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How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 11:51 am
Hello everyone, my name is Heather, I'm new here. I would like to get some advice from other atheists...
I grew up in a catholic family and attended church every Saturday as well as Sunday school. My dad is a child of 7, my grandma and grandpa being pretty religious people. So obviously they raised their kids to be that way too. 1 out of 7 aunts and uncles doesn't believe in God, but the rest are all catholic, reading the bible every day, one of my aunts works as a missionary for glenmary church even. The past few years my religious beliefs dwindled down into nothing, and so this year (after the birth of my first born child) I decided it was time to admit to myself that I do not believe in god or follow any religion. I think it had a lot to do with the birth of my son and realizing that he was not a miracle gift given to me from a higher power, he is the result of me having sex with his father, and I don't want to raise him to be afraid of some mysterious being and fearing hell his whole life. Which that whole thing obviously would sound very backward to any religious person.
Anyway, I wanted to come out of the closet to everyone but got nervous and decided to hide it from 99% of my family. I love my family dearly and they are great people, but I know they wouldn't accept my beliefs and would probably give me the cold shoulder for awhile and tell me they feel sorry for me, and they'll pray for me, and "how can you look at your son and say that there is no god?" Most of all really, I'm afraid to tell my dad, because he's wonderful and he means everything to me and I don't want to hurt him or make him disappointed in me. But I do want my family to know who I am, and not have to pretend I believe in something I don't.
Oh, another thing is that I've been pressured to ask when I'm going to baptize my son, and family members will want to take him to church. I don't mind if my son goes to church, but I don't want religion to be pressured onto him. I will teach him about what other people believes, and I will tell him what his parents believe, but I do not want other people brainwashing him with their beliefs.
I find it disgusting that anyone should have to worry about being ridiculed or shunned due to not believing the same way as someone else, especially when that something I'm expected to believe in is just a story written in a book, that no one has any legit proof is even real.
Anyone gone through this, and have any advice? Thanks!
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 11:57 am
Move away from your family and start somewhere new? Or just tell them and stand up for yourself. Research Xian apologetics, that way you will probably already have an answer to whatever they say.
'The more I learn about people the more I like my dog'- Mark Twain
'You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.' - Dr House
“Young earth creationism is essentially the position that all of modern science, 90% of living scientists and 98% of living biologists, all major university biology departments, every major science journal, the American Academy of Sciences, and every major science organization in the world, are all wrong regarding the origins and development of life….but one particular tribe of uneducated, bronze aged, goat herders got it exactly right.” - Chuck Easttom
"If my good friend Doctor Gasparri speaks badly of my mother, he can expect to get punched.....You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others. There is a limit." - Pope Francis on freedom of speech
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:00 pm
I don't think there's an easy way around it for you. In my case, my whole family is Christian but my immediate family never went to church so I'm able to keep quiet about my beliefs and I don't have to worry about them taking my kid to church (other than church camp this summer, which she enjoyed, but the "praying was annoying" haha that's my girl) or brainwashing her.
You, I'm afraid, will have to confront them. There's no easy way around it. I would suggest a letter. That way your voice and your main points can e heard before any hollering or rejecting goes on.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:01 pm
(September 10, 2014 at 11:51 am)badlydrawngirl Wrote: Hello everyone, my name is Heather, I'm new here. 
Quote:I love my family dearly and they are great people, but I know they wouldn't accept my beliefs and would probably give me the cold shoulder for awhile and tell me they feel sorry for me...
( emphasis added)
What are your beliefs?
Quote:I find it disgusting that anyone should have to worry about being ridiculed or shunned due to not believing the same way as someone else, especially when that something I'm expected to believe in is just a story written in a book, that no one has any legit proof is even real.
( emphasis added)
It's not only theists who project like this - it's Human nature.
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:01 pm
My family is also catholic. A few questions come to mind.
How educated is your family? My parents both have post-graduate degrees, and are able to understand and even sympathize with my views. I frankly think they compartmentalize, they know it's all rubbish but they choose to believe anyway. That agree there's little or no truth in the supernatural claims, but still gain some value from being in the church. My aunt, who is less educated, views me with a bit more skepticism and hostility.
How supportive is your family? Do you think they'll still love and support you? Or will they shun you? Is being honest with them and yourself more important than seeking their approval? I don't like or respect much of my family, if they choose to shun me due to an honest view I hold I don't want them poisoning my life.
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:13 pm
Not specifically. I don't have any kids. But I know that when I do, there will be serious conversations I have to have with my parents/sister. But a small part of my motivation for doing everything I can to be successful is so that I didn't owe anything to my parents (they are highly religious, but incredibly supportive), and so that they couldn't point to anything in my life being a 'result' of my atheism. It was a childish motivation (even if only partial) to start life out with, I now realize that, but it served me well.
I think it's all about self confidence. I know it can be scary to be the only person in a room of religious people. No way around that. But you are your own advocate, and most importantly, you are your children's advocate. If you don't want them baptized, that's up to you. If you don't want them to attend church, that's up to you. I don't want to indoctrinate my children, so I will have conversations with them, we will go to church, synagogue, mosque to experience and discuss what everyone believes. My children will not be going to church with family members without me there, and there will be boundaries about conversations with my family members about religion while I'm not there.
In short: confidence in yourself, setting boundaries, demanding that those boundaries be kept, and (if it were me) not doing to your son what was done to you and what you fear might be done to him with your family. Teach him how to think, not what to think.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:14 pm
(September 10, 2014 at 12:01 pm)ShaMan Wrote: (September 10, 2014 at 11:51 am)badlydrawngirl Wrote: Hello everyone, my name is Heather, I'm new here.
Quote:I love my family dearly and they are great people, but I know they wouldn't accept my beliefs and would probably give me the cold shoulder for awhile and tell me they feel sorry for me...
(emphasis added)
What are your beliefs?
Quote:I find it disgusting that anyone should have to worry about being ridiculed or shunned due to not believing the same way as someone else, especially when that something I'm expected to believe in is just a story written in a book, that no one has any legit proof is even real.
(emphasis added)
It's not only theists who project like this - it's Human nature.
My beliefs are just that the bible is bullshit and just started as a way to try to control society, there is no god sitting up in the clouds waiting for me, and when I die I'm going to be gone as if I never existed.... that's about it, but I don't know if that's how I should word it lol
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 12:19 pm
My parents pressured us to baptize my first boy. They didn't give two shits about jesus, the pope or any of the rest of the garbage, they were concerned what people "would think." And, they wanted to have a party.
We said "no." He can make up his own mind when he gets older. He has - he has nothing to do with religion. Nor does my second but by the time he came along the battle was over.
There is a terrible pressure to conform in all religion and catholics are merely worse than the others not different.
Personally, I don't see how any one can voluntarily remain a member of such a corrupt and vile institution as the RCC.
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 1:08 pm
And while you are wondering how to deal with them, you might want to spend a moment to ponder how they are going to deal with you.
Is Uncle Dave wound a little to tight?? Is he the murder/suicide type??
And what of the others?? Kidnap you and send you to a Christer forced labor re-education center??
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RE: How do you deal with a religious family?
September 10, 2014 at 1:26 pm
(September 10, 2014 at 1:08 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: And while you are wondering how to deal with them, you might want to spend a moment to ponder how they are going to deal with you.
Is Uncle Dave wound a little to tight?? Is he the murder/suicide type??
And what of the others?? Kidnap you and send you to a Christer forced labor re-education center??
Ummmm, no. lmao.
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