joke time

[Paraselene]

If the Goo Goo dolls ever tour with Lady Gaga, the concert promoters are missing a trick if they don’t bill it as ‘The Goo Goo Gaga Tour’.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

If the Goo Goo dolls ever tour with Lady Gaga, the concert promoters are missing a trick if they don’t bill it as ‘The Goo Goo Gaga Tour’.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

The difference between Melania and Lady Justice is that Lady Justice is still coming for Donald...

[Fireball]

The difference between Melania and Lady Justice is that Lady Justice is still coming for Donald...

The Scales in one hand, and a sword in the other. I'm liking this! #NoJoke

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Some people say that women shouldn't have kids after 40, and I agree...40 kids is WAY too many.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Boru

[Darinda]

At Christmas time, there’s nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep.

Maybe that’s why I’m no longer a fireman.

[Darinda]

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,” she replied.

“Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,” he explained.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have known there was a good explanation.”

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, “What in the world was that for?”

She replied, “Your horse called.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Some varieties of date palms don’t produce fruit until the tree is 70-80 years old. This has led to the adage, ‘The man who plants dates does not harvest dates.’

A young Buddhist acolyte sees his master planting date palms in his garden. He approaches the elderly man and asks, ‘Reverend sir - why do you plant dates when you know that will never live to harvest them?’

The old man rises from his work, smiles kindly on the young man and, with the wisdom of the ages, says,

---

‘My son, go forth and eat a fat dick. This is my own garden, and I’ll plant whatever the fuck I want.’

---

Boru

[Darinda]

One morning, a man is surprised to see a gorilla lounging on his roof. He flips through the yellow pages and indeed, there’s an advertisement for “Gorilla Removers.”

He dials the provided number, and the gorilla eviction specialist assures him he’ll be there within half an hour.

The gorilla remover shows up, steps out of his van equipped with a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun, and a ferocious pit bull. The man, curious, asks, “What’s your plan?”

The specialist explains, “I’m going to set this ladder against the roof, climb up, and use this baseball bat to knock the gorilla off. Once the gorilla hits the ground, my pit bull is trained to latch onto its testicles and not let go. This should mellow the gorilla enough for me to secure it in the cage at the back of my van.”

He passes the shotgun to the man, who then asks, “And the shotgun’s purpose?”

“If the gorilla manages to knock me off the roof,” the specialist quips, “shoot the dog!”