Joke

[truthBtold]

A guy walks into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"

Customer says, "Female"

Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"

Customer says, "White"

Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"

Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"

Counter guy says, "A whole lot, as a matter of fact.-- The Muslim one blows itself up!"

[Cyberman]

A busload of Brummies goes over a cliff and all the passengers find themselves at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter sees them wobbling up and immediately goes to stop them. "No no no," he shouts, "We're not having the likes of you lot up here! Fuck off back the other way!"

Then his intercom beeps and he hears God's voice. "Peter, I want a word woth you. Step into my office." He takes care to lock the Gates and then goes into God's office.

"Peter," says the big man, "I am sore displeased with you. Why did you send my children away so rudely?"

Peter says, "But they're Brummies! They're all chavs! They'll most likely nick anything not nailed down, including Jesus!"

God shakes his head. "You ought to know by now that all are welcome in my Kingdom. Go and apologise, and tell them they can enter into Heaven."

So Peter goes off. Five minutes later he's back.

"It's no good, Lord; they've gone."

"Send out the archangels and find them. It is my will that they join me at my right hand."

"No, Lord," says Peter. "I meant the Pearly Gates have gone."

[truthBtold]

Did u hear about the woman that got the left side of her body cut off?
She was an all right gal...

[Bob Kelso]

An irishman enters a pub and sits down to have a beer, the bartender seeing the man is melancholy asks the man "and whats wrong that has ruined this fine day for you lad?".
The irishman(gesturing towards the window) replies," you see those fences out there? I built those fences with me bare hands, but do they call me Mcready the fencebuilder? No...they dont" The bartender says" Wow, thats really tough, sorry for you laddy".

Gesturing again to the window, Mcready says," And do you see those boats down in the harbor? I built those boats with me bare hands, but do they call me Mcready the boat builer? No...they dont." Again the bartender says," Sorry Mcready, that really sucks"

Cutting the bartender off and gesturing toward the window one last time, Mcready says" and do you see all those huses out there? I built them houses with me bare hands, but do they call me Mcready the boat builder? No,they dont.......BUT YOU FUCK ONE GOAT!....

[truthBtold]

Did u hear about the constipated mathamtican?
He worked it out with a pencil......

[Jackalope]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What, no attempt to make it believable?

[Bob Kelso]

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What, no attempt to make it believable?

Bwahahaha!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two Irishmen, a rabbi, a circus clown, a pack of hunting dogs, three nuns, an alligator, a robot, Dr. Who, a kilted Scotsman and a refrigerator all walk into a bar.

The barman looks up and says, 'What is this, some kind of a joke?'

Boru

[ManMachine]

God's gone missing from Heaven for seven days, and when he returns, he looks sort of tired and careworn. One of the archangels zooms up and asks what the trouble is.

God replies, 'Just made a new planet, and it didn't half wear me out.'

'But,' queries the angel, 'you've made planets before and you didn't seem to work so hard.'

'Ah,' answers God, 'but this particular planet has a theme I call "balance". Take a look. See? It has permanently cold spots, and other spots that are always hot. It's got dark-skinned people in the south and lighter-skinned people in the north. Land AND water, night AND day. Everything in balance.'

'Very nice indeed,' says the angel approvingly. 'But what this bright green bit, here?'

'Oh, I'm especially proud of that,' smiles God. 'I call it "Ireland". It will have the most remarkable people to be found anywhere. They will produce poetry and music that will be loved the world around. They will learn to never ignore a kindness or to forget an insult. They will bear hardship with fortitude, and celebrate good fortune with generosity. Altogether, a most amazing people.'

The angel thinks for a bit and answers, 'You'll forgive my pointing it out, but you seem to have given these "Irish" everything - what about your theme of "balance"?'

'Easy,' says God. 'Just wait til you see who I'm giving them for neighbours.'

Boru

(apos in advance if any of our English members are offended. Just a bit of fun.)

I'm not offended in any way, in fact I agree, we are the neighbours on the other side of the Welsh.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Late one night, a somewhat tipsy patron leaves a Belfast pub. While on his way home, a masked gunman steps out of the shadows and demands, 'Are you Catholic or Protestant?'

Smugly, the man answers, 'Neither one - I'm Jewish.'

At this point, the gunman riddles the fellow with bullets and walks away muttering, 'I must be the luckiest Arab in this whole fucking country.'

Boru