I need some advice

[ShaMan]

I'm always the weirdo in class. I've been publicly called names because I'm eccentric (odd). Shame is a choice for you to make for yourself. Someone may do something shameful toward you, and thereby try to put shame onto you, but the shame is really theirs. Ignore her. Her shameful self will be evident to all when her targets of projection refuse to reflect her intended affect.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I had a situation at work today with a coworker. I recently started at a local call center, and this is a pretty big operation where they are hiring about 150-200 people. As a result of this I am in a large training of about 20 people. Now I have high functioning autism, and that makes me seem a little weird to some people. Its not something I'm ashamed of but I don't advertise it to people for obvious reasons. Now yesterday we changed up seats, and today of woman of about 40 prominently proclaimed too the entire class that she was mad she had to sit next to me because I'm a creep and I ask weird questions. I pretended it didn't bother at the time and a few minutes later I came hip with a reason to go to HR. Now when I went to hr they asked me what I would like to see to which I responded that I never want to see this lady again. They said they would email my trainer to talk to my class about professionalism.
In other words they are not doing shit, how should I deal with this moving forward?

Bite your lip and keep your job -- but if she repeats the behavior, tell her immediately and in front of everyone present that you "expect" the behavior to stop immediately -- then go to HR once again, and explain to them, in these words, that you have this chance to resolve this issue in-house.

Of course, you had better be prepared to go forward with a lawyer using a "hostile workplace" claim based on your autism.

[CapnAwesome]

How do you deal privately with someone that publicly shames you? If she was mature and came to me privately it would be a different matter.

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Just to give a bit more detail on the situation, thios woman has been noted several times for being openly disruptive to the class, and I demonstrated this afternoon that those "weird questions" I have helped prepare me aptly for my job when I was double jacking with a agent on the floor today and was forced to take his call do to technical issues. Something most in my class have openly said they could not do. Also quitting is not a option do to my financial situation.

You can be the mature one and go to her privately. At least it should be your first option. It seems unfair to hold someone to a standard that you yourself are not upholding. If that didn't go well then you could deal with them with HR or whatever. What you did was try to get her fired or what could result in her being fired. That's an overreaction. The mature thing is definitely to try to deal with it yourself first. You go up and say 'what you said really upset me and I wonder what I've done to offend you.' That doesn't mean it's your only option. If she says "Fuck off weirdo" Then maybe you can seek other options, but I would never try to get someone fired as a first option.

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Wait... so Lemon privately going to HR was worse than her publicly shaming him? I totally disagree with that part.

I don't really see how you disagree with that. Does that woman not need to support herself also? Lemon may not have felt great about that for a minute but what he did seems to be an attempt to get someone fired just because he felt embarrassed. Who cares what she thinks. Like someone else said, if the situation is being accurately reported everyone probably thinks she's an asshole. How do you know what her fiscal situation is? What if someone did that to you? It seems like an overreaction to me is all. Sometimes it's amazing to me how quick some of you are to judge someone who we only have one sided information on. Maybe that woman is having private struggles at home? Maybe she suffers from some sort of depression or self confidence problem of her own and her way of dealing with it is to lash out. You don't know based on one paragraph that someone wrote on the internet. Lemon doesn't know because he hasn't attempted to have a private conversation with the person and instead attempted to get someone else to deal with his own problem. Going behind someone's back to try to get them fired is way worse when you can just talk to them privately and tell them how you feel about what they said. At the very least that should be your first option.

[pocaracas]

she was mad she had to sit next to me because I'm a creep and I ask weird questions.

Oh no, lemon... what have you done to the poor woman that would make her say something like that?

You're a creep? What does that mean? That you're constantly creeping her out? Always looking at her in a funny way? Poking her with a pencil? Making creepy noises? What??

The weird questions part is a bit laughable... regardless of where she sits, she'll have to hear them. :p

[Lemonvariable72]

she was mad she had to sit next to me because I'm a creep and I ask weird questions.

Oh no, lemon... what have you done to the poor woman that would make her say something like that?

You're a creep? What does that mean? That you're constantly creeping her out? Always looking at her in a funny way? Poking her with a pencil? Making creepy noises? What??

The weird questions part is a bit laughable... regardless of where she sits, she'll have to hear them. :p

Haha my questions aren't even weird, they just sound that way to her because I've worked these places before and she hasn't. Too answer your other question, I can't even recall having any real direct contact with this woman, I can tell you I haven't looked at her in a weird way as she is 40 and fat, I have been on the other side of the room the most of the time.

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How do you deal privately with someone that publicly shames you? If she was mature and came to me privately it would be a different matter.

---

Just to give a bit more detail on the situation, thios woman has been noted several times for being openly disruptive to the class, and I demonstrated this afternoon that those "weird questions" I have helped prepare me aptly for my job when I was double jacking with a agent on the floor today and was forced to take his call do to technical issues. Something most in my class have openly said they could not do. Also quitting is not a option do to my financial situation.

You can be the mature one and go to her privately. At least it should be your first option. It seems unfair to hold someone to a standard that you yourself are not upholding. If that didn't go well then you could deal with them with HR or whatever. What you did was try to get her fired or what could result in her being fired. That's an overreaction. The mature thing is definitely to try to deal with it yourself first. You go up and say 'what you said really upset me and I wonder what I've done to offend you.' That doesn't mean it's your only option. If she says "Fuck off weirdo" Then maybe you can seek other options, but I would never try to get someone fired as a first option.

