What if Jesus died for his own sins?

[vorlon13]

Well, I have postulated that in being temporarily dead from the end of the crucifixion to the resurrection, Jesus was located in the interim in Hell, and being subject to the (physical) depredations of Satan in order to win the 144,000 souls enumerated in Scripture.

Now as to the specific torments inflicted upon Jesus, scripture is mute, but earning 144,000 souls in a period of some number of hours, I think it is very clear, Jesus had a rough ride indeed.

So, the topic raises an interesting point, I'd concede it's possible Jesus was in fact tormented for 144,001 souls, and that last one being his own.

I don't think this conflicts with Inerrant Scripture at all, 144,000 'other' souls, presumably the cream of the crop of his fervent believers were still purchased.

Now, there is another issue, Jesus noted the 2 thieves crucified with him were in fact, Saved.

This is somewhat puzzling, as at that point, Jesus had not completed his 'transaction' with Satan yet, and therefore was technically committing fraud. And of course, that is a sin.



Jesus said so.

[ApeNotKillApe]

Well, I have postulated that in being temporarily dead from the end of the crucifixion to the resurrection, Jesus was located in the interim in Hell, and being subject to the (physical) depredations of Satan in order to win the 144,000 souls enumerated in Scripture.

Now as to the specific torments inflicted upon Jesus, scripture is mute, but earning 144,000 souls in a period of some number of hours, I think it is very clear, Jesus had a rough ride indeed.

So, the topic raises an interesting point, I'd concede it's possible Jesus was in fact tormented for 144,001 souls, and that last one being his own.

I  don't think this conflicts with Inerrant Scripture at all, 144,000 'other' souls, presumably the cream of the crop of his fervent believers were still purchased.

Now, there is another issue, Jesus noted the 2 thieves crucified with him were in fact, Saved.

This is somewhat puzzling, as at that point, Jesus had not completed his 'transaction' with Satan yet, and therefore was technically committing fraud.  And of course, that is a sin.



Jesus said so.

How does the exchange rate work in that scenario?

[vorlon13]

Satan presumably would have ejaculated .000014% more fiery sperm into Jesus tender ass to complete the purchase, plus I would assume a n additional increment to allow for the time value of sin in regards to Jesus having (somewhat) exceeded His authority while on the cross in granting (prematurely) salvation to the 2 thieves.

[abaris]

What gives you the impression of Jesus ass being tender?

[vorlon13]

'Relatively' speaking, any mere mortal dick Jesus may have had prior to Satan's massive barbed tool would have been of no discernible (useful and ameliorative) precedence in regards to the purchase of the ~144,000 via mortal agonies and appalling depredations.

[abaris]

For all we know, Jesus ass may have been quite seasoned. With 13 possible dicks aiming for the glory hole, he might have well endured one Satan load.

[account_inactive]

Interesting discussion, guys.

[KevinM1]

I'm writing notes

[PETE_ROSE]

A few decades back I proclaimed that I had zero regrets in life.  Since then I've been humbled and readily admit that I have a few.  Reading this thread just got added to the list.  Ug.  I feel horrible for actually laughing.

[abaris]

I feel horrible for actually laughing.

I've got quite a few regrets in life myself. But feeling guilty for laughing. Over what? Over how many Satan loads Jesus ass could take? I bet you it would have been quite a few, given the number of apostles alone. Circumsized, no less.