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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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joke time
A. Secular Human Offline
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#4291
RE: joke time
December 2, 2020 at 5:28 pm (This post was last modified: December 2, 2020 at 5:29 pm by A. Secular Human.)
(November 30, 2020 at 5:56 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:
(November 30, 2020 at 5:37 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: At the nursing home they give all the old dudes viagra...


It keeps them from rolling out of bed.

One of those oldies OD’d, though. Had to bury the poor fella in an open casket.

Boru

Nah.  they just dug out the hole saw.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4292
RE: joke time
December 3, 2020 at 5:39 am
A recent study has indicated that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4293
RE: joke time
December 7, 2020 at 6:53 am
Santa: What do you want for Christmas?

Me: I want a dragon.

Santa: Be serious.

Me: Ok, I want Donald Trump to start behaving rationally.

Santa:  What colour dragon?

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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The Valkyrie Offline
The last smile some will see...
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#4294
RE: joke time
December 7, 2020 at 5:01 pm
(December 7, 2020 at 6:53 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Santa: What do you want for Christmas?

Me: I want a dragon.

Santa: Be serious.

Me: Ok, I want Donald Trump to start behaving rationally.

Santa:  What colour dragon?

Boru

Every time I hear a variation of that joke I'm reminded of a really old skit from a TV show.

I can't remember the show.

Billy Connolly as god and Kenny Everett as an angel.

God is deciding what shape humans will be while the angel uses a flip chart to show various designs.

God rejects them all for various reasons, including a toucan fir being "too Jewish".

The final option is Leonardo da Vinci's famous image of a human in the circle (can't remember what it's called).

But it has Barry Manilow's face.

Everyone is horrified.

God says, "Go back to the Jewish one!"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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Rhizomorph13 Offline
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#4295
RE: joke time
December 7, 2020 at 5:03 pm
Vitruvian man
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4296
RE: joke time
December 8, 2020 at 2:56 pm
Abraham Lincoln hated wooden hammers so much, he tried to ban them. We know this because gave that famous speech about ‘...with mallets toward none...’.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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Gawdzilla Sama Offline
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#4297
RE: joke time
December 9, 2020 at 10:37 am
Trump presidency.
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polymath257 Offline
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#4298
RE: joke time
December 9, 2020 at 2:11 pm (This post was last modified: December 9, 2020 at 2:11 pm by polymath257.)
(December 9, 2020 at 10:37 am)Gawdzilla Sama Wrote: Trump presidency.

A very bad joke. In poor taste.
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vulcanlogician Offline
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#4299
RE: joke time
December 10, 2020 at 7:44 pm
Quote:A white scientist is studying an African tribe.
One day, the tribe leaders wife has a white son.
The tribe leader approaches the scientist soon after.
"Well, we both know what happened here. No one else could have done it. You slept with my wife, I have to kill you." The tribe leader says.
The scientist's brow furrows as he is deep in thought.
"No no no sir there's been a terrible misunderstanding!" The scientist exclaims. "Look out at the pasture." He points his index finger to the fields, where a flock of sheep are grazing.
"Yes, what is the matter? It's just sheep." The tribe leader asks.
"Do you see that sheep? It's black, while the rest of the sheep are white. The same can be said about your son, It simply happens sometimes in nature."
The tribe leader grasps the scientists shoulders and stares him down intensely.
"I won't say anything about my son if you don't say anything about that sheep"
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Fake Messiah Offline
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#4300
RE: joke time
December 13, 2020 at 1:45 am
A rabbi, a lawyer, and a priest are aboard the sinking Titanic.

They rush to the lifeboat and as they get in, the rabbi says: "What about the children?"

The lawyer says: "Screw the children!"

The priest says, "Do you think we have time?"
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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