I'm not sure how much experience you have in dealing with bullies, but I have somewhat expensive experience with it and what you suggested would only result in me appearing weak. If I appear then the situation simply escalates, because she will think she can just make fun of me whenever she wants. That would eventually lead to her trying me fired because I'm weird and she can get away with it. What i was attempting to do was find a mature way to handle this that still says "I'm not gonna take your bullshit"

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Wait... so Lemon privately going to HR was worse than her publicly shaming him? I totally disagree with that part.

I don't really see how you disagree with that. Does that woman not need to support herself also?
[/quote]
If supporting herself is so important to her then why is she risking her job to make fun of people?

Lemon may not have felt great about that for a minute but what he did seems to be an attempt to get someone fired just because he felt embarrassed. Who cares what she thinks. Like someone else said, if the situation is being accurately reported everyone probably thinks she's an asshole.

Some do, but in reality she seems to fit in better then me. She doesnt do this to anyone else

How do you know what her fiscal situation is? What if someone did that to you?

If I was just joking around and I hit a nerve like that sre I'd be pissed they went to hr at first, but then I'd take a minute calm down and apologize top that person in front of everyone, the sameway I made fun of them.

It seems like an overreaction to me is all. Sometimes it's amazing to me how quick some of you are to judge someone who we only have one sided information on. Maybe that woman is having private struggles at home? Maybe she suffers from some sort of depression or self confidence problem of her own and her way of dealing with it is to lash out.

So? That is not a excuse to put others down. I'm dealing with all those issues and I am not publicly shaming people.

You don't know based on one paragraph that someone wrote on the internet. Lemon doesn't know because he hasn't attempted to have a private conversation with the person and instead attempted to get someone else to deal with his own problem. Going behind someone's back to try to get them fired is way worse when you can just talk to them privately and tell them how you feel about what they said. At the very least that should be your first option.

Should people that openly engage in such behavior at a work place be allowed to continue to be employed there?

[pocaracas]

Oh no, lemon... what have you done to the poor woman that would make her say something like that?

You're a creep? What does that mean? That you're constantly creeping her out? Always looking at her in a funny way? Poking her with a pencil? Making creepy noises? What??

The weird questions part is a bit laughable... regardless of where she sits, she'll have to hear them. :p

Haha my questions aren't even weird, they just sound that way to her because I've worked these places before and she hasn't. Too answer your other question, I can't even recall having any real direct contact with this woman, I can tell you I haven't looked at her in a weird way as she is 40 and fat, I have been on the other side of the room the most of the time.

So, a completely unprovoked outburst against you.... perhaps based only on your strange looks (do you look that much different from the majority of humanity?)
That does sound like bullying, on a psychological level... which may be dangerous if it continues. If you're likely to never again have to interact with this person, I'd advise to just let it go.

[Lemonvariable72]

Haha my questions aren't even weird, they just sound that way to her because I've worked these places before and she hasn't. Too answer your other question, I can't even recall having any real direct contact with this woman, I can tell you I haven't looked at her in a weird way as she is 40 and fat, I have been on the other side of the room the most of the time.

So, a completely unprovoked outburst against you.... perhaps based only on your strange looks (do you look that much different from the majority of humanity?)
That does sound like bullying, on a psychological level... which may be dangerous if it continues. If you're likely to never again have to interact with this person, I'd advise to just let it go.

I don't look especially strange, just some times people think I have weird mannerisms. In this case it is me asking "weird" questions. Unfortunately I'm going to have to deal with this woman for at least another week in training. But once that is done it will be much easier to avoid her once I'm out of training. You know to be honest bully is far less damaging when you take action against then when you ignore it. That's just my perspective though.

[CapnAwesome]

I don't really understand the point of these threads. Are you really looking for advice or just validation for what you did? You pretty much are arguing with all the advice that isn't just supporting what you did. What's the point? If you feel like you did the right thing, what do you really want advice about?

Also what you did is not the right tactic to deal with bullying. Neither is ignoring it. What I'm suggesting is both the mature, moral and probably the best way to get the woman of your back. You are free to ignore it of course, but next time you want to just justify your own actions maybe you shouldn't disguise that as a cry for advice. Also it makes you look waaaay oversensitive to me. Which kind of makes the whole narrative make a lot more sense. Also to the part about you not publically shaming her, you are, on the internet. You insulted her appearance, and basically came of as just as insulting as she is. What if someone from your work finds this thread. It's hardly impossible.

[Little lunch]

They probably don't call him Lemon Variable at work.
To ask for advice is also to ask for a different perspective. He might have already thought of what you said, Captain, and therefore did not take your advice.
He may have also wanted some support from friends. You were hardly supportive.
No one has to thick skinned. Where does it say that in the rules?

[Thumpalumpacus]

Also to the part about you not publically shaming her, you are, on the internet. You insulted her appearance, and basically came of as just as insulting as she is. What if someone from your work finds this thread. It's hardly impossible.

To us, she is an abstraction. To his coworkers, Lemon is a real person. Shame is an interpersonal dynamic, and those conditions aren't present here because none of us know her.

Put another way, she would only feel shame if she knows she's the butt of his derogatory comments, and cared about our opinions. Neither of those conditions obtain here, while both of them obtain in her treatment of Lemon.