Any tips on reading the bible for an atheist?

[DarkHorse]

Or just run the verses through gizoogle.

Joshua 1:9: Have I not commanded yo slick ass, biatch? Be phat n' courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, fo' tha LORD yo' Dogg is ghon be wit you wherever you go.”

Genesis 16:1: Now Sarai, Abram’s hoe, had borne his ass no lil' thugs. But dat freaky freaky biatch had a Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so her big-ass booty holla'd ta Abram, “Da Lord has kept me from havin lil' thugs. Go, chill wit mah slave; like I can build a cold-ass lil crew all up in her muthafuckin ass.”

If the whole bible were translated like that i just might be able to read the whole thing again!

Agreed!

[Faith No More]

I must say, lots of theists do this, and it's really annoying after a while. "If you didn't find god, you must not have been looking the right way."

When a Christian sees someone wavering in their faith, it's like a shark attracted to chum. It's a compulsion for them to have to say something, and what else can they do but try to convince the person that they just didn't do it right?

[pocaracas]

Or just run the verses through gizoogle.

Joshua 1:9: Have I not commanded yo slick ass, biatch? Be phat n' courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, fo' tha LORD yo' Dogg is ghon be wit you wherever you go.”

Genesis 16:1: Now Sarai, Abram’s hoe, had borne his ass no lil' thugs. But dat freaky freaky biatch had a Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so her big-ass booty holla'd ta Abram, “Da Lord has kept me from havin lil' thugs. Go, chill wit mah slave; like I can build a cold-ass lil crew all up in her muthafuckin ass.”

That reminds me of a YouTube channel I follow: http://www.youtube.com/user/thugnotes

[Clueless Morgan]

That reminds me of a YouTube channel I follow: http://www.youtube.com/user/thugnotes

YES!!!! I love thugnotes!!

[truthBtold]

Take the bible and use it as a wedge to keep the window open in the bathroom

[Mr. Moncrieff]

I must say, lots of theists do this, and it's really annoying after a while. "If you didn't find god, you must not have been looking the right way."

When a Christian sees someone wavering in their faith, it's like a shark attracted to chum. It's a compulsion for them to have to say something, and what else can they do but try to convince the person that they just didn't do it right?

Currently existing alongside colleagues who exhibit a definitive predisposition towards that behaviour.

My faith has been found wanting, and little more than an "intervention of creed" will simply not suffice.

Except my faith isn't on the slide. It isn't being encroached upon. It isn't being subjected to forces of evil. It isn't being marginalised and it isn't fading.

It has gone. It has been surpassed and destroyed.

I find it insulting that they now seek to save me.

[DarkHorse]

I think it's them that needs to be saved.

[Fromper]

A few years ago, I decided to read the Bible, just because it's the most influential book in human history, so I figured I should see what all the fuss is about. I also wanted to read the Koran, Analects of Confucius, and a few other major books from history to better understand how they influenced human culture and history.

I was actually staying at a hotel, and I considered stealing the Bible from the room there, but decided to be more honest than that and go buy one from a book store instead. I remember being surprised that I didn't have to pay tax on the Bible. In retrospect, that kinda pisses me off. So I got it home and started reading. I don't know if I even got all the way through Genesis. ADHD and the Bible just don't mix.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

A few years ago, I decided to read the Bible, just because it's the most influential book in human history, so I figured I should see what all the fuss is about. I also wanted to read the Koran, Analects of Confucius, and a few other major books from history to better understand how they influenced human culture and history.

I was actually staying at a hotel, and I considered stealing the Bible from the room there, but decided to be more honest than that and go buy one from a book store instead. I remember being surprised that I didn't have to pay tax on the Bible. In retrospect, that kinda pisses me off. So I got it home and started reading. I don't know if I even got all the way through Genesis. ADHD and the Bible just don't mix.

The Bible presents two sides to every issue and the stories evolve from the most basic ideas to the most complex. The stories are a convenient way to remember the points being discussed. IMO it's a major mistake to take them as actual events, especially since a lot of them only involved one or two characters. So there was no one there taking copious notes about Jacob wrestling God and God changing Jacob's name.

The Bible starts off with Adam & Eve just having to observe two simple rules. They didn't have to worship God or do any fancy religious rituals. But they couldn't follow at least one of those rules. The Bible ends with man being saddled with hundreds of complex rules that cover all aspects of his life. So if man couldn't keep two simple rules how can he keep hundreds?

In today's America we have tens of thousands of rules about everything imaginable. We get even more every day. Every conceivable act is illegal somewhere. The thinking seems to be that if we have another million or another 100 million laws then everything will be just fine. The Bible shows that that's a false idea.

[truthBtold]

Read the bible with your eye closed