Questions: atheist/theist friends

[pineapplebunnybounce]

So, something happened few days back. Basically because of a friend's religious beliefs and practices, i was put in a position where i had to do something i didn't want to do. i don't really want to go into details because it's rather a unique situation and i don't want my friend to see this. it wasn't that i had to do something that's against my moral values, just it really inconvenienced me, and i wish i didn't have to do it, and all because of a silly religious belief.

This bothered me quite a bit, because i'm still thinking about it today.

most of my friends are not religious, if they are ... well they might as well be atheists for all the impact religion has on their lives. i've never really minded having theists friends, i've rarely had to accommodate their beliefs to the point where i would stop and think (this, of course, is an exception).

But now I do wonder, how is this supposed to work? Are atheists the ones who have to do the accommodating? Simply because atheists don't believe in anything and theists believe they'll go to hell if they don't practice certain things?

So my question to you all (theists and atheists alike), is this: do you mind if your friends have religious practices that inconveniences you? do you find it slightly less convenient to be around theists (theists: of your own religion, and of other religions)? if you were in my shoes, what would you have done and would you mind?

I do realize that not all theists have religious practices. But yeah, the questions kinda assume you do have them. When I was a christian, i certainly preferred to be with other christians, because i don't feel weird when i do certain things like giving thanks for food, referring to god in conversations and such. Now, while i'm not gonna drop all my theist friends and make new atheist friends, because i like my theist friends quite a bit, i do wish that my theists friends magically became atheists.

[genkaus]

I would say that a certain level of compromise is required in any relationship. And while the degree of it would depend on you and the value you place on your company, there is no reason to treat inconveniences of religious origin any differently than other sorts. Your friends can have all sorts of quirks and unreasonable requirements of non-religious origins and you may have to accommodate them despite the inconvenience, simply because you want to spend time with them.

For example, I hate anything cooked in mustard oil, something a few Chinese restaurants in my locality do and therefore I have a list of them to avoid. I also tend to avoid places where I have received poor service in the past. And so far, my friends have been accommodating of these requirements.

Similarly, sometimes my friends want to eat at a vegetarian, non-alcoholic, non-smoking place even though I usually prefer having non-vegetarian food outside. And when we go to a place that caters to all our needs, we can order as per our desires or religious requirements without objections from others.

However, I do draw the line when their beliefs - religious or otherwise - go from inconvenient to imposing. Once, on an outing with some of my classmates, I ordered steak - something that seemed quite offensive to some of them. They made no secret of the fact and told me that eating beef was wrong and disgusting and I should atleast not do so in their company because it makes them uncomfortable. Never the one to back away from an argument, I pointed out all the reasons why I should dismiss their arguments and ended with "as long as I'm not telling you what to eat, don't tell me what not to". Suffice to say that they never became close friends of mine - but I savored every bite of that steak.

[Angrboda]

Hard to know how to answer with such a vague example. I think it's as important to love someone for their faults as much as their virtues, but lines do occasionally need to be drawn. I broke up with my best friend over religion this past winter. We were watching television, and to illustrate my point, I drew some examples from the bible, just as a common cultural reference. She immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was making fun of her religion, Christianity, and started to attack me, verbally. I tried to explain that she was misunderstanding me, but she cut off every attempt and accused me of continuing to make fun of her religion, by denying that I was. She never really cared enough to understand my religious beliefs, so if she remembered at all, it was, "oh, you worship that guy with all the arms." That night, all she could remember was that I hung out with atheists a lot, and therefore I was a god hating atheist. So she basically trashed me, my feelings, and when I protested about her misconstruing my religious beliefs, she trashed my god, punctuating it with the excuse that her god commanded her to have no other god before him. I haven't spoken to her since. I'm a bit leery of letting another Christian into my life.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

@genkaus, yea you're right, religious or nonreligious beliefs shouldn't be treated differently. i guess i think of them differently because i find it so hard to sympathize with religious beliefs.

