joke time

[vulcanlogician]

What do you call the sweat between two West Virginians making love?


Relative humidity.

[ignoramus]

I'm having an identity crisis.
People are throwing rotten tomatoes at me. I just don't know if they think I'm a vegetable or a fruit cake?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I'm having an identity crisis.
People are throwing rotten tomatoes at me. I just don't know if they think I'm a vegetable or a fruit cake?

Maybe they think you're a bad film.

Boru

[Little lunch]

Three old codgers are sitting around the nursing home, talking about their sleeping patterns.

Bob says, "Go to bed at 9pm.  Sleep soundly.  Get up at 8am.  Straight to the bathroom for a strong bowel movement."

Kyle smiles and says, ""Go to bed at 8pm.  Sleep like a log.  Get up and 8am and head straight for the bathroom for a strong bowel movement."

Bruce replies, "Go to bed at 8.30 pm.  Sleep like a log.  Strong bowel movement at 9am." and then bursts into tears.

"What's wrong with that, Bruce?" ask his concerned friends.

"I don't get up until 9.30!"

I've got a guy like this at work.
If we don't get in before he wakes up, he just drags shit from the bed to the bathroom.
If I didn't have to work between school hours I'd much prefer the afternoon or night shift.

[Brian37]

What do the Skins and America have in common? Both are run by idiots.

[Cod]

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and dark eyes. The husband was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, be totally honest with me, is our youngest son my child?"
The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that the husband passed away. The wife muttered "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."

[purplepurpose]

https://www.quora.com/Why-are-muslims-mo...-religions

[Little lunch]

This is my daughter's latest joke.

Why do ducks have feathers?

So you can't see their butt quack.

[Haipule]

Jesus and Moses were at the beach, drinking Jesus' wine, reminiscing about the good ol' days. For old times sake, Moses parts the sea. Jesus then went to walk on the water but immediately sank. Moses quipped, "Last time you didn't have those holes in your feet".

[chorlton]

catholic church dating policy

if you cant get one at 20 get two at 10