joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I was married to a nun - I got none in the morning and none at night.

Boru

[Darinda]

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary…
The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’”.

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last’”.

[A. Secular Human]

I wanted to be a Gregorian monk.



But I never got the chants.

Having chants named after me doesn't impress anybody.

Now, the whole calendar thing...*that* gets their attention!

[The Valkyrie]

I wanted to be a Gregorian monk.



But I never got the chants.

Having chants named after me doesn't impress anybody.

Now, the whole calendar thing...*that* gets their attention!

You haven't seen the Beccs Calendar?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Having chants named after me doesn't impress anybody.

Now, the whole calendar thing...*that* gets their attention!

You haven't seen the Beccs Calendar?

After the 12th pic, I made my own.

Boru

[Darinda]

TEACHER: If you had $1 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

DAVID: One.

TEACHER: You don’t know your arithmetic.

DAVID: You don’t know my father.

[Darinda]

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he gets up, a seven year old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, “If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.”

The old man snaps back: “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today.”

[The Valkyrie]

Jack is walking home late one night and decides to take a shortcut through the cemetary.

He is halfway through when he hears tapping coming from the darkness.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He feels a little exposed and decides to quicken his pace, but the sound seems to get louder.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Truly frightened now, Jack is almost running, but the sound gets louder.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He's about to truly panic when he sees a man with a hammer and chisel making changes to a gravestone.

Relieved, Jack wslks over to the man. "You scared the crap out of me!" He says, "But why are you working so late?"

"They spelled my name wrong."






Tap. Tap. Tap.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'Will I be OK, doctor?'

'I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus.'

'Pfft. I don't do that astrology stuff.'

'Me neither. My thermometer just broke.'

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Dad, who has overcome unemployment, financial disaster, alcoholism and depression: ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

Teenage daughter after listen to three seconds of a Billie Eilish song: ‘You wouldn’t understand.’

Boru