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joke time
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Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was green as grass And every time it sneezed Flames shot out it's arse. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck She put them on the mantelpiece To see if they'd fall off Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket. Every time the lamb climbed out The dog tried to put it back. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot the shepherd.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Shakespeare walked into a bar.
Barman says "Get out! You're bard!"
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. — Edward Gibbon
RE: joke time
November 19, 2015 at 9:47 pm
(This post was last modified: November 19, 2015 at 9:48 pm by Cyberman.)
The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
 (November 19, 2015 at 9:41 pm)Stimbo Wrote: Mary had a little lamb I love word play like that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8ko2nCk_hE
Superman and Batman arrange to meet and go for a night out. Batman waits at the appointed time but there's no sign of Superman. Eventually, 2 hours later Superman shows up looking the worse for wear. Batman : Hey! Whats up man!
Superman: Well, as I was flying through Gotham city, I saw, through an open window, a beautiful naked woman lying on her back with her legs open. So I thought I'd fly straight in there. Batman: That must have given her quite a shock. Superman: Not half as big a shock as it gave the invisible man !
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. — Edward Gibbon
Ha, heard a slight variation of that exact joke on Vicar of Dibley.
 (November 19, 2015 at 9:36 pm)Beccs Wrote: Mary had a little lamb That wasn't what you were going to say.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers. Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind. |
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