My pathetic whining about how I want a relationship

[Redbeard The Pink]

I wish there was something I could do that I would enjoy. I just don't want to do something where I get mixed up with a bunch of people outside my age group. It fucking sucked when I signed up for a drawing class at my local art center, it was all old people. I quit within like one day. I have been trying to find something that I would enjoy doing for such a long time, I don't know what I could possibly do that I would enjoy myself in. I hate standing around alone at concerts, I fucking despise being at school, there just doesn't seem to be a way to communicate with anyone. It pisses me off how in our culture, nothing is really expected of you to have meaningful relations with those who live around you. It's so lonely. My parents pay for an apartment for me, I dread the prospect of going back to school because it's fucking torture in there, I also hate the prospect of getting a job because I would still be unhappy.

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Oh, and bring friends with you, especially if you're going to keep trying bars and concerts. People seem more socially capable if they're in a group with other people.

I don't even know a single person's phone number in my area. That's not an option.

Ah. I see.


In that case, you need to learn how to enjoy things, and you need to learn to make friends. Not being able to do either is going to totally fuck you.


This thing you enjoy doesn't have to be, like, your life's calling...just something you like to go do sometimes. It could even be several things if no one thing works. I'm a bit of a Renaissance Man, myself, so I tend to engage in lots of different activities because I enjoy doing lots of different things.


Honestly, I'm not sure what to tell you at this point that won't just give you license to plunge into further despair. People have made plenty of suggestions, and your response seems to generally be "But I can't DO any of that stuff! I just CAN'T! I just hate all humans, and I hate everything they do socially, and I hate every activity I try."


If it's that bad, relationships should be the last thing on your mind, and establishing some kind of quality of life should be your first priority.

[Edwardo Piet]

@ OP

I felt exactly the same until I had my first and only one that lasted a year and four months.

I was so desperate and depressed about not having one.

But I really wish I hadn't had that relationship now... I'd rather still be single and a virgin than having had what I've been through in the one I had.

[DespondentFishdeathMasochismo]

Establishing some kind of quality of life?! LOL! I guess if my happiness relies on friendship, or the lack thereof. I'm not really feeling any closer to a conclusion of what I can try. If I knew some way that I could get involved and make some friends, then I would be happy to try it. I just don't feel like there's really a good way to do that, I don't know what I could possibly do in my area that would bring me closer to others. I try to get out of the house, it just doesn't work. Yes, I am very depressed about that, it's the absolute bane of my existence, that I don't get to experience a fun life, like so many other people do. It's gotten to the point that when people talk about having fun, I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up and respect that fact that I never have any. Of course that leads to people saying "okay well then go away and don't talk around here anymore", but i'm getting frustrated just talking about it right now. I'm just going to listen to vocaloid and just try to remain cool.

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@ OP

I felt exactly the same until I had my first and only one that lasted a year and four months.

I was so desperate and depressed about not having one.

But I really wish I hadn't had that relationship now... I'd rather still be single and a virgin than having had what I've been through in the one I had.

I think pink hat and I have established that making friends would be a more important pursuit anyways.

[Redbeard The Pink]

Establishing some kind of quality of life?! LOL! I guess if my happiness relies on friendship, or the lack thereof. I'm not really feeling any closer to a conclusion of what I can try. If I knew some way that I could get involved and make some friends, then I would be happy to try it. I just don't feel like there's really a good way to do that, I don't know what I could possibly do in my area that would bring me closer to others. I try to get out of the house, it just doesn't work. Yes, I am very depressed about that, it's the absolute bane of my existence, that I don't get to experience a fun life, like so many other people do. It's gotten to the point that when people talk about having fun, I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up and respect that fact that I never have any. Of course that leads to people saying "okay well then go away and don't talk around here anymore", but i'm getting frustrated just talking about it right now. I'm just going to listen to vocaloid and just try to remain cool.

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@ OP

I felt exactly the same until I had my first and only one that lasted a year and four months.

I was so desperate and depressed about not having one.

But I really wish I hadn't had that relationship now... I'd rather still be single and a virgin than having had what I've been through in the one I had.

I think pink hat and I have established that making friends would be a more important pursuit anyways.

Really you should start with learning how to be happy about anything at all, ever. Not sure what to tell you about how to do that, except get some therapy, but I'm sure the next thing I see will be some tirade about how all therapy sucks and nobody understands you.

[Redbeard The Pink]

What do you like to do in your real life, other than brooding? play games? music? fitness? anything?

