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Coming Out As An Atheist
#1
Coming Out As An Atheist
I need help. I know there have to be hundreds of different topics existing on different boards, and that if I search I'll find them all. But the thing is that they are all about different people with different backgrounds, and since something like this is fairly personal and the correct way of approaching a matter as such depends heavily on the different personas. I know that I'm just going to probably be a once-off poster (which is a pity, I don't have much time for forumings) and you might feel that because of my abuse of your shiny boards your not going to bother reading further. Please do. Or else you will burn in hell for not helping your fellow person. Eek.

There will be no TL;DR. Most of you are non-believers so you should be used to reading long essays explaining everything. I've found that most Christians enjoy TL;DRs though, hence the religion.

I am 17 years old and I live in a very small, recently revolutionized country. I was born into a racial/cultural group (the same thing here, sadly) which is extremely conservative and down to earth. I am a male, and seeing as this is such a conservative culture the definition of being a "strong" male-figure is to
a) Financially provide for family (protocol has changed a lot over the years here. Women are now allowed tertiary education, but then the norm is to sit at home, raise kids etc.)
b) Protect the family using our manly superpowers
c) Be a Christian. Raise Christians. Marry a Christian. Of the same race.

Derp a derp a derp. You can see where this is going?

I started doing some soul searching about 3 years ago when I first doubted the existence of god, and whether or not my Christian god, is the right god. I read various philosophies, illegally acquired books around the subject (not proud of it, but I couldn't exactly buy them without parents knowing and the very vocalizing of your religious doubts are taboo here), paid attention in church, and thought deeply about the world. I came to the conclusion that there is no god (I believe you call that stance "Strong Atheism"), and I absolutely despise the idea of religion.

My family consists of a younger sister and brother, who I love dearly, and the conservative setup of a working father and a lazy mother sitting at home playing farmville on facebook. They are Christians. My parents are not what I'd call "devout", but they attend church when they can (and are not too tired or "sick"), are part of a religious club which meets once a week and discuss the wonders of god and how believing in him makes you love other people. My sister and brother are too young to adopt a stance on religion other than the one they were raised in, so they also attend church and church "school" (sorry my first language is not English - which make certain words useless to you).

Furthermore, the broader family (aunts, uncles, cousins, old people) are very close, and we get together at least once every two months. They are also Christians (or so they say).

Now the actual problem here, is something that I think is called, in English, "confirmation". Basically a tradition where young people my age who have attended this church "school" for some unwritten amount of time are invited to a fun Christian camp, where everyone who attends (after paying a fee for god, of course) get to sit around campfires and sing to Jesus about love and life and the wonders of it all. After you attend this camp, you have a one-on-one interview with an elder of the church, who will ask you a lot of easily avoided questions to see if you are ready for the actual confirmation. Then in a few months you get called up in front of a packed church with smiling family members, and the minister will ask you if you believe in heaven and the usual mumbo jumbo, and then you will have to swear an oath that you will attend church regularly, raise your children as Christians, and do your duty as Christian to convert those filthy heathens, and annoy them into salvation.

My camp is next weekend.

Should I tell my parents about my religious beliefs? It amuses me to see how they dodge past all my rituals I put in place to hint that I'm not Christian. I mean, I'm a published poet, and one of my poems (in print) handles about the absence of god and how religion is a bad influence. They ignored it completely, smiled and said "you really have a talent". I constantly make up excuses to miss church, and have told them I don't want to be confirmed (they believe that without confirmation I cannot get married or have children T_T).

I am prepared to, if they leave me in peace and stop forcing me into this confirmation, keep lying to my siblings, still take part in Christian traditions, lie to the aunts and uncles, and pray at gatherings if needs be. But I'm not sure if it's worth the obvious discomfort that will follow if I tell them - I mean to them it means that they failed as Christian parents and their son is going to hell. Should I just suck it up, lie to everyone, attend the camp, grit my teeth through it, lie at the interview, and then make a mockery of their biggest tradition of all? It's a tough decision, and whatever the outcome can be seen as selfishness from both parties.

