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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 6:59 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 6:56 pm)Excited Penguin Wrote: I no longer write poetry. I don't have as much of a handle on the English language as I used to, to begin with. Maybe I'll write something after taking up reading literature again.
Fine, when you do post it, unlike you, the worst you might get from me would be "not my thing, maybe others might like it". But I never do that in any case. I only tell people when I like something. If I don't like something I accept that it is my own personal taste.
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 7:04 pm
pool, any chance we could see the poem you wrote? 
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 7:13 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 1:58 am)pool the great Wrote:
The poem's not too bad. It came very close to evoking an emotional response from me as I read it, but it got a bit choppy. I think Homeless Nutter may have been on the right track regarding the repetitious use of "heart" within the text of the poem.
If the poem were mine, I would consider seeing the use of metaphors through to the end in those lines, by simply expounding upon them a bit; If you use clear and complete metaphors, you won't have to rely on the use of simple/common sounding words (such as heart) that actually have a significant meaning.
It definitely has potential, IMO.
Thanks for posting it. 
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 7:43 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 6:14 pm)Thena323 Wrote: (February 15, 2016 at 4:21 pm)alpha male Wrote: There once was a writer named pool
Whose poetry stunk like a stool
As he struggled with verse
He cried with a curse
Fuck! Why am I such a tool?
Hateful little fucker, aren't you?
Seriously, Bro...do you even Christian?
Being good is its own reward. Being bad requires a bible.
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 9:40 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 6:14 pm)Thena323 Wrote: Hateful little fucker, aren't you?
Transparent hypocrite, aren't you? 
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 10:40 pm
(This post was last modified: February 15, 2016 at 10:42 pm by Athene.)
(February 15, 2016 at 9:40 pm)alpha male Wrote: Transparent hypocrite, aren't you?
Whoa ho, ho...*gasp*.....Good one.
Nice burn, buddy.
What can I say? You GOT me!
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 10:46 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 4:21 pm)alpha male Wrote: There once was a writer named pool
Whose poetry stunk like a stool
As he struggled with verse
He cried with a curse
Fuck! Why am I such a tool?
English is my third language...actually english would be my fourth language if you consider Tamil. I'm not exactly a writer, this is more of a hobby..
I feel good that i posted my work here because up until now everyone praised my work(proper english is hard to come across let alone english poetry where i live) but now i know my work wasn't as great as i had thought,now i know its flaws and now i have the opportunity to improve my work.
Thank you all. <3
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 16, 2016 at 7:07 am
(This post was last modified: February 16, 2016 at 7:10 am by Brian37.)
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 16, 2016 at 7:29 am
Here is one I wrote about the pope.
Piety, by Brian37.(AKA Brian James Rational Poet on FB and @Brianrrs37 on twitter)
Oh grand Phallus
You live
In a palace
Wearing your phony crown
But atoms and quarks
Defy your remarks
For in the end
We lose all sound
The sun will expand
Making coal of the land
And with it too
The myth you spew
Impressed not the least
With your strut
Impoverished player
Reality guts
In gaps you fill
With magical spells
Wane through generations
Morphing into newer fables
Beseeching is reason
You can't hold hostage
Free from your shackles
My mind grasps knowledge
(end)
Post #12 hosted here http://www.rationalresponders.com/forum/31771 at my home thread.
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RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 16, 2016 at 7:45 am
(February 15, 2016 at 5:07 am)pool the great Wrote: (February 15, 2016 at 4:53 am)Exian Wrote: Haha I feel bad now. Maybe I'll balls up and share one.
Please please please do
Yeah, I feel bad for being a dick, so here's a terrible song I wrote (and always hated) about a real short fling I had with a lady. I wrote it because I was a little confused about why I would feel as sad as I did when we ended it before anything could really develop. I don't think I captured the feeling at all. And it's a little corny to boot.
Puke.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:
"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."
For context, this is the previous verse:
"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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