Sci-Fi in my genre cycles and there's no Christmas Sci-Fi movies on Tubi that are bad enough for the Deep Hurting Project, so it was a bit tough to pick. But finding Blu-Rays of the first Transformers movie and the first Terminator movie at Half-Price Books (and I only bothered with the latter), I decided to pick a movie that managed to rip off both of them.

• So, they start off by explaining that they found life on another planet 20 million light years away. They responded to your message of friendship five years later. Anyone sufficiently well-versed in physics to explain why this makes no sense so I don't have to?
  
• And fuck you for using the Sears Tower as the first monument to be destroyed.
  
• Just because nobody's taken out the robots in over a century doesn't mean there's no chance at doing so. But it does mean that taking a Sisyphean tack to this might not be the best option.
  
  
  
• So, they've been trying to take on these robots for over a century and the closest thing they have found to a weakness in these things is that they've decided to do something different?
  
• YOu'll never know if the revolutionaries were on to something? You know, maybe try some of their tactics?
  
• Why has it been 15 minutes in and the only thing I know about these soldiers is that one of them is named Clinton and another named Blackthorne?
  
• Is that just shitty CGI or suitamation for the robots? I can barely tell with the strobe lighting.
  
• And all of a sudden, they're building up someone named Mitchell who's apparently a traitor, but also the best man for whatever job they're doing, and then there's a random split-screen for a shot.
  
• Will it be lucid? The movie's barely lucid.
  
• What the fuck is Mitchell's accent supposed to be? I'm getting Ringo Starr for the most part, but he sometimes rolls his Rs like some Scottish accent, but his actor's apparently from London, and apparently, he did some time in a Uni in Sussex.
  
• So, I guess they're making an attempt at developing the characters. And it's all
  
• Seems like a bit of an abuse of the "Hit Me" technique to have everyone try and do it to him. If I recall correctly, this mostly works as a short demonstration of power. 
  
• Is that um bald dude um trying um to act um like he's um Jeff Goldblum?
  
• They're working on a radical new assault on the robots, but they're more preoccupied with a catfight.
  
• This war's been going on for hundreds of years, and they're only starting to fight it today? You know what, I'm still busy waiting on how a planet 20 million light years away gets to earth in 5 regular years.
  
• You'd think that they'd have been able to reverse engineer their tech only after actually defeating one. Isn't that generally how this shit works?
  
• It rains up there 24/7? Then why was the fight in the beginning on dry land?
  
• Yep. It's officially bad CGI. Anyone else miss the days when B-movie producers actually put effort into their shit effects?
  
• They sent the Calvary? How did they sent the entire hill of Golgotha?
  
• Huh. Nice to see that a main character in this 2007 movie is casually revealed as a lesbian.
  
• Mitchell's an android now? And he feels too much, even though his emotions up to now have all been gung ho.
  

Next week, Santa with Muscles.

[arewethereyet]

I have wondered and wondered and I am finally going to ask...@Rev. Rye what exactly is the Deep Hurting Project? It may have been explained before my time.

[Rev. Rye]

The Deep Hurting Project is where I watch one of the worst movies ever made every week. But movies like The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, those aren't the sort of bad I'm looking for. I'm looking for worse. So, I check TVTropes' list of "So Bad They're Horrible" Films and find films from there. I've been doing this every week for almost three years, and I've still got shitty movies to check out.

Also, as a holdover from the days when I checked out movies from the library for the Project, I tend to cycle between genres (Action, Comedy, Drama, Musical, Sci-Fi, Youth). Then, when the world ended, I switched to Hulu and Netflix, then YouTube, then the library when they kinda sorta reopened (it was in the process of being remodeled when shit got real, only ended up in a semi-presentable form in September, and took until February of this year until it was fully open), then to Amazon Prime when I discovered that I could actually access it, and now Tubi when the Amazon Prime well ran dry.

Why Deep Hurting?




And, suprisingly, I've only done two movies from MST3K for the Project: Beast of Yucca Flats and The Wild World of Batwoman. (Indeed, the show only took on films bad enough for the Project roughly once a season, if that; and, surprisingly, they're not even the most memorable episodes.)
And because I forgot to post the original quote:

I have wondered and wondered and I am finally going to ask...@Rev. Rye what exactly is the Deep Hurting Project? It may have been explained before my time.

[arewethereyet]

The Deep Hurting Project is where I watch one of the worst movies ever made every week. But movies like The Room, Plan 9 from Outer Space, those aren't the sort of bad I'm looking for. I'm looking for worse. So, I check TVTropes' list of "So Bad They're Horrible" Films and find films from there. I've been doing this every week for almost three years, and I've still got shitty movies to check out.

Also, as a holdover from the days when I checked out movies from the library for the Project, I tend to cycle between genres (Action, Comedy, Drama, Musical, Sci-Fi, Youth). Then, when the world ended, I switched to Hulu and Netflix, then YouTube, then the library when they kinda sorta reopened (it was in the process of being remodeled when shit got real, only ended up in a semi-presentable form in September, and took until February of this year until it was fully open), then to Amazon Prime when I discovered that I could actually access it, and now Tubi when the Amazon Prime well ran dry.

