Fun Things To Do In Church

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

[NB: The following is NOT original work. It was emailed to me without attribution]

-Ten minutes before it the service starts, find a kid in the front row, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: 'Would you rather be stoned or crucified?'

-Dress all in black, or in camouflage. Act like you're having flashbacks.

-If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching
shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.

-At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce
that you can see an image of Jesus.

-Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side
cartoons.

-Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Pencil in the words 'in bed' after each one.

-Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned,
especially Stephen.

-Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.

-When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper
with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

-Turn to your neighbor, whisper: 'This do in remembrance of me,' and lick them.

-Fart, and have a friend shout: 'Hark! An angel hath spoken!'

-Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peloponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peloponnesians.

Boru

[BrokenQuill92]

Have fake visions of the apocalypse

[Jacob(smooth)]

The whole dipping wafers thing? We actually did that in my old church. If you had a cold it stopped you sharing germs!

I

[Zen Badger]

I like the last one.

You could also pull out a jar of peanut butter and spread it on the wafers, explaining that other wise they taste like crap.

[Jackalope]

Listen to a football game on headphones. During the sermon, jump up and yell "Touchdown!".

[BrokenQuill92]

Calculate the cost of the hats on old ladies and convert the cash into the amount of food it would take to feed A village of small Somalian children

[Justtristo]

I have heard this actually happens in churches, looking at pornography on your phone during the service.

[KUSA]

I have heard this actually happens in churches, looking at pornography on your phone during the service.

I never looked at it on my phone in church but I would think about getting some ass after the boring sermon. I even popped a woody in church thinking about it. That's when you use the bible as cover.

[truthBtold]

Put up a sign when people are exiting church that says... thank you for your donation to the corporation!

[Crossless2.0]

While attending some Evangelical church, feign speaking in tongues according to a carefully rehearsed script of gibberish while a companion writes down the "interpretation" given by another parishioner. Repeat the process at other Evangelical churches. Collect the discrepant interpretations into a single document and mail to each church's pastor/deacons and post on their websites.