Thank You

[LastPoet]

You are trying. I see many similarities with addiction to anything. I can't speak on this matter, my juice once was heroin. It cooled me down, coke only worsened my temper and who knows what LSD did to me. Heroin worked fine, until I grown some sense and decide to stop it. Took me a few dozen tries, but this last try has been panning out for 15 years. I still have the desire in dreams. Why turn back now?

[emjay]

I'm sorry I didn't know about this either, Neim.

Well done for breaking your addiction loadsa hugs to you

[Longhorn]

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Yep, you'd be crazy to think that the things you know now are all the true things. You will learn new things, and you will look back on where you're at right now and scoff at your naiveté or hubris.

Same as before. You had people you trust giving you information that they deemed correct, and you trusted them. You cannot be faulted for that. What you can be, though, is congratulated for having broken free and used your brain to discover your own path, your own truth. You can be applauded for not being a mindless automaton, and you can be proud of the fact that you are doing the real work to undo the damage that others have done to you, all the while not treating yourself like a victim in the process.

So:

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Thanks, Mike. I guess it's not so much the church doctrine I feel bad about, though that too, but the horrible things I believed even after I left the church. But I'm not a psycho, at least not anymore, and I know I'd never do any of it. It could partially be my (albeit relatively very mild) ocd making me think I would, but it's not true.

Thanks

You are trying. I see many similarities with addiction to anything. I can't speak on this matter, my juice once was heroin. It cooled me down, coke only worsened my temper and who knows what LSD did to me. Heroin worked fine, until I grown some sense and decide to stop it. Took me a few dozen tries, but this last try has been panning out for 15 years. I still have the desire in dreams. Why turn back now?

It is like an addiction. I still want todo it, I just don't. I feel optimistic about this quitting business so far

I'm sorry I didn't know about this either, Neim.

Well done for breaking your addiction loadsa hugs to you

Thanks em hugs

[robvalue]

In my opinion, thoughts never hurt anyone, it's actions that count. We're rather powerless to stop thoughts of all descriptions entering our head. If I were punished for all the sick messed up stuff that had ever entered my brain, I'd be the world's most hated criminal. But like you I'm sure, I don't act on it.

We all look back at our previous selves and see things we feel embarresed about. Well, most of us. It's a sign of maturity and the desire to grow as a person. Some people have no such desire, and it's those people who I worry about.

[emjay]

@Neim

I'm afraid I don't know much about addictive self-harm. I've had my fair share of depression and suicidal feelings, and once did push a lit cigarette into my arm for which I still have the scar, but I don't know anything about self-harm as a long-term addiction. I would echo what Rob advised earlier in the thread, that if you've got low self-esteem or feelings of guilt/shame caused by the religious programming you received as a child, then try and destroy those beliefs by looking for objective evidence of them. I think it would work for me as well because I also have a lot of negative religious programming I have never undone, or even known how to. Here's hoping it works