Friends trying to 'save' me

[CapnAwesome]

You can always offer to go to church in exchange to them going to a secular student meeting or some such. Some people on here are so silly like going to church is going to be the first step to you stop thinking or something. I went to church once out of politeness (and to get free food) as an open Atheist. It did nothing more than it ever did when I was a child. Bore me for about an hour.

[Cato]

OGirly, while you're trying extra hard to be polite, she is being extremely rude. You've told her you don't want to go, but she keeps bugging you about it.

You don't need to tip toe around her. You need to firmly state: "I have told you countless times I do not want to go to church. If you would like to continue our friendship, you will not disrespect me or my decisions by constantly countering them, because true friends accept each other for who they are. I haven't asked you to give up your religion."

Or something to that effect.

I like the sentiment here, but personally would have to be more playful with my response. Something along the lines of:

"I'll consider going if God, without an intermediary, extends a personal invitation."

[SteelCurtain]

You can always offer to go to church in exchange to them going to a secular student meeting or some such. Some people on here are so silly like going to church is going to be the first step to you stop thinking or something. I went to church once out of politeness (and to get free food) as an open Atheist. It did nothing more than it ever did when I was a child. Bore me for about an hour.

I get where you're coming from, and if you aren't opposed to going to church, then I'd say do it. But when someone's goal is obviously to 'save' you, to me there's a real reason to create that boundary. Not only is it leading them on, but it is encouraging more of that behavior.

Also, I really want nothing to do with the rituals, the creepy ceremonies, the child indoctrination. I can't stop it, but I won't have anything to do with it.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

OGirly, while you're trying extra hard to be polite, she is being extremely rude. You've told her you don't want to go, but she keeps bugging you about it.

You don't need to tip toe around her. You need to firmly state: "I have told you countless times I do not want to go to church. If you would like to continue our friendship, you will not disrespect me or my decisions by constantly countering them, because true friends accept each other for who they are. I haven't asked you to give up your religion."

Or something to that effect.

Well, strictly speaking, the friend is doing her religious duty by inviting her friend to attend church services. If her friend doesn't want to go that's fine. However at that point the church- goer is directed by Christian doctrine to end her friendship with the person.

People end friendships all the time for any number of reasons. Some things are not negotiable.

[Alex K]

I would decline to join her in church just for her sake for one additional reason. I might be wrong, but here's my theory, which is mine: Church and all he stuff that comes with it probably means a lot to her, and if you go, you will probably find the service dishonest, boring, or even disgusting at times (I usually do). If you then tell your friend what you think, she will be personally hurt because it's a very personal place and experience for her. So you would have to lie about it, which doesn't help and will make you angry or annoyed in the long run because you might feel bad yourself for thinking like this. So I think it might be positively necessary that you don't go in order to protect your friendship.

[Silver]

Any tips for doing this nicely?

Color me pessimistic, but I believe there is no such concept as playing nice with theistitards.

[Esquilax]

Any tips for doing this nicely?

Go to church, but do what none of the other people there will do: take it seriously.

Bring a notepad. Start reading a bible as prep work a day or so beforehand, maybe even see if you can get the topic of the sermon from your friend ahead of time so you know where to direct your reading. Be educated about this topic in ways none of the christians there will be, and don't share in their rose colored glasses. Once you're in, start taking notes.

Afterwards, start asking your friend questions. Not the fuzzy, feelgood crap they ask among the group, ask the hard questions about contradictions and stuff. You can hardly be blamed for investigating things that deeply, and showing the sort of enthusiasm your friend wanted from you, but at the same time it shouldn't be hard to come up with questions that are valid enough to make any christian uncomfortable.

Chances are, you'll stop being bothered about going to church once you prove yourself to be more trouble than you're worth. They want you to just go with the flow, but there's nothing to say you can't do what your friend wants, while still maintaining a critical eye. And it's not like she'll tell you that she just wanted you to accept it all uncritically...

[Chad32]

Treat church like a school classroom? That might not be a bad idea.

[Tonus]

One of these friends of mine is rather religious herself, and since has been constantly dogging me to come along with her to her church. She says you don't even have to believe in God, and that it's more for the community aspect of religion.

One of the more effective ways of putting pressure on a person to (1)join a church and (2)remain a member is that same "community." Once you're in, the threat of losing face with the community --or of being shunned by it-- can be very effective in keeping you from leaving.

Yesterday morning my mother left me a flyer from the Jehovah's Witnesses, inviting people to their annual memorial of Christ's death. She told me that it "may be the last one that [they] observe, because Armageddon is this close." She held her forefinger and thumb about a quarter-inch apart, for emphasis. I smiled but felt sad for her, as this is the same sort of nonsense that they've been peddling for more than a century, and she's seen some form of it or another since the mid-60s when she first joined them.

I distrust any attempt to get someone to visit for some sense of community or anything that isn't an admission that if you experience it, you might be convinced to join. That is the desire, after all. Trying to dress it up as something else should be a reason to turn and run, IMO.

[OGirly]

Go to church, but do what none of the other people there will do: take it seriously.

Bring a notepad. Start reading a bible as prep work a day or so beforehand, maybe even see if you can get the topic of the sermon from your friend ahead of time so you know where to direct your reading. Be educated about this topic in ways none of the christians there will be, and don't share in their rose colored glasses. Once you're in, start taking notes.

Afterwards, start asking your friend questions. Not the fuzzy, feelgood crap they ask among the group, ask the hard questions about contradictions and stuff. You can hardly be blamed for investigating things that deeply, and showing the sort of enthusiasm your friend wanted from you, but at the same time it shouldn't be hard to come up with questions that are valid enough to make any christian uncomfortable.

Chances are, you'll stop being bothered about going to church once you prove yourself to be more trouble than you're worth. They want you to just go with the flow, but there's nothing to say you can't do what your friend wants, while still maintaining a critical eye. And it's not like she'll tell you that she just wanted you to accept it all uncritically...

That is some good advice. I'll give that a go. She does actually know the topic of the sermon the week prior to the sermon since she's involved in making it happen etc. I think this is a good way to show her that taking me to church with her is dangerous I've already had my share of arguments with her over religion, but she's insistent. Guess it's time to take it to the next level.

To everyone thanks for the encouragement and advice I'm just glad it is this one friend only who is trying to reconvert me. My Muslim friends all dumped me after I left Islam (better than them cutting of my head though so I'll take the ended friendship lol)