What do I do? What did you do? I mean the situation is so bad here that schools who teach evolution also tell the kids that they themselves don't believe in it. My friends refer to the only other atheist friend of mine (he came out) as "the devil".

I'm so confused and bloody tired over contemplating. Help me please.

Yes, this is a cry thread, and if you don't post something constructive then you have to say "cool story bro" Big Grin.

Thanks in advance.
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#2
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
Quote:Should I tell my parents about my religious beliefs? It amuses me to see how they dodge past all my rituals I put in place to hint that I'm not Christian. I mean, I'm a published poet, and one of my poems (in print) handles about the absence of god and how religion is a bad influence. They ignored it completely, smiled and said "you really have a talent".


It sounds as if they are more concerned with outer appearances than actual belief. If so, can you go through the motions for a few more years until you are old enough to get out of there? Lots of people go to jobs they hate for years because they have to pay the bills. Try looking at it that way.

The break will come soon enough when you are able to run your own life.

BTW, what country are you in?
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#3
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
Yeah I hear what you are saying. Plan is to leave the family anyway after about two years and then study abroad.

I'm from South Africa (elephants in streets, lions as pets etc) but parents are planning to move to Australia end of next year. Then I'm planning on taking a break from studies and explore the world a bit for a year, and then I'll try to maneuver my way into UK some how.
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#4
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
The UK would be a better choice than the US. We have way too many jesus freaks ruining things around here.
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#5
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
(October 1, 2010 at 11:53 am)Minimalist Wrote: The UK would be a better choice than the US. We have way too many jesus freaks ruining things around here.

Or canada or eastern europe or new zealand.

Anyhow, if it's for 2 years after which you'll leave your family for a while anyway you could wait - then again you could tell em straight away. It's hard cause I don't know how your family will react (will they disown you or will there simply be arguements, etc) - I'm lucky cause I'm from eastern europe and when I told my mom one time that I was an atheist she was like "meh, you'll get over it"
Have you found Jesus? If so read "the god dillusion"
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#6
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
I left my mom a note(I fear confrontation) before going out with my friend. When she read it, she basically didn't take me seriously. She thinks I'm not an atheist, just confused. She thinks I have too little "experience" in this world(as in, nothing beyond terrible has ever happened to me) to be an atheist and she still continues to make me go to church.

My advice is to check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXDy1gVcWCc
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#7
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
wow epic video. I find such things interesting as I live in a very non-religious country where while most people are christian they are of the "never read the bible except some stories, very rarely go to church (weddings, funerals etc), religion is seldom discussed here, etc" indeed going to church once a week here would probably make you seem weird/ a religion nut.
The downside is I have no real life theists to debate Sad
Have you found Jesus? If so read "the god dillusion"
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#8
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
Do what I did. Present your reasons and then listen to them tell you you are wrong.After that just don't bring it up when it is not necessary.

Also, I just did a report on SA! It was about Mandela and the Apartheid.
Quote:"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. "
Martin Luther King, Jr.
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#9
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
(October 1, 2010 at 11:53 am)Minimalist Wrote: The UK would be a better choice than the US. We have way too many jesus freaks ruining things around here.

That really depends on where you live.

In Boston, there's just the 1. Sometimes 2.

[Image: S7301351.jpg]
"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason." Benjamin Franklin

::Blogs:: Boston Atheism Examiner - Boston Atheists Blog | :Tongueodcast:: Boston Atheists Report
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#10
RE: Coming Out As An Atheist
(October 1, 2010 at 11:53 am)Minimalist Wrote: The UK would be a better choice than the US.

And Sweden would be a better choice than the UK.Big Grin
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence - Carl Sagan

Mankind's intelligence walks hand in hand with it's stupidity.

Being an atheist says nothing about your overall intelligence, it just means you don't believe in god. Atheists can be as bright as any scientist and as stupid as any creationist.

You never really know just how stupid someone is, until you've argued with them.
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