Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
September 9, 2017 at 1:25 pm
(September 9, 2017 at 11:28 am)Cyberman Wrote: Ohm - the SI unit of electrical resistance. I was wondering why all those people were walking around Electri City with picket signs. They sure had a high ohm. It didn't matter in the end with their static government.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 9, 2017 at 6:10 pm
WHO
IS JACK SCHITT
For some time many of us have wondered just who
is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You
don't know Jack Schitt'!
Well, thanks to
my genealogy efforts, yo u can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate,
who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one
son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced
six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the
twins
Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high
school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were
living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as
Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt marr ied Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six
children,
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and
subsequently married the Happens broth ers in a dual ceremony. The wedding
announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The
Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt', you can
correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
September 9, 2017 at 6:56 pm
(September 9, 2017 at 1:25 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: (September 9, 2017 at 11:28 am)Cyberman Wrote: Ohm - the SI unit of electrical resistance. I was wondering why all those people were walking around Electri City with picket signs. They sure had a high ohm. It didn't matter in the end with their static government.
How does a Buddhist electrician pray? Ohms of course.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
September 13, 2017 at 6:46 am
"Technically, the anus was the first wind instrument" - Wiki
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
September 13, 2017 at 7:28 am
Meet renowned flatulist Joseph Pujol, aka Le Pétomamane.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
September 13, 2017 at 7:31 am
(This post was last modified: September 13, 2017 at 7:33 am by ignoramus.)
A professional flatulist?
You're shitting me!
Was he successful or did his career ultimately backfire?
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
September 13, 2017 at 7:43 am
From an early age, he had a gut feeling he was destined to cause a stink. Once people got wind of his talent, he blew them away.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
September 14, 2017 at 6:04 pm
Okay, a nice one for a change.
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation:
156
RE: joke time
September 18, 2017 at 10:11 am
I was in the park this afternoon, when a rather irate woman came up to me and asked "Excuse me, are you taking photos of my kids on your iphone?"
I said, "Well, yes I am taking pictures, but it's not what you think."
"Oh really?" she said, "What is it, then?"
I said, "It's a Galaxy S5."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
September 18, 2017 at 11:29 am
(September 18, 2017 at 10:11 am)Cyberman Wrote: I was in the park this afternoon, when a rather irate woman came up to me and asked "Excuse me, are you taking photos of my kids on your iphone?"
I said, "Well, yes I am taking pictures, but it's not what you think."
"Oh really?" she said, "What is it, then?"
I said, "It's a Galaxy S5." That makes all the difference. In a court room, lttile discrepancies like that could lose a case.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
|
