Shit My Mom says

[Cato]

When asked if the 3 boys walking with her in public or at the hospital she worked at were hers: "Yeah, wanna buy one?"

When told to go to hell: "Careful, when you get there I'll be in charge."

"I'm not going to kick you out at 18, I'm raising you so that you won't want to stay."

When me and my two brothers would trail behind her in a public place: "Quack quack".

The night after dinner where my younger brother divulged the fact that I was sexually active, Mom opens my bedroom door flips on the light and states: "You'll have an industrial sized box of rubbers tomorrow. If I learn that you have gotten a girl pregnant I won't say anything. I'll just come in, poor kerosene on your balls and light a match. Goodnight." Turns light off and shuts door.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

Me: Hey, Mom.
Mom: Hay is for horses.

Me: Mom, can I _____?
Mom: I don't know, CAN you?
(This is where I'm supposed to correct myself and say, "MAY I _____?")
Me: I'll take that as a yes.

For no reason...
Mom: Sex, drugs, and rock and roll!
She says that when she wants to say something but doesn't know what to say.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

Her: Why do you get shocked when you touch things in winter?
Me: Well, because the air is drier and there's less water molecules to neutralize the static charges. Because water is polar, one end of it is more positive than the other.
Her: I don't think that's why.
Me: Yea? Why not? (I always know what's coming at this point)
Her: Doesn't sound real.


It's amazing, my mum thinks science is a huge scam but encourages me to further my education, in science.

[BrokenQuill92]

Her: Why do you get shocked when you touch things in winter?
Me: Well, because the air is drier and there's less water molecules to neutralize the static charges. Because water is polar, one end of it is more positive than the other.
Her: I don't think that's why.
Me: Yea? Why not? (I always know what's coming at this point)
Her: Doesn't sound real.


It's amazing, my mum thinks science is a huge scam but encourages me to further my education, in science.

That must be a mother thing, mine does it too .

[pineapplebunnybounce]

Her: Why do you get shocked when you touch things in winter?
Me: Well, because the air is drier and there's less water molecules to neutralize the static charges. Because water is polar, one end of it is more positive than the other.
Her: I don't think that's why.
Me: Yea? Why not? (I always know what's coming at this point)
Her: Doesn't sound real.


It's amazing, my mum thinks science is a huge scam but encourages me to further my education, in science.

That must be a mother thing, mine does it too .

Yours doesn't believe in science, too? I don't think it's a mum thing, XD, my mum was horrible in school because she did manual labour throughout her entire childhood. It's fun because she doesn't know much and I think the only science fact she appreciates is that apple cores are sour and bitter because they've evolved to prevent the seeds from being chewed up. The rest of it she thinks is bullshit. No idea what she thinks I do in school or labs.

[BrokenQuill92]

That must be a mother thing, mine does it too .

Yours doesn't believe in science, too? I don't think it's a mum thing, XD, my mum was horrible in school because she did manual labour throughout her entire childhood. It's fun because she doesn't know much and I think the only science fact she appreciates is that apple cores are sour and bitter because they've evolved to prevent the seeds from being chewed up. The rest of it she thinks is bullshit. No idea what she thinks I do in school or labs.

My mum has two degrees in child development and early education. But she thinks dinosaurs r a hoax.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

Yours doesn't believe in science, too? I don't think it's a mum thing, XD, my mum was horrible in school because she did manual labour throughout her entire childhood. It's fun because she doesn't know much and I think the only science fact she appreciates is that apple cores are sour and bitter because they've evolved to prevent the seeds from being chewed up. The rest of it she thinks is bullshit. No idea what she thinks I do in school or labs.

My mum has two degrees in child development and early education. But she thinks dinosaurs r a hoax.

hahahahha. Mine believes in dinosaurs, she's been to see the fossils. But I think I really have to blame it on the lack of education, on the bright side, it's just hilarious.

[Drich]

Mom: Dan-yeol, you hungree? 밥 냄비를 켜고 불고기 요리 시작 (bab naembileul kyeogo bulgogi yoli sijag)

Me: you know I don't speak korean.

Mom: don't be so stoopid, how come you understand before? (When I lived at home 20 years ago)

Me: I really didn't, I was just hungry.

Mom: if you want to eatem you better understand what I say.

Me: turns on the rice pot and starts to cook the bulgogi

---

Mom: Sat-ur-day! in the pa-ku (park) some thin bouta the fourth of ju-rye.
(The chorus of the Saturday in the park by Chicago)

[Shaggy]

"Don't knock her up."

[ElleBelle]

"Don't knock her up."

Don't get knocked up. Unless he has a good job. Then try not to.