How to become a Televangelist?

[vorlon13]

You will need some talking points, or just one really good one:

[lugal ki en]

I think the first thing you need, is to be a completely vacuous, two-faced, compulsive liar, who has no problem deceiving and taking advantage of vulnerable people. You also need to have the look that only televangalists can pull off. 

Namely:

[mcolafson]

Do I have to memorize the whole bible or make up stuff at whim?

Who is / was the most successful televangelist in history?

Should I go into apprenticeship of some accomplished T-vangelist before I hang my own shingle?

Do I have to get some license for televangelizing? You know like accountants, real estate people have to have?

Do I have to get some form of professional insurance?

You know, when a doctor fucks up, you can sue him... I don't like being sued.

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Who was the youngest T-vangelist?


What is more profitable, setting up a scheme like Amway or t-vangelizing?

[vorlon13]

Marjoe Gortner (if name sounds familiar, he was in Earthquake and Kojak, and a heap of other stuff too) was a very young child preacher at one time, don't recall if he had his own TV show, however.

He gave up the bible racket and went into 'real' acting.

[mlmooney89]

I dunno but I've always thought it was an easy way to get rich. Let's do this together. I'm good with numbers, I will help ya with your 'books'. We will get rich fast.

[brewer]

Move to Tel Aviv.

[RobertE]

Go to Bangladesh, make friends with the false prophet Zakir Naik. Learn all his bullshit, and then start elsewhere afresh making gullible people believe in the bullshit.

[RobertE]

The callousness to throw a handicapped persons wheelchair into the dumpster is a requirement. Medicaid only pays for one every 5 years and many handicapped people are on fixed incomes.

That's not callousness -- that's faith! The Loard has touched you through my hands!

(If you still can't walk, that's your own goddamned fault!)

Bold is mine.

I wonder how many people have repeatedly gone to Lourdes to get cured i.e. those who are paralysed from the neck down, only to realise that the miracle didn't happen. They go again the next year to ask for a miracle, they receiving a touch on the neck, only for it to be a non-event. They go again, with the person now totally demoralised and desperate for help, and yet again, the miracle doesn't happen. With respect to those who are touched by an illness or a paralysis of any kind, doesn't the penny actually drop or are they so desperate to believe that God is there for them.

[KevinM1]

Do I have to memorize the whole bible or make up stuff at whim?

From what I've seen, they basically pick a bible passage or two and use it to prop up whatever particular BS they're selling that day.

Who is / was the most successful televangelist in history?

No idea, but Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, and Creflo Dollar have raked in some serious cash over the years.

Should I go into apprenticeship of some accomplished T-vangelist before I hang my own shingle?

I'm no expert, but I doubt that's how it works. Remember: these are con artists. They're not going to simply divide the pie into a greater number of smaller pieces by choice. They compete with each other.

Do I have to get some license for televangelizing? You know like accountants, real estate people have to have?

LMAO, no. There's no televangelist bar, board, or certification.

Do I have to get some form of professional insurance?

You know, when a doctor fucks up, you can sue him... I don't like being sued.

Yup, insurance is a must, as is labelling your business a church. Why pay taxes when you don't have to?

Who was the youngest T-vangelist?

What is more profitable, setting up a scheme like Amway or t-vangelizing?

No idea, and no idea.

If you really want to get into it, you need to start with a prosperity gospel church somewhere. Become 'ordained', and start travelling to other churches giving sermons and whatnot. Once you get fans, turn on the business side of it: books, pamphlets, trinkets, DVDs and CDs of your sermons, etc. Keep building it up until you can afford to build a mega-church, then go into overdrive: 30 minute infomercial type TV programs, 1-900 prayer hotlines, expensive subscriptions for access to dumb shit, national and worldwide tours with exorbitant ticket prices, etc.

Congratulations, you're a billionaire.

[The Grand Nudger]

Just keep screaming the craziest shit you can imagine at the top of your lungs until it sticks.  I'm talking things you wouldn't believe that -anyone- would believe.

Some will, some won't, so what.  When you finally have that audience identified you'll be the only provider of a niche product. Pretty much the same way they all did it.