Boundaries (or 'My Latest Exercise in Anger Management')

[Banjo]

As you lot may or may not be aware, I lost an eye at 17.  Because of associated damage to the orbital socket, glassies are not an option, so I wear an eyepatch.

Ellen and I were out for our usual Sunday breakfast a couple of hours ago.  A man approaches our table, very politely says, 'Sorry to interrupt your meal, but may I take a moment of your time?'  The missus and I are naturally gregarious people, so we invited him to sit, which is when it all went pear-shaped.

He sat down, and without further ado, hands me his card and says, 'I'm an ophthalmic surgeon, and I've like to have a look under that patch,' then reaches out as if he's going to remove my eyepatch!  I leaned back, he pulled his hand back and said, 'What's wrong?  I told you that I'm a doctor.'  I told him, 'You're not my doctor, are you? Who the hell do you think you are?'

He looked seriously nonplussed and said, 'I don't understand.  Won't take a minute,' and I replied, 'Let me help you understand.  Your asking is inappropriate, unprofessional, and it would be in your best interests to go back to your own table right away.' He got up and walked away muttering something I couldn't quite catch, but sounded a lot like 'rude bugger'. Please note that I wasn't going to hit him, never really thought about hitting him (but since, I've had visions of how he'd look with my coffee mug smashed across the bridge of his nose).  Through all this, Ellen was sitting with her mouth open, too shocked to speak - which is very unusual for her. I've still got this man's card, and I'll be reporting him to the HDC tomorrow.

I don't think I'm overly sensitive about my missing eye, I truly don't.  Occasionally, people will ask me about the injury and I'll tell them.  But this man went way beyond the pale.  What the fuck is WRONG with some people?

Have any of you had an experience like this, someone blatantly crossing boundaries than any normal, sensible person wouldn't even consider doing?

Boru

You were well within your rights. He sounds like an ambulance chaser.

[Minimalist]

For a supposed professional that guy had no class at all.  You are totally justified.

[vorlon13]

At the '91 office Christmas party (had to go back that far to find something) a woman I worked with gave me quite a hug and tried to kiss on the lips, she got cheek instead, and as she was somewhat hammered and I was 5 years m/l into 12 Steppers I gave her a pass on it. I was very thunderstruck, at the office she was 'proper' with everyone except any (male) co-worker she was banging at the time to PO her husband.

Maybe that was my audition ??

[emjay]

Ugh, that's horrible Brian No idea what was going through that guy's mind to think he had the right to behave like that. And worse that he kept on pushing and seemed completely oblivious right to the end... when he had the audacity to call you rude Throw another coffee cup at him from me

[Little lunch]

I totally understand how everyone feels.
Personally, I let people touch me anywhere, anytime, almost.
It just doesn't bother me.
Unless they're doing it to intimidate me.
In which case I just do it back but worse. :-)

[emjay]

The only examples I can think of of this sort of thing happening to me were with two different people who were obsessed with me... one said she loved my earring and just reached out and grabbed it... and I instinctively jerked my head away from her, and the other talked about me with friends of mine on Facebook as if we were friends. In both cases it came from overfamiliarity on their part... assuming a relationship that wasn't there... and in both cases it made me feel uncomfortable.

[SteelCurtain]

To be fair, I'm a very huggy person. I have to restrain myself quite often.

[emjay]

Well you don't have to restrain yourself around me, Ploppy *hugs*

[JuliaL]

Let me play surgeon's advocate:

It is not unlikely that your invading professional never had sufficient socialization.
He was an excellent and very industrious student throughout an intensive academic career and didn't spend enough time with family or friends.
His high opinion of himself was reinforced by his scholastic achievements and acceptance into the exclusive fraternity of physicians, no, not just physicians, surgeons, no not just surgeons, but a respected sub-specialty.
Such high self confidence is not only characteristic, but necessary for a career where screwing up has serious repercussions, like blindness.
You wouldn't want him working on you if he wasn't sure he could do the job, would you?
If he is working in that career, you can be sure he has the full confidence of many patients.
If he couldn't instill that faith, he wouldn't work long, his patients would find a better liar.

I find it unsurprising that he might fall for his own superman persona and feel free to invade your personal space.
Understandable, but wrong.  Good for you for pushing back.

[J a c k]

When my son was around eight, he ran inside crying that the neighbor's rotweiler bit him in his butt cheek. I checked and he had teeth marks and a little blood. I went outside and the neighbor's dog was running around freely in the street while the neighbor cleaned out the poor dog's tiny fenced area. I asked him to control his dog, because he was loose, and bit my son. The dude walks up to me and yells in my face that my son made it up. I told him I saw the marks and then he said he would have to check for himself and walked towards my son. I lost it. I stood in front of my son obviously in crazy momma mode and he insisted he would have to check under his pants for proof. I sent my son inside, called the cops, and told this douche that if he ever put his hands on my son, I'd tear his head off. The cops arrived and he yelled at them, too. They took his dog for twelve days, because he couldn't find his shots record. Nobody touches my kids. Ever.