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Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 10:09 am
I put 4 waffles in my toaster oven this morning. But when I dumped them onto a plate, there were only 3. At first I thought it was just my bad eyesight. But I felt and looked everywhere and that renegade waffle wasn't nowhere. It had grown legs and walked away.
When I was a teen the Sunday school teacher told us when something is missing and we can't find it, it's because demons are hiding it and we need to rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus.
So I rebuke you, Satan. In the name of Jesus you unhand my waffle. You have no right to keep me from finding my waffle. It's mine and I bind your power over it in the name of Jesus.
There now I should be able to find it. It's probably right there on the plate.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 10:30 am
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2017 at 10:30 am by Longhorn.)
Rhonda,
First off let me congratulate you on your expert breakfast item choice; secondly, I shall speak with the no good poopyhead at once and see if I can retrieve your legal property in one piece. But I can't promise not to eat it in the process. Happy waffling!
[REDACTED] Neimenovic, CEO of Waffles&co
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:01 am
Did they seriously tell you that if something is missing, a demon took it?
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:03 am
*quicly eats waffle*
Meow, no demons here.
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:08 am
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2017 at 11:08 am by brewer.)
You need to exorcise your toaster.
Take it for a long walk by the cord.
Being told you're delusional does not necessarily mean you're mental.
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:08 am
The waffle was a diversion, Satan is going to grab your immortal soul !!!
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:27 am
(January 17, 2017 at 11:08 am)vorlon13 Wrote: The waffle was a diversion, Satan is going to grab your immortal soul !!!
For a minute there, I thought you were going to say he would grab something else. Naw. even Satan wouldn't stoop to taking tips from Trump.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: Satan Stole My Waffle
January 17, 2017 at 11:30 am
At least the bastard had to eat it dry.
