Atheist with a Muslim girlfriend

[Minimalist]

Be happy she is just a girl friend.  We have people who run into similar problems with wives and it is a lot messier to get out of.

If she really goes off the deep end, leave.  Those people cannot help be moralizing pricks.  She'll make your life miserable.

Of course, she might have just been swayed by the moment.  Give her some time to get over the pressure.

Remember, islam is every bit as stupid as jesusism.

[robvalue]

Welcome to the forum

I'm very sorry to hear about the difficult times. Her parents exploiting her grief to peddle their bullshit is sickening.

I agree with the others, give it some time for things to cool down. She may realize she went over the top with it all with the combination of sadness and parental pressure. You can then see what the future could be like, and whether her parents really do have such a grip over her.

[Pyrrho]

I pretty well agree with what others have been saying, that you need to wait and see.  She may be placating her parents, or it may be a short-term lapse of sanity.  For either of those, you have to wait and see.  Be nice to her; there has recently been a death in the family.  But don't make any longterm plans with her until you see how this is going to turn out.

Your case reminds me of why I would never date anyone who is not an atheist.  I mean a strong atheist, not one of those wimpy weak atheists.  The last thing I want is to be emotionally connected to a person who has shit for brains.  I don't care if the person was raised Muslim, Christian, or whatever, but I would not ever date any woman who is not a complete atheist.  People's beliefs can wax and wane, so if they are just okay for the moment, that is not a good sign for them staying okay for the future.  Of course, they might, but your story is also showing how things can go bad.  Still, wait and see, and then decide what to do.

I held out for a nice atheist woman, and have been happily married for over 20 years.  If I were ever in a position in which I was dating again, I would again hold out for a nice atheist woman.  I would much rather be alone than to have to deal with someone with shit for brains.  How you live your life, of course, is for you to decide.

But I recommend that you be patient and see how things go, since you are already involved with her.

[Mermaid]

Another thought: When I have lost people I love, I recall wishing I had religion, it's a comfort at times like that. A sort of security blanket to help to ease the pain. I felt sort of left out in the cold without it. If she is at all on the fence, it's pretty normal to seek refuge in your God of choice. This may pass.

Again, it's important that you do not make this about you. Let her grieve in the way she needs to, or she could resent you forever.

[Regina]

She's in a vulnerable place at the moment, it's probably just a phase. People do odd things when they're griving, my strict Catholic Nan "fell out with Jesus" when my Dad died, I was shocked.

She's grown. If her parents aren't exactly threatening her then she's old enough to stand up for herself. It sounds like she's done just that thus far, so I can't imagine she's going to stop doing that just because she lost an aunt.

I don't know exactly how radical her parents are or if they're potentially violent, but I'd have found it so hard not to check them for bullying her like that while grieving. Of course I understand why you didn't, you probably don't want the conflict or, heaven forbid, "Islamophobic" thrown at you.

[paulpablo]

Every individual is different so other people might have been in a situation like yours (being an atheist with a Muslim girlfriend) but the overall circumstances would very very likely be different.  No one else on this forum has experience of your girlfriend and her parents.

When I had a Muslim girlfriend it was mainly based on sex, the sex was so good that it always distracted any thought of me debating her about religion. I'd avoid the topic really, I didn't see it as important.

It was pretty ridiculous really, she would smoke and drink have sex, but then tell me I should watch a documentary on Muhammad.

She asked me would I pretend to convert to Islam to marry her and I said yeh I would. 

If you two are alone together then why not read the quran together?  Nothing better to put someone off a religion then to actually find out what the religion is about.

It's a book full of local idiomatic expressions that don't even make sense when taken literally and mainly involves the politics and wars of some local tribes in ancient times.  It's LAUGHABLE that it's taken seriously as a world wide message to everyone from god.

[I_am_not_mafia]

Have you considered the possibility that she was just placating her grieving parents by agreeing to put on a show of faith, for their behalf?

Especially as the parents themselves will be reminded of their own mortality with the aunt, their sister dying and will be thinking that they don't have too much time left themselves. They'll be putting pressure on the daughter because they want comfort themselves and so the daughter may be wanting to give them that comfort.

[Aoi Magi]

Don't worry, if she truly didn't believe in her religion, she'll come around when the grieving period ends. Just be sure to not add to hr pressure right now and give her the time and support she needs.

[MTL]

Hi everybody. So I'm completely new here. I'd like to start off by apologising for jumping straight into asking a question before properly introducing myself or contributing to any other discussion.
However, I am facing quite a difficult recently developed situation and need as much help as I can get. 

So me and my girlfriend has been in a relationship for 2,5 years now. We met on the Internet so we were long distance for a long time. But 6 months ago I decided to move and it was the best decision of my life. My girlfriend, who used to be more of a cultural Muslim, a deistic non practicing Muslim I suppose would be the best description. While I'm an atheist. 
Ive never really had much of a problem with her beliefs at all since they were extremely minuscule. 
Her parents has tried countless of times to push her to become more invested in "her" religion. Start praying, listen to God, confess your sins, follow the quran and all of that good stuff, mind the sarcasm. 
However yesterday her auntie died completely out of nowhere. So when she was grieving, we went to her parents house. Whiles she was extremely vulnerable, her parents decided to start talking to her and convincing her to do all of the things previously mentioned. 
She completely broke down crying apologising for not following the teachings and promising her dad to start investing in Islam. I was in another room overhearing this which made me feel disgusted with her parents, but also it kind of broke my heart hearing her give in to their bullying. She's now decided to start reading the quran, praying and so on. 

Which is where my problem comes in. Because now I know that they can manipulate her into following "her" religion. Before the thought of getting married to her without me having to convert didn't seem like a big issue, since she said herself that she wouldn't let her parents decide on who she could and couldn't marry. Now that I know they can manipulate her, I'm not so sure anymore. Its not just about her religion, I'm worried about compatability now as well. Atheism and deism is one thing, there's not much of a conflict there. Islam is a different story though. 

Does anyone have any experience of anything like this? Are there any other implications? Perhaps I'm overreacting? 

Any input would be greatly appreciated

I know what I would do.
But you're the only one in your particular situation.

The trick is learning to ask yourself the right questions,
and then be very honest with yourself about your answers.

Otherwise you will end up resenting her in the long run.

consider what areas of your life you are willing to bend on,
and which areas you are not willing to bend on.

In my experience,
there is a big difference between "arriving at a compromise" versus "compromising yourself".

And she will need to do the same.

[MTL]

I really can't express how much I appreciate all of your inputs. Can't imagine I would've gotten this level of quality if I had gone to yahoo answers.

oh god "yahoo" and "quality" do not belong in the same sentence.

good for cute animal vids and little else.

I will use yahoo only when desperate, and always wash afterwards.