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RE: joke time
October 29, 2021 at 12:52 pm
A man and wife are settled into bed one night and his wife feels all kinda warm inside. He meantime just wants to go to sleep.
“Darling, at one time we used to hold hands all the time,” she says as he lies there with his back to her.
He holds her hand for a minute and tries to fall over again.
“Darling,” she coos next, “We used to kiss a lot at one time.”
He snaps round pecks her on the cheek and settles himself to go to sleep again.
“Darling,” she persists, “you used to nibble my ears at one time.”
Raging he throws off the bedclothes and jumps out of bed.
“Where are you going?” she asks him as he stomps out the room.
“To get my teeth!”
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RE: joke time
October 30, 2021 at 3:30 am
Priest: Do you ever read the Good Book?
Me: Frequently.
Priest: What's your favourite part?
Me: The Riders of Rohan coming to the rescue of Minas Tirith.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
October 30, 2021 at 11:56 am
Netflix has decided to get into the adult film industry and call it's subsidiary "Nut Flix".
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RE: joke time
October 30, 2021 at 2:57 pm
(This post was last modified: October 30, 2021 at 2:58 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
A man and wife are having a round of golf when the man hits a horrible slice that smashes through the window of a nearby house. They immediately head to house to apologize and offer to pay for any damages.
When they ring the bell, the door is answered by a tall, handsome, mustachioed man in a turban. Before they have a chance to speak, the man says, ‘Bless you dear friends! I am a genie who had been imprisoned in a lamp for 800 years. Your golf ball smashed the lamp and released me. For setting me free, I will grant you one wish.’
The husband says, ‘How about ten million dollars?’
‘It is done!’, says the genie. ‘Your bank account has been increased by ten million dollars. Now, I would ask a favour. As I told you, I have been in that lamp for eight centuries, and have not known a woman’s touch in all that time. May I sleep with your beautiful wife? After all, I did just make you very, very wealthy…’
The couple discuss it for a few minutes. The wife is willing, as it seems a small price to pay for becoming millionaires, and the husband reluctantly agrees.
The genie and the wife retire to an upstairs bedroom, where they go at it like bunnies. During the afterglow, the genie says, ‘If you don’t mind me asking, how old is your husband ?’
‘He just turned 30. Why?’
‘That’s funny…30 years old and he still believes in genies!’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
October 31, 2021 at 10:04 am
A man enters a wine shop
and asks the seller:
Which wine would you advise me for my wedding anniversary?
Wine Seller:
Sir, it totally depends on whether you want to celebrate or want to forget.
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RE: joke time
October 31, 2021 at 12:44 pm
A mallard duck walks into a bar, order's several drinks, then at the end of the night, the bartender says, "Will that be cash or credit?"
The mallard says, "Just put it on my bill".
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RE: joke time
November 1, 2021 at 1:59 am
Due to staff shortages, anyone dressed up as a slutty nurse for Halloween will be required to cover a few shifts.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
November 1, 2021 at 3:20 am
(November 1, 2021 at 3:13 am)onlinebiker Wrote: (November 1, 2021 at 1:59 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: Due to staff shortages, anyone dressed up as a slutty nurse for Halloween will be required to cover a few shifts.
Gotta love slutty nurses....
I' m reminded of the one late night - in 2001 - when DVDs in a laptop were a novelty - sitting in bed in the ICU with not one - but two nurses sitting on the bed, watching a movie and eating popcorn.
For some reasin I can' t recall the title of the movie...
Sluttiest nurse I ever met was a gay guy in Sydney, named Dave.
We were good friends.
He was the only one to really not take my shit after my bike accident.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
November 1, 2021 at 4:35 am
Boss, on a Friday afternoon: ‘I need you to work this weekend.’
Me: ‘Ok, but I may be late - you know how slow public transport is on the weekends.’
Boss: ‘What time do you think you’ll be in?’
Me: ‘Monday.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
