joke time

[Darinda]

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a typically conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’
‘Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

[Darinda]

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother said, “Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess.”
So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?”

The boy admitted that this was the case. “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A man boards a city bus and takes the only available seat next to a woman and her infant son. The woman is trying to get her fussy child to breast feed. She says, ‘You better feed, or I’ll give your milk to this nice man sitting next to us.’

The child still refuses to to feed, and the woman says again, ‘You need to take this, or I’ll give your milk to the nice man sitting next to us.

After another ten minutes, the frustrated mum tells her son, ‘For the last time - either feed or I swear I’m going to give your milk to this nice man sitting next to us!!’

Exasperated, the man says, ‘Lady, will you make up your mind? I was supposed to get off this bus three stops ago.’

Boru

[Darinda]

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady.

He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?”

The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I would try the ATM in the lobby.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two men were out hunting when the came across a massive hole in the ground. ‘Jaysus,’ says one, ‘I can’t even see the the bottom! What could make such a hole?’

‘I’m damned if I know,’ says the other, ‘and no notion of how to find out.’

‘Well, maybe we could throw something in and get an idea of how deep it is.’ As usually happens in jokes like this, his friend can’t see anything wrong with the plan, so they start looking around for something to throw in.

After a bit, they find an old tractor tire partly concealed in the bushes. With much huffing and puffing, they get it to the edge of the hole and at the count of three, heave it in.

While they’re standing there and listening for it to hit bottom, a goat comes tearing through  the shrubbery at top speed, and launches himself into the hole.

A little dumbfounded (because that’s not something you see everyday), the hunters are staring at the hole when a farmer approaches the two men and says, ‘I don’t suppose you fellas have seen a billy goat around here, have you? Can’t find the blasted creature anywhere.’

‘I hate to tell you,’ says one of the hunters, ‘but it wasn’t two minutes ago that a goat ran through here like the Devil was after him and jumped into this hole.’

The farmer thinks for a moment and say, ‘No, must be a different goat - mine was chained to a tractor tire.’

Boru

[Darinda]

Wife : had your lunch?
Me: had your lunch?

Wife: I’m asking you
Me: I’m asking you

Wife: you copying me?
Me: you copying me?

Wife: lets go shopping
Me: yes, I had my lunch

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Know why you can't use 'beefstew' as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Boru

[Darinda]

When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome.

Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.

---

Know why you can't use 'beefstew' as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Boru

Wife: shall I prepare beefstew or stroganoff today.
Me: first make it, we will name it later.

[The Valkyrie]

I know that somewhere, my mother is looking down on me.

She's not dead, just really condescending.

[Darinda]

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed. He asked her where she was going and she replied “I’m going to Las Vegas.”

He questioned her as to why she was going and she told him “I just found out that I can make $400.00 a night doing what I give you for free”. He pondered that then went into the house and packed his bags and returned to the porch and with his wife. She said

“And just where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m going too!” he replied.

“Why?” She asked.

“I want to see how you are going to live on $800.00 a year”!