The Last Movie You Watched

[Jackalope]

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"

I question it's historical accuracy.

[Silver]

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"

I question it's historical accuracy.

In true form to his artistry, it's probably more a parody of his life.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"

I question it's historical accuracy.

In true form to his artistry, it's probably more a parody of his life.

At least a pair.



Par.



Whatever.

[Silver]

Orphan: First Kill

After orchestrating a brilliant escape from an Estonian psychiatric facility, Esther travels to America by impersonating the missing daughter of a wealthy family.

[Silver]

Violent Night

When a group of mercenaries attack the estate of a wealthy family, Santa Claus must step in to save the day (and Christmas).

[Silver]

My Policeman

The arrival of Patrick into Marion and Tom's home triggers the exploration of seismic events from 40 years previously.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

DUNE. Count the letters in the movie title.

And I suggest you don't read the 600+ page book before watching the movie. Double down that way. Conflation is necessary unless you're doing a mini(maxi!)series.

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project is The Ripper. It was directed by Christopher Lewis, notorious for two things:
1) Being the son of Loretta Young
2) making Blood Cult (a potential DHP entry if I can find it), one of the first DTV horror movies and the first to make a profit.
3) Being involved in a CP scandal. And, FTR, this wasn't mere possession...
But I'm not here to talk about that horror. Here, I'm talking about a shitty Jack the Ripper movie he made.

• What the fuck is that accent and why did anyone think it would be in place in 1888 Whitechapel?
  
• Why is J. Elvis Weinstein in this criminology class?
  
• He's describing a murder very much like Jack the Ripper, he's in a criminology class talking about Jack the Ripper, and he doesn't know why people are comparing it to Jack the Ripper?
  
• Well, Technically, Bluebeard was a character from a fairy tale first, and the name was eventually applied to Landru.
  
• Leo Matlin's Crime Cinema?  Is that just a mildly renamed Leonard  Maltin?
  
• Okay, so we go from a scene in a Criminology class to a random dance class? These two scenes belong in different movies.
  
• The Conqueror Worm? You mean Witchfinder General? And that doesn't sound like Vincent Price at all! I know you probably couldn't afford the rights to the actual movie, but if you're going to just dub some random movie dialogue that couldn't possibly fit with a movie about witch-hunting during the English Civil War, why bother to claim you're not
  
• WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Why, I want to re-enact the worst fucking episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show ever with you, my dear
  
• You've got to love the fact that he's holding the girl's still-beating heart, and you can tell it's clearly just some cut of meat that he's obviously manipulating in real time.
  
• You fell asleep during Conqueror Worm? Dude, I have a sleep disorder and I hope to Hell  the SSI offices are going to put me on disability for it. It's bad enough that I went to see Itzhak Perlman play Mendelssohn and I nodded off when he played the second movement. There I said it.  At least what I've heard from my therapist is promising.
  
• They're making out in front of a poster with the word "Choices" over the top. I wonder if this is supposed to be symbolism.
  
• Fuck, man, this sex scene is so boring! At least when Tommy Wiseau was doing it, he was at least a bit more interesting. Though I'm not sure how  much of it was the actually pretty decent R&B music and how much of it was the fact that he was fucking her navel.
  
• Jack the rapper? Dude, Blues is not rap. Also, I'm sure that I've seen the caricature made of Jack The Rapper somewhere, either in some anime or a Scatman John video.
  
• A copycat killing of a murder that happened 97 years prior? 
  
• Seriously, if we're talking about Jack the Ripper movies, why not bring up The Ruling Class.
  
  
  The sad thing is that Peter O'Toole is probably as reasonable a suspect as anyone else in the Jack the Ripper interrogation.  Also, the whole film (The Ruling Class) has been given an official YouTube upload and I highly recommend it. 
• The teacher's looking at the ring in his book like it's my old English 102 teacher noticing that I was wearing a shirt that said "I French Kissed Kelly Kapowski." Yes, that actually happened in a college class I had: the teacher just stopped his lesson because his jaw dropped when he saw my Saved by the Bell shirt.
  
• So, apparently, whoever owns the ring is going to turn into Jack the Ripper, and anyone who just tries it on is going to have prophetic dreams about the murders?
  
• Theater of Blood, another Vincent Price movie I could be watching.
  
• Every time someone says "have you heard about the murder last night," take a shot.
  
• The People's Almanac is still a better book about Jack the Ripper than Patricia Cornwell's  book about him.
  
• Dammit, I did it again.  I made you believe we're more than just friends.
  
• Seriously, your sleep problems, Teach? Welcome to my fucking world.
  
• I think they're trying to set up the teacher as being Jack the Ripper, but I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be a Red Herring or a poorly done twist.
  
• My God, he's left-handed! A trait that covers about 10% of the population!
  
• He's onto a lead in this Jack the Ripper case, and this launches into an extended make-out scene?
  
• Huh. Cindy got killed and mutilated in record time! 
  
• A delusional person would do everything Jack would have done? Also, he's just targeting random women, not prostitutes, so it's not exact.
  
• That's not a Victorian prostitute, that's Winston Churchill's mum! And how is that woman in black supposed to look like her?
  
• The Ripper fell on his left leg?  How does he know this?
  
• You know, if he spent all this time talking his victims up, how did he kill and mutilate that one girl so quickly?
  

Well, I'm down to two DHP-eligible films on Tubi, so I decided to let a coin toss settle it. Heads: Alice in Murderland, Tails: Arachnicide.

 The results: Tails, so I'll be covering Arachnicide  next week, and Alice in Murderland the week after that. After that? I dunno, maybe find whatever's left on YouTube?

[Silver]

Three Thousand Years of Longing

A lonely scholar, on a trip to Istanbul, discovers a Djinn who offers her three wishes in exchange for his freedom.

[Silver]

Vengeance

A writer from New York City attempts to solve the murder of a girl he hooked up with and travels down south to investigate the circumstances of her death and discover what happened to her.