joke time

[Roxy904]

What does a British woman call her period?

Bloody hell.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

[Cyberman]

Guy in a pub with his mates, telling jokes.

"There's these two blondes in a zoo," he says, when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he sees this seven foot tall blonde amazon, built like a brick shithouse.

She says, "Excuse me, but I'm a prop forward for a rugby league team. My friend here is a champion weightlifter. The woman on the other side of you is a martial arts trainer. As you can see, we're all blonde. Now, do you still want to tell your 'dumb blonde' joke?"

The man looks around at the three blonde behemoths and shakes his head.

"No, I don't think I'll bother now," he says. "I don't fancy having to explain it three times."

[Roxy904]

Why do women make better soldiers than men?
They can bleed for a week and not die.

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"

What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Ance waits until a boy is 13 before coming on his face. (I don't know if this has been said already.)

[Cyberman]

I think perhaps a Michael Jackson variant of it.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A blonde woman was once asked, 'Do you smoke after sex?'

After a few seconds' pause she answered, 'I don't know - I've never looked.'

Boru

[Alex K]

Guy comes to the doctor and says: "doc, my wife doesn't want to take hormones and I don't, you know, don't perform well with condoms. Can't you recommend a more convenient alternative?"

Says the doctor: "Sure, no problem! Eating an apple will do."

The guy looks puzzled: "that sounds too good to be true, are you certain that it works?"

"100%", says the doctor.

The guy thinks about it for a second, but is still confused: "Erm ok... and do I... eat the apple... before or after?"

"No, no", says the doctor, "you eat it instead"

[Cyberman]

The NSPCC are to hold a celebrity charity auction event, with famous musicians donating personal items to raise funds.

Eric Clapton is donating a guitar.

Elton John is auctioning a piano.

And Gary Glitter will be giving the kids a fiddle.

[Marsellus Wallace]

-How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me" .

[KUSA]

I'm not sure how I feel about abortions. It's ok when children die, but I hate giving women a choice.

[Silver]

How do you spot a fake psychic?

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She says that she is a psychic.

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