Why Deep Hurting?




And, suprisingly, I've only done two movies from MST3K for the Project:  Beast of Yucca Flats and The Wild World of Batwoman. (Indeed, the show only took on films bad enough for the Project roughly once a season, if that; and, surprisingly, they're not even the most memorable episodes.)
And because I forgot to post the original quote:

I have wondered and wondered and I am finally going to ask...@Rev. Rye what exactly is the Deep Hurting Project?  It may have been explained before my time.

Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me.

I'm not a real big movie watcher and will bail on one pretty quickly if it doesn't hold my attention or if it's simply bad. I guess I applaud your ability to torture yourself thusly.

[Rev. Rye]

Funny thing is, an extremely bad movie can hold your attention better than one that’s just mediocre. Some movies in the Project are boring (and I admit Transmorphers was one of them), but sometimes, they’re absolute train wrecks like Gigli, A Certain Sacrifice, Disaster Movie, Battlefield Earth, Bratz, The Last Airbender, The Life Zone, Music, or Wired, that make you wonder what the fuck are they going to do next.

[arewethereyet]

I have long been convinced that husband will watch almost anything. I generally am not paying attention to what he's watching but am messing around online or whatever and will look up to catch a couple minutes of scenes that are so bizarre. Most of the time if I ask what he's watching he has to check, he doesn't even know. If I paid closer attention to the titles I could maybe add a few to your list.

One thing is for sure - he does seem to really like movies with explosions...not much else seems to matter...or so it seems to me.

[Fake Messiah]

I finally watched "Cliffhanger" from the beginning to the end. Over the years I would only watch parts of it because I always felt that the movie was bad.

Its biggest flaw is the villains who are so "evil" that they pretty much kill themselves, or, in order words, Stallone's hero-character is so lame that they just had to do it for him. Indeed, as if Stallone is trying to play a different character who is not weapon savvy (like Rambo) and doesn't know how to punch (like Rocky), and you even get to see Stallone at the other side of the "Rambo" knife.

So maybe it would have been best if Stallone just made the movie about mountaineering (like that Spencer Tracy movie when he is a mountaineer) and ditched the crime part altogether because the vistas and sets are the most interesting part of the movie.

[Rev. Rye]

I have long been convinced that husband will watch almost anything. I generally am not paying attention to what he's watching but am messing around online or whatever and will look up to catch a couple minutes of scenes that are so bizarre. Most of the time if I ask what he's watching he has to check, he doesn't even know. If I paid closer attention to the titles I could maybe add a few to your list.

One thing is for sure - he does seem to really like movies with explosions...not much else seems to matter...or so it seems to me.

TVTropes has some exacting standards about what would qualify for that list, for the record. It's not enough for a film to be simply bad. It has to be the sort of bad where, even if it's only meant to appeal for a certain niche audience, it has to bomb even with that niche audience they aimed for. For instance, Sly Stallone's made a LOT of shitty movies. That said, the vast majority have at least some small, devoted, audience willing to defend it, even movies like Stop or My Mom Will Shoot or Rambo: Last Blood. The one example that doesn't: Escape Plan 2: Hades.

And as for movies that consist mostly of explosions, there's Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. Lucy Liu and Antonio Banderas fight for reasons that appear to be related to a microscopic robotic frog that can inject poison into people with a delayed effect. It seems so bound to the structure of the Late 90s-Early 2000s action movie, but is so devoid of content that it's almost like it was directed by an alien.

[arewethereyet]

I have long been convinced that husband will watch almost anything.  I generally am not paying attention to what he's watching but am messing around online or whatever and will look up to catch a couple minutes of scenes that are so bizarre.  Most of the time if I ask what he's watching he has to check, he doesn't even know.  If I paid closer attention to the titles I could maybe add a few to your list.  

One thing is for sure - he does seem to really like movies with explosions...not much else seems to matter...or so it seems to me.

TVTropes has some exacting standards about what would qualify for that list, for the record. It's not enough for a film to be simply bad. It has to be the sort of bad where, even if it's only meant to appeal for a certain niche audience, it has to bomb even with that niche audience they aimed for. For instance, Sly Stallone's made a LOT of shitty movies. That said, the vast majority have at least some small, devoted, audience willing to defend it, even movies like Stop or My Mom Will Shoot or Rambo: Last Blood. The one example that doesn't: Escape Plan 2: Hades.

And as for movies that consist mostly of explosions, there's Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. Lucy Liu and Antonio Banderas fight for reasons that appear to be related to a microscopic robotic frog that can inject poison into people with a delayed effect. It seems so bound to the structure of the Late 90s-Early 2000s action movie, but is so devoid of content that it's almost like it was directed by an alien.

My comment was tongue-in-cheek. I figured there was exacting criteria to fit the project but I roll my eyes so hard at some of the dreck husband will sit and watch.

Of course, he isn't all that interested in things that hold my attention so there's that...no accounting for taste, I suppose.

All these years together and there have been few movies and TV programs we both find interesting. Come to think of it...I'm not sure we have much more in common than our address.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'Law Abiding Citizen' (2009). Russell Crowe and Jamie Fox. An interesting twist on revenge flicks. Not stellar, but watchable. 6/10

Boru