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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Off Topic v
So I wrote a poem..

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So I wrote a poem..
ErGingerbreadMandude Offline
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#1
So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 1:58 am
You were an enigma to me once.

But now you have carved your face in my heart

Your face eternal you evoke my long hidden emotions.

Without you I experience a drought in my heart.

Without you a meaninglessness to my heart,to my life,to my
long hidden emotions.

You are the heroin of my life.

You are the one who I've been waiting for.

For your presence makes my heart skips a beat.

Your heart illegible to my mind.

Your smile as though the moon.

Your gaze confuse my rhythmic heart beat for your love

Your eyes reincarnate my heart in your engaging soul 

You are my only and true love.

For we are the only and truly soul mates.
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Exian Offline
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#2
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 4:40 am
I'm glad the Internet wasn't around when I was in love
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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Excited Penguin Offline
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#3
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 4:42 am
Very, very bad poem.
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Alex K Offline
Ich fühle Luft von anderem Planeten
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#4
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 4:48 am
(February 15, 2016 at 4:40 am)Exian Wrote: I'm glad the Internet wasn't around when I was in love

Haha, Maybe next time Smile
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition

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Exian Offline
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#5
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 4:53 am
Haha I feel bad now. Maybe I'll balls up and share one.
I can't remember where this verse is from, I think it got removed from canon:

"I don't hang around with mostly men because I'm gay. It's because men are better than women. Better trained, better equipped...better. Just better! I'm not gay."

For context, this is the previous verse:

"Hi Jesus" -robvalue
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Reply
ErGingerbreadMandude Offline
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#6
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 5:07 am
(February 15, 2016 at 4:53 am)Exian Wrote: Haha I feel bad now. Maybe I'll balls up and share one.

Please please please do
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ErGingerbreadMandude Offline
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#7
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 5:09 am
(February 15, 2016 at 4:42 am)Excited Penguin Wrote: Very, very bad poem.

Smile
Do you have any suggestions?
For what it's worth i wrote this one 3 years ago..
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ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
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#8
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 6:59 am
I'd love to see some more!
Are you here all week?
Is the veal any good!


cheers...j/k pooley! It was average ...sort of...you're in primary school, right?
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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Homeless Nutter Offline
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#9
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 7:37 am (This post was last modified: February 15, 2016 at 7:38 am by Homeless Nutter.)
(February 15, 2016 at 5:09 am)pool the great Wrote: [...]
Do you have any suggestions?
[...]

Hmmm... Try using the word "heart" more... Tongue


(February 15, 2016 at 1:58 am)pool the great Wrote: You were an enigma to me once.

But now you have carved your face in my heart

Your face eternal you evoke my long hidden emotions.

Without you I experience a drought in my heart.

Without you a meaninglessness to my heart,to my life,to my
long hidden emotions.

You are the heroin of my life.

You are the one who I've been waiting for.

For your presence makes my heart skips a beat.

Your heart illegible to my mind.

Your smile as though the moon.

Your gaze confuse my rhythmic heart beat for your love

Your eyes reincarnate my heart in your engaging soul

You are my only and true love.

For we are the only and truly soul mates.


Also - try rhyming. Bad poetry, that rhymes is often amusing. As in:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'd like to stick
My penis in you.
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
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Brian37 Offline
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#10
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 8:02 am (This post was last modified: February 15, 2016 at 8:03 am by Brian37.)
(February 15, 2016 at 4:42 am)Excited Penguin Wrote: Very, very bad poem.

The good thing about art is it is personal and nobody has to give one fuck about critics. You don't like it only means you don't like it.

I have been writing poetry for 20 plus years and long before there was modern internet, I was a member of a local poetry group. Having been literally face to face with groups ranging from 15 to 35 people each monthly meeting, I can tell you, ultimately you cant tell what people like.

Now out of my 700 and growing poems, I will admit not all of them are great, but the thing about writing is you keep doing it, and you will get some that strike a cord. I really cannot stand critics.

My advice to the OP, is don't listen to critics. You will write junk and you will write good stuff people don't like. My attitude is ignore the noise, keep doing it. I treat my writing like photography, I don't worry about the volume, I just keep doing it and some of them will be hits.

It is up to you what you like, do read others and dont be afraid to be your own critic, but also don't let other's baggage be yours. Your life is too damned short to let people whom aren't paying your bills to get to you.  Poetry certainly is not a business you can get rich off of. But it is your own therapy.
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Off Topic v
So I wrote a poem..

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