Is being a virgin a turnoff for girls in college

[Alex K]

It's not a turn off unless you talk about it for 30 minutes straight and explain to the girl you're just going to have sex with how it's affected your self esteem and general outlook towards life. Just pretend like you know what you're doing and you'll be fine.

Xactly
Fake it till you make it!

[Catholic_Lady]

It's not a turn off unless you talk about it for 30 minutes straight and explain to the girl you're just going to have sex with how it's affected your self esteem and general outlook towards life. Just pretend like you know what you're doing and you'll be fine.

Or you can wait and have sex with someone you are in a committed relationship with, who truly cares about you and is your best friend.  Novel idea, isn't it? Then you can be completely honest with each other and it's ok, bc it'll be about love not about first time "performance" and pretending. I guarantee sex will be much better that way.

There was exactly 0 awkwardness between my man and I the first time we had sex, and we were both virgins. It was very painful for me despite how careful he was, but we giggled about it and took our time.

[FatAndFaithless]

It's not a turn off unless you talk about it for 30 minutes straight and explain to the girl you're just going to have sex with how it's affected your self esteem and general outlook towards life. Just pretend like you know what you're doing and you'll be fine.

Or you can wait and have sex with someone you are in a committed relationship with, who truly cares about you and is your best friend.  Novel idea, isn't it? Then you can be completely honest with each other and it's ok, bc it'll be about love not about first time "performance" and pretending. I guarantee sex will be much better that way.

There was exactly 0 awkwardness between my man and I the first time we had sex, and we were both virgins. It was very painful for me despite how careful he was, but we giggled about it and took our time.

Bolded mine.

Well...I mean if that's literally the only way you've experienced it yourself, that's a pretty bold statement.

[Catholic_Lady]

Or you can wait and have sex with someone you are in a committed relationship with, who truly cares about you and is your best friend.  Novel idea, isn't it? Then you can be completely honest with each other and it's ok, bc it'll be about love not about first time "performance" and pretending. I guarantee sex will be much better that way.

There was exactly 0 awkwardness between my man and I the first time we had sex, and we were both virgins. It was very painful for me despite how careful he was, but we giggled about it and took our time.

Bolded mine.

Well...I mean if that's literally the only way you've experienced it yourself, that's a pretty bold statement.

True. But we don't necessarily have to experience something first hand to make a reasonable conclusion about it. It seems pretty obvious that sex under the pressure of trying to perform well and not letting it be obvious that it's your first time, lest your partner ditches you, doesn't sound all too great. At least not as great as the non awkward sex you have with someone who knows you and cares about you, and vice versa.

[FatAndFaithless]

Bolded mine.

Well...I mean if that's literally the only way you've experienced it yourself, that's a pretty bold statement.

True. But we don't necessarily have to experience something first hand to make a reasonable conclusion about it. It seems pretty obvious that sex under the pressure of trying to perform well and not letting it be obvious that it's your first time, lest your partner ditches you, doesn't sound all too great. At least not as great as the non awkward sex you have with someone who knows you and cares about you, and vice versa.

Sure...but plenty of people can feel the pressure to perform even with someone they've been close with for a while.  Some might say they feel even more pressure because it's someone they care about deeply and want to perform for.  

My first time was with a girlfriend of a year and a half, both of us were virgins, both of us were nervous and awkward - and to be honest neither of us could tell if we 'performed' because it was literally both our first times.

But hey, different strokes for different folks.  I just find that guaranteeing one method over another (when you only really get one 'first time') is a little wonky.

If people want to wait until they're married after years and years of being in a relationship, more power to them. If they want to go to vegas and hire an escort, go nuts (just use protection).

[ukatheist]

Hi ITW,

I think people are maybe jumping the gun a bit here - the problem seems to be to me that you can't get to that first step of dating a girl (the other stuff comes later)?

Have you ever asked a girl out on a date, or even for a coffee? If so, what happened? Maybe we can try to identify where you might be going wrong. If you haven't, why is that? Nerves? Feeling inadequate?

Its not like girls can 'smell' virginity on someone, if you're not getting to that first step it's unlikely to be your virginity that's the problem (unless you introduce yourself to girls as 'ITW the virgin').



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[The Grand Nudger]

Definitely -don't- ask her out on a date, do ask her if she wants some coffee.  That's uniform code for sex.

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Let me put this another way, seeking sex by pursuing a relationship is a bit like chipping it out of the bunker, off the alligator, and down the flag pin.  You -could- do it that way, maybe....or you could just put it in the hole?  

Buncha goodie twoshoes round this joint dispensing relationship advice for your sex problem.  

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  If they want to go to vegas and hire an escort, go nuts (just use protection).

He means give her a fake name.  You can use mine.