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Current time: February 11, 2025, 7:22 am
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How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
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I set something in motion. I can't name the exact moment or thought that made this happen. I started something that I can't stop. And every time I pause feels like the end but this train is speeding me towards things I didn't expect.
Bottom line: I have never been more alive or more myself. It's a bumpy ride, but the anxieties that come with it are infinitely preferable to going back to that empty place. 
Physically a bit wobbly after swimming an indeterminate number of laps. Coming out of the pool is always a bit rough: When you take away the buoyancy of the water and start feeling the full force of gravity again, it's like suddenly gaining 50 pounds in each leg.
Jesster
Your friendly neighborhood heathen  Religious Views: I am the creator goddess. Prove me wrong. ![[Image: nZMGBDN.gif]](https://i.imgur.com/nZMGBDN.gif)
I don't believe you. Get over it.
This dark, heavy thing seems to be gone from my chest. I feel good. I'm headed towards freedom.
I haven't even got the job to where I need to book plane tickets yet, and my fear of flying is already kicking in. This is bad...
I need some professional help I think 
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane" - sarcasm_only
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie  (April 12, 2017 at 12:13 am)Regina Wrote: I haven't even got the job to where I need to book plane tickets yet, and my fear of flying is already kicking in. This is bad... Have you had counselling for anything like this in the past? If you don't want to talk to a professional, do you have someone close that you can talk to? Can someone book the tickets for you and accompany you on the flight? Wish I was there to give some moral support. 
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: How's Everyone Feeling Right Meow?
April 12, 2017 at 2:17 am
(This post was last modified: April 12, 2017 at 2:18 am by Regina.)
(April 12, 2017 at 12:24 am)The Valkyrie Wrote:No, this is something that's come on quite recently since I had a particularly choppy flight over The Alps about 18 months ago. I never realised how bad it had shook me up until I flew again last October, and now my nerves are even worse.(April 12, 2017 at 12:13 am)Regina Wrote: I haven't even got the job to where I need to book plane tickets yet, and my fear of flying is already kicking in. This is bad... I'm ending up like my Dad The reason he never took us back to see Malta as kids was because he couldn't handle flying.And probably not, because this isn't just a short cheap flight, if I get the job it's off to South America for 6 months. I think I'm going to need some hypnotherapy and a Xanax haha
"Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the road, and then getting hit by an airplane" - sarcasm_only
"Ironically like the nativist far-Right, which despises multiculturalism, but benefits from its ideas of difference to scapegoat the other and to promote its own white identity politics; these postmodernists, leftists, feminists and liberals also use multiculturalism, to side with the oppressor, by demanding respect and tolerance for oppression characterised as 'difference', no matter how intolerable." - Maryam Namazie 
Spent most of the day in some combination of panic attack and depressive episode, which was... interesting. Every muscle right down to my toes was clenched with tension, but I couldn't move.
According to the diagnostic reports I have now, I have a psychiatric disability. A mental illness so long-lasting and severe that my doctors all suggest I quit work entirely, file for disability support, and focus on treatment for at least the next few years. That's what I'm doing, and since filling out the applications puts me into such a tailspin that I end up paralyzed with ennui and anxiety, I tend to agree. Well, at least now when I have bad days like today, I know what to call it, and I don't end up just blaming myself. That's a plus.
"YOU take the hard look in the mirror. You are everything that is wrong with this world. The only thing important to you, is you." - ronedee
Want to see more of my writing? Check out my (safe for work!) site, Unprotected Sects! (April 12, 2017 at 3:30 pm)Esquilax Wrote: Spent most of the day in some combination of panic attack and depressive episode, which was... interesting. Every muscle right down to my toes was clenched with tension, but I couldn't move. Big hugs.  The first step is usually the hardest in these things. Once the journey has started it will get easier. Just keep your eyes on the goal and take one step at a time. Take care and if you need someone to talk to, let me know. (And I just went back and read what I wrote. How many clichés can I use in one paragraph?) Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" |
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