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RE: joke time
April 13, 2015 at 7:53 pm
It's always funny until someone puts an eye out.
Then it's hilarious.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2015 at 10:57 am
(April 13, 2015 at 7:53 pm)IATIA Wrote: It's always funny until someone puts an eye out.
Then it's hilarious.
It's all shits and giggles, until someone giggles and shits.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2015 at 11:58 am
(This post was last modified: April 14, 2015 at 11:58 am by robvalue.)
This isn't really a joke, but it's funny anyhow. It's something I remembered from wrestling ages ago.
Kurt Angle loses to Rey Mysterio Jnr.
Interview guy: "How are you feeling?"
Kurt Angle: "How am I feeling? I just got pinned by a freaking 12 year old!"
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RE: joke time
April 14, 2015 at 12:00 pm
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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RE: joke time
April 15, 2015 at 2:54 am
The psychics' greeting call:
"You're fine. How am I?"
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RE: joke time
April 15, 2015 at 12:27 pm
What is blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?
Baby with slashed floaties.
What is red and yellow and floats at the top of the pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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RE: joke time
April 15, 2015 at 12:45 pm
Ah, dead baby jokes.
What goes "wee wee wee plop"?
A 7-year-old skiing off a mountain.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
April 15, 2015 at 1:04 pm
How many times can you slap a baby across the face before it dies?
421 so far. 422...
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RE: joke time
April 19, 2015 at 6:11 pm
Now that dogs have been shown to be able to sniff out cancer, does this mean the end for the cat scan?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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joke time
April 19, 2015 at 11:24 pm
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Peru;but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge,that since she had brought the children into this world,she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:
"Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
