Happy thought about Jesus.

[Cecelia]

I often wonder what Mary and Joseph got Jesus for Christmas

They didn't celebrate Christmas. 

...They were jews.  I bet whatever they got him for his birthday though had to be better than whatever his dad got him.  I wonder how those arguments went.  "Carpentry lessons?  Really?  You know I can't stand nails."  "Well it's better than what your father got you."  "Being my own father, I couldn't get myself something for my birthday exactly, now could?  I swear to me you're the worst!  I should have chosen the woman across the street to give birth to me. SHE got her son a new hand cart for his birthday."

[Heat]

Jesus is the best friend I will never meet. His brother Christ ruined my chances when he came to my dinner table, and refused a glass of wine as he pricked his blood and drained it in to a glass, and then offered it to us. When we told him "No thanks" as it was a rather disgusting offer, we asked him if he wanted some bread, he swiftly rejected, and lifting up his shirt he asked us if we'd like to gnaw on his body instead. We never saw him again, I was only 6 at the time, and only now realize why.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

[God of Mr. Hanky]

He is fiction!

[Wyrd of Gawd]

The reason why the fairy tale has the wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus is to provide an example of the Fourth Commandment found in Exodus 34:20 (TLB) = 
"20 The firstborn colt of a donkey may be redeemed by giving a lamb in its place. If you decide not to redeem it, then its neck must be broken. But your sons must all be redeemed. And no one shall appear before me without a gift."

It shows that the wise men recognized baby Jesus as "God".  That sets the stage for the rest of the story.

All of this and for what. What's the fucking point, I don't get it. Someone somewhere must've known it's all bullshit when they thought this stuff up.

Of course the con men knew that it was all BS since they started it.  But the local dummies were clueless and believed all of it.  If a group believes in a common religious fairy tale it's generally more stable and cohesive than groups that don't have such fairy tales.  People in prisons would be more docile if they all believed in the same fairy tale.   

Zombie movies are the perfect illustration of this.  They are really religious movies.  You can have a herd of a million zombies and they are perfectly peaceful toward one another.  But as soon as they see a non-zombie they go wild and want to tear him apart and eat him.  If there's two separate groups of humans around the zombies the humans will spend more effort trying to kill each other than they will spend fighting the zombies.  That's because the humans don't share the same values whereas the zombies do.  So when you look at it like that maybe that's the real point about zombie Jesus.  If everyone was a zombie like Jesus all conflict would cease.

[Cyberman]

Jesus is the best friend I will never meet. His brother Christ ruined my chances when he came to my dinner table, and refused a glass of wine as he pricked his blood and drained it in to a glass, and then offered it to us. When we told him "No thanks" as it was a rather disgusting offer, we asked him if he wanted some bread, he swiftly rejected, and lifting up his shirt he asked us if we'd like to gnaw on his body instead. We never saw him again, I was only 6 at the time, and only now realize why.

Someone really ought to make a movie out of that. Christmas with the Christs.

[ignoramus]

or (meet the f*ckers)

[Cyberman]

Or Meet the Feebles.

[robvalue]

God killing himself seems to have worked more permanently than he planned.

[Cyberman]

Yep. If the sanctimonious cunt ever existed, he did the world a favour by staying dead.