Today, I disowned my fundamentalist christian uncle.

[bluemonday]

I don't like disowning people. I only do it when there is no other way. If anyone has any other suggestions I would be grateful and happy to here them.

Where to start with this guy...

1. Fundamentalist Catholic. Believes condoms cause AIDS, Haiti was hit by an earthquake because of a voodoo pact they made with the devil, believes abortion should be illegal in all cases including rape, believes homosexuality should be criminalized, believes ALL contraception is evil and sex before marriage is evil.

2. Prone to drunken rages, including driving around where I live looking for someone to beat up because they, shock horror, hung up the phone on him. Talk about what would Jesus do.

3. Fucked his brother's fiance for years, and royally screwed up my cousin because he doesn't know if his uncle is his dad, and vice verse. Thought I didn't know about his seedy little affair, until I slapped him round the face with that knowledge, because he was screaming drunkenly about me being immoral for DARING to have a boyfriend. The fucking nerve.

4. Manipulates and wins over my mother because she's religious too (she however has more of a brain in her head).

5. Obsessed with the gay population. Obsessed. Every time he comes in for a cup of tea he's on a rant about the "gay agenda" and how they are aren't really being persecuted (at least not as much as the poor Catholics, according to him).

6. Said nobody would give a shit if my sister died. She's agoraphobic and has mental problems. She's rude and spiteful but he's a grown man and she was eleven when he said that.

7. Turns up at my house every single fucking day, to talk religion with my mum. He's got nobody else, and has never had to pay rent IN HIS LIFE. He still lives with my grand mother aged 47, and has the utter nerve to make comments on my life.

8. Ruined my childhood by constantly putting images of Hell in my head. Descriptions of people being boiled alive and having their mouths filled with lead. My parents didn't know the extent of it and were horrified when it all finally came out today.

9. Constantly criticizes everyone around him, including my dad on how to raise his mentally ill child (my sister).

10. Gets drunk on the job while he's getting carer allowance to look after my grandmother. He gets paid to sit around getting shitfaced all day while he's supposed to be taking care of my nan.

11. Convinced my grand mother to write his other four siblings OUT OF HER WILL. Yeah. You read right. Because he's fed her a load of bullshit about how because he's always lived at home (like the fucking workshy man-child he is), he'll take care of the house and if they ever need to stay he'll let them stay.....fat fucking chance! That bastard is the reason my OTHER alcoholic uncle was on our sofa for three years - he wouldn't let him past the fucking door!

12. Has a problem with me having a sex life at aged 27, a fucking grown woman, no pun intended.

13. Told me as a ten year old, that my FIVE YEAR OLD sister (who was a difficult kid) could go to hell, and that "there are seven year old children in hell, NOW!" and I was made to feel like I had to save her from burning for eternity. I was terrified for her.

Today I decided not to sit in silence while he spouted a load of fundamentalist nonsense. I disagreed to the point where he was insulting me and storming out. ALL you have got to do is disagree with this moron. I broke down when he left and told my mum ALL the shit he used to say to me as a kid, I was crying which I don't easily. They never knew he said nobody would care if my sister died. Yet they still don't want to cut him off, for some bizarre reason.

As far as I'm concerned, repeatedly telling a child about people being tortured in hell, is fucking child abuse.

I disowned the guy today. I told my mum to tell him if she sees him, but she didn't want to. It sucks because he lives five doors away from us. I have no idea how and why this complete and total LOSER has gotten away with so much, but he has and I'm fucking sick of it.

Any input would be much appreciated. I would love to hear any opinions on what I should do, whether I'm right to walk away from him for good, if anyone else had problems with a relative like this and just any general input. Thank you for reading.

[Rahul]

No. You're right to walk away from him. Like is too short to deal with that kind of crap. Tell him to go fuck himself.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

The best you can do with toxic people is just not engage them at all. Toxicity includes hatred for minorities, leechlike tendencies, and manipulativeness (both of the latter are common trait among those with addictions). I posted about my grandmother on this forum a while ago, and if you read that post you'll realize I understand what you're going through completely. You shouldn't feel bad about doing what you have to do in order to avoid being taken in by him.

[c172]

We act like family is sacred, but family is just a bunch of random people with blood or marital relation. Toxic relationship is toxic. Good that you are quitting holding yourself back. You'll be better for this.

[Simon Moon]

Yeah.

What you have there is a bad human.


Walk away...

[pocaracas]

Damn girl... I know I told to give us all the sordid details, but I never expected something like this!

As long as that person is in your mother's life, you'll find it hard to completely shut him off.
You can ask your mother to do it too, but geographic proximity makes that a potential trouble spot... I'd the guy does indeed go on some rage drunk bloodthirsty ride when people cut him off...
Family is difficult.
You can try to stay away...and one day move indeed away and be freed from that toxicity.
As for your mother...try to make her see that he's toxic.

[Crossless2.0]

Yes, you should walk away from this scumbag, STAT! However, I suppose this is hard because of the other family members who are affected by his rage and addiction. I'm wondering about your grandmother. Is there anything the rest of the family can do to change her situation?

Oh, and since I'm feeling feisty tonight, can you have him call me so I can hang up on him? I'd love to be his huckleberry!

[Minimalist]

Talk to a lawyer about grounds for an order of protection?

[*Deidre*]

Well, one of my friends who is Christian, ( I thought we were GOOD friends), "disowned" me today. I guess it goes both ways.

bluemonday, sounds like disowning this douche was longggg over due. :/
If you're not familiar, you should look up "narcissistic personality disorder." Sounds like he is a textbook case. It might help you see that walking away from him is your only option. Narcissists don't change.

[Bob Kelso]

Oy, and I thought the Catholics and Southern Baptists in my family were bad. You are completely right to cut this troglodyte out of your life, sounds like it was long overdue. The saying "Blood is thicker than water" is a load of bollocks, you can't pick your family and family isn't always good for you and a person is totally within their rights to cut the douchebags of the bunch out of their life.

My Aunt is the same in some areas, minus the drinking, she's homophobic and holier-than-thou even though she's been living off my grandparents for 25+ years of her 34 year old life. My grandmother passed away, and she had my grandfather move in with her, her husband and her four meal-tickets, er, I mean foster children under the guise of taking care of him. Every time I've been over there she's had him taking care of kids and loaning them money, and she's always hitting up my parents for cash as well and trying to comment on my life to boot like she's better than me. I'm a 23 year old single father who has his own place, job and has gone back to college whereas she is a 34 year old foster mom who's only recently moved out of mummy and daddy's house after sucking them bone-dry monetarily who still can't manage to take care of her shit. She doesn't respect the boundaries that I have set for everyone in the family who interacts with my kid, no proselytizing or bible teaching of any sort, and constantly tries to get my soon-to-be three year old to "come to Jesus". Needless to say other than occasional family events I never speak to her, and don't let my kid interact with her.