The Last Movie You Watched

[Gwaithmir]

[LinuxGal]

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, The Source. It was one of The Asylum's first movies, and certainly the oldest one bad enough for the Deep  Hurting Project.

• I swear, the dynamic between this kid and his dad seems like a cross between Christian Slater and his dad in Heathers and Vincent the Atheist and his dad from Munkey (sic) Jones Stops a School Shooting.
  
• How convenient that they have blood on tap in this house.
  
• Kid, I don't think they're going to be casting for Guy Ritchie's Revolver yet.
  
  
  

• Also, fuck this principal for taking away his discman on the first day of school and
  
• A movie about a gay vampire accountant would probably be a more interesting movie.
  
• A lithium deposit that could  potentially be the perfect engine? And it's just a hangout for these teens?
  
• So, the perfect catalyst for the lithium deposit is this pile of radioactive lemons?
  
• Shit, if only the principal hadn't confiscated his discman. He could just pop in "The Hounds of Love" and she'd be safe.
  
• World War I only cost millions?
  
• So, the stone has dense deposits of tritium? Can stones even contain a gas?
  
• So the catalyst's side effect involves making two people speak in unison.
  
• He's got a ledger? So he really is an accountant?
  
• That's a portfolio, not a ledger.
  
• Phoebe, show us your boobs.
  
  
  
• So, these teens get mental powers like mind control (Combined with amnesia), making fruit fall from trees, mind reading, and seeing the sort of shit I always see when I close my eyes?
  
• Heal me! I just drew a line on my arm. I know it was technically supposed to be cutitng with a scalpel, but there's no blood.
  
• As appreciated as that shot of the hippie girl's feet, what's the point? You say there's some spontaneous tissue regeneration, but it looked just fine.
  
• So, their reaction to disproving every known law of geophysics is to dress in gaudy clothing with tea-shades and making people do stupid shit?
  
• And to think that if that student was a decade younger, he'd already have the Filthy Frank STFU song in his head,
  
• I swear, that kid mistaking the date Lincoln died for the day he was shot reminds me so much of Biker and his "Criminal Intent does not exist in this dojo" mindset.
  
• Lincoln's attending physician was Charles Leale.
  
• Oh, no, they confiscated his laptop. If only they had someone on their team who could force him to do whatever they want with their mind control powers...
  
• Okay, so the principal's immune somehow.
  
• And there's bullies who've found their spot and they seem to be ready to rape the girls.
  
• So, the goth kid's the way he is because he found his mother dead after she committed suicide, and his Dad's first reaction is to ask "what did you do, son?"
  
• And what happened to the principals? Did mind control girl get the bullies to rape him instead?
  
• Mind Control Girl is a supervillain now, why not?
  
• I have no idea why she's pretending to be her own teachers; maybe if they were already there and she was mocking them, but that's not clear. And it still wouldn't explain why accordion music is fucking with her head.
  
• What the fuck is this psychodrama even supposed to be? 
  

Don't know what's next, but I'm sure it'll be a horror film.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Watched "DUNE" (2022?) again.

[Gwaithmir]

[Angrboda]

Snatch.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Snatch.

'Periwinkle blue. For me ma.'

Love everything about that film.

Boru

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project is the 2004 adaptation of Devilman. I read the original manga in preparation for it, and while I'm not a fan of this particular franchise, it's safe to assume it's better than this movie.

• Full disclosure, I'm watching the English dub (because I'd prefer to leave the subtitles to movies that are actually good), and it's strange that they still pronounce Ryo's name Rye-O.
  
• Some day, you'll be one of us. You'll star in your own found footage horror movie and call yourself Peachfuzz.
  
• I wiped out like I usually do at Track Practice. Which is probably a sign I shouldn't have bothered joining the track team in the first place. I don't know if this is some quirk of Japanese schools where everyone has to take part in some sport or club, but surely there has to have been a better choice.
  
• Okay, maybe I shouldn't harp too much on their mispronouncing Japanese names if they can't even pronounce "valence" correctly.
  
• An Antarctic lake? Are you sure you're not talking about the sea?
  
• So, one of the biggest problems with this film is that they cram the contents of a manga that was about 1,320 pages long into a 2 hour film. And the crucial chapter where they set up what the fuck the demons actually are and how Akira becomes a Devilman is pushing 200 pages on its own. So, naturally, a lot of shit's going to get elided. If you think the Harry Potter movies are bad with this, you ain't seen nothing yet. Those 200 pages are crammed into 7 minutes.
  
• Let's be realistic, this was a shitty sci-fi movie from 2004. Did you really not expect crappy CGI?
  
• Who are you? is a reasonable question, but perhaps more important is why the fuck do you have wings on your head?
  
• The power of Devilman is leaving me... So why is there an hour and a half left?
  
• So the Demons in this continuity actually can effectively possess humans (for the most part). A bit of a change from the original where, frequently, possessing humans led to the death of both the human and demon.
  
• And the showdown with Jinmen is so underwhelming. I'd say that maybe eating the train like the original would be too expensive, but then again, The Asylum did the same, and their budget wasn't the equivalent of $49 million.
  
• Everybody stay in your bathroom!
  
• So, it's gone all the way to the later part of the book where the demons declare war on humanity. And they didn't have a floating demon head officially declare war on the world like the Manga.
  
• This is like a worse version of The Thing than the 2011 remake.
  
• Just arresting the demons?
  
• Having kids? What's wrong? Well, we'll just let Arthur Schopenhauer give you something to start with.
  
  
  
• You know, for a supposed Demon superhero, he does surprisingly little in the way of superheroics.
  
• Japan has counter-attacked? You know something's gone wrong when that happens. Especially since Japan has barely anything in the way of a military. And has been like this since August 1945.
  
• You know, I ragged on the one demon with wings coming out of her head, but the designs from the manga were so creative that it's glaringly obvious that we barely even see any demons.
  
• Okay, I have to admit, seeing Al Roker turn into a three-headed version of EDP445 is scary. I wish I didn't have to wait 88 minutes for it.
  
• Ryo, the prospect of man turning against themselves to potentially save themselves from the demon menace shouldn't have been surprising to you, even as a misanthrope. Hell, the biggest part of their conquest plan in the manga hinged on exactly that happening.
  

Next week, Sextette, Mae West's star-studded tribute to gerontophilia.

[Gwaithmir]

[Fake Messiah]

Mule by Clint Eastwood. Well, that was a shock how old Clint is. I mean he was old before but still ripped and lean, but now, in his 90s, you feel sorry for him as he has to hold to walls and other sturdy things when he walks.

The movie starts seriously with Clint facing foreclosure and in desperate need of money which makes the US a very harsh place when it can not take care of its high-level seniors. Filmmakers are aware of this problem which they try to explain by showing us that Clint is in a bad relationship with his family which is a hard pill to swallow that kids would be angry at their 90-year-old father to the point of letting him pretty much starving to death, but hey, we do it for Clint's sake. When someone is 90 years old he is automatically a patient and you can't be crossed with him unless he's literally a nazi, which Clint is not. He is a very charming guy and that is where the film falls apart as it becomes goofy: Clint not only is such a swell guy who helps people and dances with women every day, but he has threesomes with girls who could be granddaughters of his granddaughters.

So I stopped watching when he gets invited to the villa of the Mexican cartel boss to dance and party with escort girls. Not because it is goofy but because Clint is telling me to enjoy life and find some hooker to party with instead of wasting my life watching this crappy movie.