Men Women Sex and Temptation

[festive1]

Meanwhile, I feel my wife and I beginning to fall away from each other, and it makes me wonder if I should let us go while we both still have time to meet someone new. I don't know. Life is such a mixed up journey and you don't always know if you've made the right choice till it's too late.

Do you and your wife get much time alone, one on one? I know, for me, once we had our first kid both my husband and I were in a perpetual state of parenting mode. Which left little time for the two of us to be close and connected. I miss the fact that we can't just go out because we feel like it, or have a quiet dinner at home together talking. This was a big problem for us until we started proactively scheduling time to spend together. It sucks having to prearrange things, line up a sitter, not to mention its more expensive since we have to pay someone to watch the kids on top of what it costs to go out. But sometimes we just simply plan to put the kids to bed early. Typically, we'll let them read books in bed, so long as they stay there quietly. But it gives us some much needed couple time.

[John V]

Everyone who has ever gotten a divorce needs to grow up?

No. Every man who finds a woman who seems more alluring than his wife who's home with a young child needs to grow up.

Two people have to live an unhappy life because YOU think that "grown ups" should just accept their lot?

Again, not what I said. You shouldn't accept unhappiness, you should work for happiness with the person you committed to. Telling you to list out the good things about your was one way. Telling you to give her more time and attention was another.

Furthermore, I've done nothing. Is an adult not allowed to ask for advice for fear he might be told to "grow up?"

You're afraid of being told to grow up? As I said, if you're not happy with your wife, the real problem may be that you're not happy with yourself.

I didn't plan this conversation with this woman. I didn't have a clandestine meeting with her. I didn't cheat on anyone, nor did she offer me a stay in her vagina.

I didn't say you did any of those things. I'm telling you to purposely avoid her. If you can't avoid her altogether (e.g. you work with her), avoid being alone with her.

Calm down little sheep, men are allowed to talk to women here in the real world.

You're the on so upset by the feelings created by this talk that you made a thread on it. That you're allowed to do something doesn't mean it's beneficial.

Biblically?!?

The third point was. The two that you skipped over weren't.

If I did what was biblical, I'd kill a gay man, stone my daughter, and have sex with my sister. Please keep your immoral religion out of my thread please. Furthermore, I've known many christians (even preachers) who have gotten divorced and been very happy with their life.

Red herrings.

Your opinion is noted ... and rejected. Universal rules like that should have no place in the highly complicated matters of relationships. People don't fit into a nice neat little box and only a brainwashed religious buffoon would follow such self-imposed laws without consideration.

Or someone with enough honor to honor a commitment.

[Captain Colostomy]

Everyone who has ever gotten a divorce needs to grow up?

No. Every man who finds a woman who seems more alluring than his wife who's home with a young child needs to grow up.

Thought police? Man, ideas just happen, unless you're brain dead. While you can somewhat control the scope and duration of them, blasting someone for acknowledging it is crass. You are also making a judgment call on someone else with your personal views on marriage as your guide. It's not necessarily an issue, but not all couples view marriage the same.

[LastPoet]

No. Every man who finds a woman who seems more alluring than his wife who's home with a young child needs to grow up.

So it would be preferable to you that the man that doesn't love his wife anymore (or vice-versa), should remain in the home, with all the attrition that can and surely happen? You have a very peculiar idea of what growing up is. As to leave the wife with the son, that's what child support is supposed to help with.

I have seen many catholic old school marriages that for the 'sanctity' of marriage are streched to the limit, ending not so well, to the point of one of the parts using the 'untill death set us apart' clause untimely.

To me, its better for such couples to separate before any monogamous betrayal if possible, providing support to the child as possible.

[John V]

Thought police? Man, ideas just happen, unless you're brain dead. While you can somewhat control the scope and duration of them, blasting someone for acknowledging it is crass.

First, I don't consider "grow up" as "blasting someone." Much harsher rebukes are issued here towards theists every day.

Second, the point isn't having the thoughts - most everyone does. The thought of change is exciting, and moms of young kids generally don't have much energy left to devote to the husband. By saying grow up, I'm saying he should recognize his thoughts in this context and deal with them accordingly.

You are also making a judgment call on someone else with your personal views on marriage as your guide. It's not necessarily an issue, but not all couples view marriage the same.

Unless he tells me otherwise, it's reasonable for me to assume that they viewed it at the time as a lifetime commitment.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Divorce shouldn't even be a thought since there's a child involved and there's no abuse involved.

That's the worst advice possible for someone to give.

Staying with a spouse in a relationship that has no love nor commitment will do nothing positive for your children.

Sticking together "because we've got kids" is never a good out becuase you're not dealing with the cause of the relationship issues in the first place. All you'll have is two parents growing distant and putting a facade on in front of the kids, whilst the kids will just be thinking "why are my parents still together? Why do they argue and act so weird around each other all the time?"

Kids see a lot more than most parents think, and they can also pick up on social cues and body langauge very well, especially when its their parents.

In this instance, much better to seperate and love your kids without the baggage of an unworkable failing relationship than to love them through a front for the sake of appearances.

This is NOT advice BTW to the OP, just my 2 cents.

[pocaracas]

Fidel... I think cinjin hasn't reached that stage...

I think he's just looking around and finding out there are other fishes in the sea that may be better than the deal he got with his wife.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Fidel... I think cinjin hasn't reached that stage...

I think he's just looking around and finding out there are other fishes in the sea that may be better than the deal he got with his wife.

No doubt. Sorry, I didn't mean my response to be linked to what Cinjin has talked about in his OP, rather just a comment to John and what I deem to be dangerous advice.

[Doubting Thomas]

Do you and your wife get much time alone, one on one? I know, for me, once we had our first kid both my husband and I were in a perpetual state of parenting mode. Which left little time for the two of us to be close and connected.

This is the state my wife and I are in now. It sucks having to schedule dates or intimate time, but until the kids get a little older we'll be stuck in 90% parent mode, 9% spouse mode, and 1% lover mode.

[Tonus]

My wife would cut my balls off if i ever strayed, she has made this plain.

You'd better hope that no one explains the concept of preemptive action to her.