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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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joke time
The Valkyrie Offline
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#6181
RE: joke time
October 7, 2022 at 2:56 am
Reggie told his wife he would buy her sewing thread while he was out.

Instead, he spent his entire day at the pub.

Gone, but not for cotton.
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#6182
RE: joke time
October 7, 2022 at 5:28 pm
Vladimir Putin is being chauffeured to Kyiv when his driver hits and kills a pig in front of a farm house. Putin orders his driver to go up to the house and explain what happened.

An hour later, the driver staggers back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand and a cigar in the other, his clothes all torn and tattered.

‘What happened to you?’, asks the astonished Putin.

‘Well, the farmer’s wife gave me the Horilka, the farmer gave me his last cigar, and his 19 and 21 year old daughters both made passionate love to me.’

‘My God!’, says Putin. ‘What did you tell them?’

‘All I said was, “I’m the President’s driver and I just killed the pig.” 

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#6183
RE: joke time
October 7, 2022 at 9:51 pm
Tell someone you love them today, because life in short.

But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#6184
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 8:28 pm (This post was last modified: October 9, 2022 at 8:28 pm by The Valkyrie.)
Me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

Patient, "You mean like burgers?"

Me, "No. Don't. Eat. Anything, fatty!"
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Fake Messiah Offline
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#6185
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 8:54 pm
(October 9, 2022 at 8:28 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

Patient, "You mean like burgers?"

Me, "No. Don't. Eat. Anything, fatty!"

I figured that most of heart surgery patients are fat people.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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arewethereyet Offline
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#6186
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 9:00 pm
(October 9, 2022 at 8:54 pm)Fake Messiah Wrote:
(October 9, 2022 at 8:28 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

Patient, "You mean like burgers?"

Me, "No.  Don't.  Eat.  Anything, fatty!"

I figured that most of heart surgery patients are fat people.

My cardiologist tells me I am his only patient who can curl up in the chair while waiting on him.  I may also be the only patient he has told to stop losing weight.  We aren't all fat.
  
“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” — Confucius
                                      
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#6187
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 9:29 pm
(October 9, 2022 at 8:54 pm)Fake Messiah Wrote:
(October 9, 2022 at 8:28 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Me, "Don't eat anything fatty."

Patient, "You mean like burgers?"

Me, "No. Don't. Eat. Anything, fatty!"

I figured that most of heart surgery patients are fat people.

Nope.

I've actually had to deny surgery to several overweight patients.

Especially one I told to lose weight, referred to a dietician, and told to come back and see me in six months (non-life threatening).

He came back a LOT more overweight than he was.
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Fake Messiah Offline
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#6188
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 10:42 pm
(October 9, 2022 at 9:29 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Especially one I told to lose weight, referred to a dietician, and told to come back and see me in six months (non-life threatening).

He came back a LOT more overweight than he was.

Maybe you should have sent him to a psychologist because it seems that saying to fat people to stop overfeeding is like saying to alcoholics to stop drinking.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#6189
RE: joke time
October 9, 2022 at 11:10 pm
(October 9, 2022 at 10:42 pm)Fake Messiah Wrote:
(October 9, 2022 at 9:29 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Especially one I told to lose weight, referred to a dietician, and told to come back and see me in six months (non-life threatening).

He came back a LOT more overweight than he was.

Maybe you should have sent him to a psychologist because it seems that saying to fat people to stop overfeeding is like saying to alcoholics to stop drinking.

Doesn't work that way.

Without clear indications of an eating disorder, I can't recommend a shrink consult. That's why I pass patients to a dietician.
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Fake Messiah Offline
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#6190
RE: joke time
October 10, 2022 at 1:02 am
(October 9, 2022 at 11:10 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Doesn't work that way.

Without clear indications of an eating disorder, I can't recommend a shrink consult. That's why I pass patients to a dietician.

But he can not lose weight to save his life...
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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