Secular Funeral

[Jenny A]

I should have updated this. My brother went to speak with the funeral home director about our little plan for a secular funeral. We had some worries about making it work. No need. She told him that our plan is essentially what most people who use funeral homes rather than churches are doing these days. Consequently, the use of the chapel there includes audio visual equipment. And the chapel is designed to become rather unchaple-like in a hurry. There is a curtain that can be drawn over the cross, and the alter is on wheels.

We go together Wednesday morning to complete the planning.

The snags have so far vae had little to do with the funeral service and everything to do with legalities regarding the body. In New Mexico, you can't cremate a body without the consent (notary required) of a majority of the deceased's kin. So there will be no cremation until I arrive on Tuesday and signing the consent form will be the first thing on my to do list.

Oddly, while you can scatter ashes just about anywhere on public or private (with permission) property, if you bury those same ashes, why then you are creating a cemetery, and permits are required.

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I am doing well. Getting teary over picking music and writing a eulogy, but otherwise good. Funeral planning and other busywork is very good for the living.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I have never been to an atheist funeral or even a secular one before. But my father died last night, and brother and I now have one to plan.

Bro and I are both atheist and my father though he was very actively Christian until his forties (went to seminary), has neither been to church nor discussed god in the last thirty-five years or so. He has adamantly refused pastoral visits of any kind during hospital stays. There will be no other relatives at the funeral beyond bro and my immediate families (also atheist) except Dad's ex-wife who is also a-religious, though not necessarily atheist. So we don't want god-talk intruding to the extent we can avoid it. But we aren't interesting in making this an anti-theist event either. This is a memorial and should feel welcoming to everyone who attends.

Our initial thoughts were to use a funeral home and have a short opening welcome and moment of silence. Then some music that Dad loved (60's folk or Simon and Garfunkel). Then a chance for several people who knew him well to speak about him a few minutes (we'll schedule those in advance). More music and a brief closing. All followed by a reception line leading straight to a buffet.

Does anyone have any experience, or just ideas about how to handle this?

Oh, Jen, I'm sorry for you.

The way you guys are approaching is pretty much how the most secular funeral I've attended was -- personal reminisces, music that we knew Warren loved, and heading back to his old home for the reception, where the mourning of his loss turned to a celebration of his life.

My sympathies to you and your family in this time of grief, ma'am.

[robvalue]

I'm glad to hear they are accomodating you well.

[c172]

Oddly, while you can scatter ashes just about anywhere on public or private (with permission) property, if you bury those same ashes, why then you are creating a cemetery, and permits are required.

Wow! That's exactly what I am having done as of my last update of my list wishes. I wonder what other states require (or even how to acqure said info). My ashes would be resting in Michigan. As I write this, I suppose it's moot if said resting place is indeed a cemetery.

[rexbeccarox]

I have nothing to add, except I'm truly sorry Jenny.

[Jenny A]

[Tonus]

He has adamantly refused pastoral visits of any kind during hospital stays.

B-b-but atheists and fox holes!

Sorry to hear of his passing. JWs usually just find a gathering place large enough for everyone and they have a congregation elder give the eulogy, and while religion is obviously part of the eulogy there are no specific outfits or religious ceremonies per se. I could see a secular funeral handled that way, in that the eulogy is given by a close friend/family member instead of a pastor or elder.

ETA:Looks like I checked in a bit late, sorry!

[zebo-the-fat]

Sorry for the late reply, I have been working away with no access to the interwebs.

May I pass on my sympathy to you and your family, I went to an atheist funeral a few years ago and it was one of the nicest funerals I have ever been to.
Jim was a musician who always played wearing distinctive red shoes, the coffin was brought into the crematorium with the shoes on top. Friends took turns telling stories about his life, some of his music was played and afterwards we went for drinks and food at his beloved cricket club. In the evening they set off fireworks because "Jim was a rocket man!"
The whole event was a celebration of a very full life.

[JuliaL]

With respect, and I hope you won't think me presumptuous, but it sounds like your Dad was a lot like mine. It may have to do with the engineering mind and an approach to life as a problem to be solved. Your description of your father's planning and teaching sounds so very familiar.

Oddly, while you can scatter ashes just about anywhere on public or private (with permission) property,

In a similar vein, and in admission which demands that I never reveal my true identity...
My folks were cremated and their ashes returned. These were (mostly) interred in a military cemetery. We children (don't tell Uncle, Dad's not all there) held back some of the supply for scattering. Because of their love of travel, we thought it would be amusing to scatter their ashes as widely as feasible.
My efforts include,

Combining their cremains in a spice shaker (labeled UBIK) and shaking samples into:
1) the carpet of a jetway at Heathrow so they could be tracked into aircraft going to places in the middle east and Africa where they hadn't gotten to.
2) various engine and luggage compartments of private aircraft at an EAA fly-in, Oshkosh Wisconsin.
3) out the window of the Amtrak Southwest Chief in each state traversed on a trip from Chicago to LA to visit a grandchild (oh, and his parents too.)
They are now in a truly mixed marriage and even more widely traveled.

[Mister Agenda]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jenny. What you describe sounds like it would be an excellent service and a fine tribute.