Struggling with Catholic Partner

[Satch]

The kids thing is a big concern.

My son is 10 and her son is 5.

In the past 6 months my 10 year old son has been introduced to the words 'f**k, S**t, F*rt' and been kicked and punched by a 5 year old instead of 'hello & thank you' during the few visits.

It drives me bonkers as my partner is a teacher - but thinks this is normal - and doesn't accept this is an issue.

Should I be seeking advice from a parenting site to save our relationship? Or should I walk away?

[Edwardo Piet]

Wow that sounds tough. This is why I changed my mind about being open to dating theists... even when things are otherwise going well and they're a truly lovely person it can cause issues!

I have no advice to offer but I do sympathize and I hope whatever happens and however it ends you are able to be happy

[Faith No More]

The kids thing is a big concern.

My son is 10 and her son is 5.

In the past 6 months my 10 year old son has been introduced to the words 'f**k, S**t, F*rt' and been kicked and punched by a 5 year old instead of 'hello & thank you' during the few visits.

It drives me bonkers as my partner is a teacher - but thinks this is normal - and doesn't accept this is an issue.

Should I be seeking advice from a parenting site to save our relationship? Or should I walk away?

How hard is he kicking in punching? Is he just playing Power Rangers or is he trying to be a bully? A little context might help.

[downbeatplumb]

Hi All,

I'm a newbie here and signed up today as I'm seeking advice from anyone who may be (or may have been) in a similar situation to me.

I'm a 41 year old single Dad in Australia and 6 months ago I fell in love with a 40 year old single Mum. It's been a whirlwind honeymoon period for the both of us since then and we love each other heaps and both feel that things feel just right, but recently, a recurring topic keeps creeping into our conversations that we can't seem to get past. - Religion - When religion makes it into the conversation, I can't seem to (and don't want to) back down on my personal view that religion is a myth and I find myself in a 'Richard Dawkins' mode where I'm trying to disprove religion - but the response is always the same. "you are disrespecting me and my views" - and so the conversation ends with a stalemate and not a happy ending.

My partner is Catholic and is very involved in her big Catholic family and associated religious gatherings and is also a teacher in an elite Catholic school here in Sydney.

I am quite the opposite. I'm from a small family, non-religious, quite passionate about science and enjoy a robust debate and question the status quo. 

I've met some of the family who are great but I've been told by my partner that some will be quite dismissive due to my lack of faith.

I'm now questioning the future of our relationship as although I'm not intent on disproving religion, and have never had an issue with anyone who has religious beliefs, there are so many increasing references to religion that I am exposed to in our daily relationship and conversation that I find it hard to 'bite my tongue' and not voice my own views.

We have so much in common except our views on religion and aside from pretending that our views are not important - or don't exist - I can't see how we can get passed this important basis and foundation of our moral views.

I'd be very grateful for any advice or shared experiences from anyone reading this. I'm clutching at straws a little bit by signing up for this forum but I don't know how to try and resolve this.

Thanks
Paul

My wife is a spiritualist and psychic medium, we survive as a couple by respecting that we will never see eye to eye on this one aspect of reality and rarely discuss it anymore having talked about it endlessly for a while. At the end of the day I don't believe what she does but ultimately it doesn't matter.

[robvalue]

The kids thing is a big concern.

My son is 10 and her son is 5.

In the past 6 months my 10 year old son has been introduced to the words 'f**k, S**t, F*rt' and been kicked and punched by a 5 year old instead of 'hello & thank you' during the few visits.

It drives me bonkers as my partner is a teacher - but thinks this is normal - and doesn't accept this is an issue.

Should I be seeking advice from a parenting site to save our relationship? Or should I walk away?

Hmm, that's difficult. I'd be worried if she's fine with him just hitting people. But it's hard to tell without more info as to how serious it is.

[Minimalist]

"you are disrespecting me and my views"

She's exactly right.  That is how they feel.  In fact, your very existence as an atheist is threatening to them because it is proof staring them right in the face that not everyone needs their bullshit to get through life.  They HATE that.

No matter how great everything else is, remember the sub title of Hitchens' book:  "How Religion Poisons Everything."

Only you can decide if it is worth it to you to pursue.  But it does not sound as if you will change her.

[Whateverist]

The kids thing is a big concern.

My son is 10 and her son is 5.

In the past 6 months my 10 year old son has been introduced to the words 'f**k, S**t, F*rt' and been kicked and punched by a 5 year old instead of 'hello & thank you' during the few visits.

It drives me bonkers as my partner is a teacher - but thinks this is normal - and doesn't accept this is an issue.

Should I be seeking advice from a parenting site to save our relationship? Or should I walk away?

Hmm, that's difficult. I'd be worried if she's fine with him just hitting people. But it's hard to tell without more info as to how serious it is.

Maybe it's because he is an atheist.

[Exian]

The kids thing is a big concern.

My son is 10 and her son is 5.

In the past 6 months my 10 year old son has been introduced to the words 'f**k, S**t, F*rt' and been kicked and punched by a 5 year old instead of 'hello & thank you' during the few visits.

It drives me bonkers as my partner is a teacher - but thinks this is normal - and doesn't accept this is an issue.

Should I be seeking advice from a parenting site to save our relationship? Or should I walk away?

I have an only child who is 10yo, and my sister recently moved in with me for a while and she has an 11, 8, and 6 year old. They grew up together pounding each other in the head. Depending on their mood, they'll laugh it off or cry; usually depending on whether or not they want the other one in trouble. My daughter never grew up with anything like that, so it's a shock to her (and me a little). So the "it's normal" thing is a little true, but it's perspective, I guess.

But yeah, I wouldn't call that a conflict born out of a difference of views on god. That's common. That's also one of the bigger reasons why I've stayed single after our split. I don't really have it in me to cram a completely different way of life into ours, but I'm envious of people like you who aren't afraid to give it a shot.

It seems like you like this woman a lot and I think that should heavily factor into your decision. If you think this could be a good thing for you, do whatever you think will help. And remember kids grow up fast and go through a shit ton of phases. Yours is about to go through some big changes and hers is still very young and impressionable. Who knows how they'll treat each other in half a year or so?

F*rt is either "fart" or you Australians have been holding out on me on some new cuss words.

[ignoramus]

Hi matey, Jim here from Melbourne.

If it's that important to her, why does she make a issue of it now?
If it's that important to her, why wasn't that one of the first questions to come out of her mouth?

Dunno man, these religitards can be an inconvenience, even in Australia.
Up to you how much bullshit you want to put up with.
Me personally, it means nothing, sure I can go to church and smile and go along with the bullshit.
It's not any kind of threat, just an inconvenience.
My biggest fear is it won't work out due to her uncompromising beliefs.
Talk that bit over. Ask her if she is prepared to love a man who's living a lie for her sake.
If she's happy with that, then maybe she's a cafe catholic and it may work.

[Athene]

Good point about the kids. That's something you can never come back from, and it's full of danger at every turn. I would highly recommend not having kids with a theist unless you're really sure they're not going to indoctrinate them. I can't imagine how horrific it must be to see your own children having their brains rotted.

There's a good chance indoctrination of future kids won't take, at least not permanently. My mother was a fundamentalist, but my father was an atheist. He wasn't militant or even vocal about it. He was just a coolly rational, extremely logical person. He also didn't care for emotional confrontations, so he didn't put up much resistance to my mother's insistence that we kids know the Lord. 

Something must have stuck, though. He likely affected me somehow, through quiet influence.