@apophenia, sorry for being vague, i do very much value this friendship that i brought up, so i'd rather not risk her seeing this because her religion is very personal to her. i'm sorry about your friend. this is the other thing that i do watch out with theist friends, because their religions are personal to them, while to me, it's more or less an intellectual game. so i tend to just not discuss it or even have a conversation about their religions, because i don't want to do that without being dishonest, and i don't want to lose the friendship because i'm being too honest. sometimes i test the waters a little and see how ok they are with someone disagreeing with them about their god(s).

i learned this the hard way. once, a religious friend challenged my view on science, and said that science only works on earth. which he should've known is not something i would take lying down. so i argued my argument as strong as i always do, and he said to me, "stop, i don't want to stop being friends with you over this". which really hurt, because i would never have stopped being friends with him for holding an opposing opinion. so i tried to say that what i'm saying had nothing to do with his religion, but i didn't back down from my point, because i think if i respected him enough, i would argue it with the expectation that he can hold his own. we're still friends now, but i learn not to discuss several topics, and i think he learned not to bring them up.

[fr0d0]

The only issues I have regard morals. I'm as bad as anyone but I do usually realise it and don't think it's good to do immoral stuff. You get and go along with the jokes but it leaves a sour taste. I feel the same way about my employer. Their decisions directly affect my life of course and it's difficult to reconcile sometimes.
I don't seek out Christian friends. I think my best friends are irreligious /atheist and from other faiths. There is another level of comfort that you can slip into when interfacing with other Christians. You can know that person is on the same page as you.

[Cyberman]

I have a few xtian friends. I went to school with a born-again God Squad type who just loved his 'mission'; preaching, trying to convert/save me, writing religious tracts etc. Not surprisingly, he went into the Church, lost his hair and gained an equator. However he was fun to debate with and helped to formulate my opinions to what they are today.

Abother couple are what I call Hobby Xtians, that is they only seemed to latch onto this stuff because some of their new friends were doing it. She is more devout than he is; I like to think it's because of my influence that he at least questioned what he'd been told. Incidentally, they both stopped being as churchy as they had been as a result of a spat with their pastor friend. They did annoy me greatly some years ago when they didn't allow me or Sam to attend their wedding, despite having been friends for over twenty years on my part, without explanation but with unfulfilled promises to "make it up" to us. Same went for their children's christenings as well. Maybe they thought I'd kick off or something?

There's been a couple more but the least said about them the better.

Anyway, regarding your OP: who said atheists don't believe in anything? I believe in lots of things; it's simply that gods and god claims don't count among them.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

@fr0d0, I don't think your situation is one unique to religion, i used to have friends that would make fun of other people's looks, i didn't like it and i stopped hanging out with all of them, cos i thought it was mean and i didn't want to put up with it. i'm sorry about the situation with your employer, hope things work out for you.

@Stimbo, nah, i didn't mean that only religious people have beliefs, but they are more touchy about it, at least in my experience. i have a friend who's prolife, and we argue about it all the time, but it's never affected the relationship. idk, maybe i just don't go out a lot? i haven't had any nonreligious friend getting into a fight with me just for disagreeing with their position.

[Cyberman]

It's ok, I do get what you meant. I think I was going for more of a consciousness-raising thing really, mainly for the casual browsers more than anyone else. It's just one of those common things that tend to get thrown around from time to time.

[Silver]

From growing up with theistic friends who thought it was their duty to change me, I have learned to not give a crap about them. I intentionally refuse to befriend anyone who believes in god for the simple reason that it makes my life much simpler. If I could go back in time knowing what I know now, I would put those idiots in their place. Simple as that. If they care nothing for me in thinking that I need to change for their benefit, then I care nothing for them for having those misguided beliefs.

[Gilgamesh]

Since their practices mean absolutely nothing to me because I don't believe in fairytales, the only way it could inconvenience me is through time-loss. If a theist friend wanted me to take part in some fairytale bullshit, I'd probably do it, as long as it's under 20 minutes.