I like to listen to music and argue about music on 4chan's music board a lot. That's probably the thing I've done most in my whole life tbh. I'm also really obsessive about healthy eating. I play video games a little bit, I also play guitar. I've been playing instruments from a young age.

Ok, this stuff. This stuff right here. Find reasons to do this stuff around other people until you're comfortable doing them around other people, then find ways to talk to people while doing this stuff.


Also, if you can play an instrument, join a band and/or find some other way of indicating that to people. Sit around school playing guitar between classes or something. Musicians are sexy to literally everyone who isn't lying.


Being obsessed with healthy eating is probably also a conversation-starter, believe it or not. Health nuts tend to stick together for solidarity, so even just that right there puts you in a group with social opportunities.

[Cato]

You act like I have this problem with talking to people, I never even fucking talk to people in the first place.

This is the problem you must overcome. All relationships are built on communication. You may find it easier on the internet because you are shielded from input in the form of body language, facial expression, tone, etc.

Is there any chance that your inability to strike up conversation is born from a fear of rejection? Mine was. I had an epiphany when I was a junior in high school. Until then, my fear of rejection was almost crippling. Until then I had to have some sort of assurance that the other party was interested. Keep in mind that I'm not strictly speaking of romantic relationships, but rather all relationships. A few things changed: 1. I became comfortable in my own skin and gave up the overwhelming desire to please everyone. 2. I realized that I didn't like everyone so it was unrealistic to expect everyone to like me. With billions of people in the world, not every encounter was important knowing that there are plenty of others. 3. Understanding this, I quit forcing the idea of relationships. Relationships should develop naturally and often blossom from chance encounters.

#3 above significantly changed my expectations. I vividly recall several instances when I was in the Navy and single that shipmates of mine were despondent because they didn't get laid that night. My upbeat mood after a good night out was always challenged. I was happy if I could get someone to dance with me and perhaps enjoy some conversation. A couple of those interactions resulted in future dates, but a vast majority didn't. The same goes for male friendships. Keep in mind that I may have had to endure nine rejections for each time someone was willing to engage me, but it no longer bothered me. I was able to let go of the rejection and cherish the interactions that went well.

As with anything, practice makes perfect (keeping with Quantum's new fetish of speaking in cliche). There's no doubt that you will likely continue to be uncomfortable chatting up strangers (male and female). I assure you, this unease will pass the more you get engaged.

[robvalue]

I was thinking the same thing as Redbeard, therapy may be useful. There's nothing wrong with asking for help; you've already done so here.

[DespondentFishdeathMasochismo]

I was thinking the same thing, therapy may be useful. There's nothing wrong with asking for help; you've already done so here.

I've been seeing one two times a week an hour at a time for the past year. It's really the only person I talk to besides the people I talk to online.

[robvalue]

Ah, OK

Have you talked about these specific concerns with them?

[DespondentFishdeathMasochismo]

I like to listen to music and argue about music on 4chan's music board a lot. That's probably the thing I've done most in my whole life tbh. I'm also really obsessive about healthy eating. I play video games a little bit, I also play guitar. I've been playing instruments from a young age.

Ok, this stuff. This stuff right here. Find reasons to do this stuff around other people until you're comfortable doing them around other people, then find ways to talk to people while doing this stuff.


Also, if you can play an instrument, join a band and/or find some other way of indicating that to people. Sit around school playing guitar between classes or something. Musicians are sexy to literally everyone who isn't lying.


Being obsessed with healthy eating is probably also a conversation-starter, believe it or not. Health nuts tend to stick together for solidarity, so even just that right there puts you in a group with social opportunities.

I'm not in school. To be honest I hate college. I got mostly Ds in high school, so no college will allow me to either be A) a non degree seeking student without access to the dorms B) one of those horrible community colleges where everyone commutes to, where no one actually becomes friends. It's pretty much the only thing I want, is to go to some sort of dormitory or something. All I want is to have some fun like right fucking now, I don't give a single flying fuck about my stupid future. Life is horrible misery, I don't want it to be the same down the road, but with everyone in my age range old an unattractive. I'm 21, this is the only time of my life where the people around my age will be attractive. Once I'm too old for anyone to be attractive, there will be no point in wanting to have non platonic relationships anymore anyways. I tried going to college 3 times, all I ever did was become so uncomfortable, people would avoid me and I would sit around every day, thinking of ways I would inflict pain on them.

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Ah, OK

Have you talked about these specific concerns with them?

I've talked to about 4 of these people in the past couple years. The one I currently have seems to be the most intelligent. She doesn't really have any ideas of what I can do to meet people.