"Yes Mom, there IS no god" ..hmm can't be that easy

[ldarwin]

Yep, another thread about talking to ones religious family members Seriously though... it's driving me crazy.

I've kept my atheism secret for 6 years. And my family doesn't bring up touchy subjects EVER! "Don't ask don't tell" is pretty much our philosophy.

But I want them to know. It's stressing me out. My mom is very religious (preacher's daughter). And my sister and her husband are very involved in the church/religion. She talks to me about her church sometimes, and the books she's reading. Stuff like "The Case for Christ", "The Case for....", ect... I basically just nod a lot, and say 'neat' or 'how interesting'. And the thing is, I've read most of these books, but how do I tell her this when I'm pretty sure she won't like what I have to say.

This might be her way of asking me why I don't go to church anymore. Because I suspect, that they suspect, I'm not totally on-board anymore.

I guess what really scares me is two things might happen:

1) My mom and sister will be scared to talk to me. Because so much of their life revolves around religion...
They end up majorly censoring themselves around me. Then again, that's what I've been doing LOL And holidays will be SUPER awkward. Maybe that's just how it has to be?

2) Or somehow I make them start questioning. Then they start having doubts... now I'm responsible for my sister not getting along with her religious husband. Or my mom is depressed because she has spent her entire life worshiping a god that may not even be there. Not that I'm great at Anti-apologetics, but it still worries me.

Yeah, I'm too close to all of this, and can't see the situation clearly anymore. I want to be myself, but I still want to be a part of my family. Anyone else been in this situation? Are my fears unfair/unwarranted/realistic/necessary evil...? Maybe I'm hoping to have my cake and eat it too
Thanks everyone for being my shrink!

[The Omnissiunt One]

Hmm... it's a tricky one, and I don't really know what to suggest. Seeing as ignorance is bliss... a lobotomy, perhaps?

[Minimalist]

And the thing is, I've read most of these books, but how do I tell her this when I'm pretty sure she won't like what I have to say.

I guess the word "horseshit" is out of the question?

[ldarwin]

LOL! yes Minimalist, excellent question. I have thought of employing the age-old technique of coughing in ones hand while quickly blurting "bullshit" as if they were one in the same. Thereby both sharing my opinion, and masking it for those who wish to pretend they didn't hear it. But after considering how many times I would have to do this while with my family.... my throat would surely get sore.

[Minimalist]

[chasm]

If you want them to know, I would tell them. I mean, put yourself in your mom's or sisters shoes - would you want to know a secret they were hiding, even if it possibly made you hate them? I was in this situation when I was 15 and it didn't take me long to tell me parents. The neighbor's invited me to church and I said "I don't want to go, I'm an atheist." It was a great introduction to my atheism if I do say so myself. Anyway. My advice... tell them.

[Zen Badger]

If your mum is reading books with titles like "the case for christ" and the like, I would suspect that she is also starting to have doubts.

Maybe instead of baldly stating that you are an atheist you should start by exploring her feelings on the subject.

[yuriythebest]

mm I can't really relate since, while my mom is religious, we are in europe. Late one night when we were walking home and having a conversations, I said "oh, and good news - I'm an atheist!", she said - "meh, it'll pass". never really discussed it much since.

Unless your family are fanatics or something and you'd fear for your life/where to live/etc, or unless you are moving out in the near future anyway for college or something, I'd tell em - you only got one life to live - would you really wanna waste several percent of it living a lie?

[downbeatplumb]

Come down stairs in a dress and announce that youve had a secret for the past few years.


When you tell them your an atheist they might just be relieved.

[Eiskalt]

Well how I came out was via Facebook. Nice eh?

I posted that my religion was "Atheist" and after some drama between my sister and I (whom I have not talked with in over a year now even before coming out) my dad started asking me questions.I posted on my Facebook after my sister went to Haiti for a mission trip that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with her because she couldn't even take a minute to even talk to me or respond to my comments, text, etc. I just gave up after almost 5 years of fighting with her over this stupid grudge she has against me. I had to finally come out and say what I felt and what I thought about religion. It caused a very huge fight, me to go into a depression stage and no talking to my family for almost 2 months.

But you know what? It was worth it. My parents/family who are all very religious Christians (non-denominational now) they realized that they could not push me away because of my choice. It ended up causing my parents to fly up to Washington to visit me even! xD

The thing is, when you tell her/them, there is more than likely going to be some negative reactions, but after it sets in, at least in my experience, they accepted it in the end. Would they like their daughter and son-in-law to be with them in their Christian religion, of course. Did they learn to respect our decision, yes. It took a while, but they knew hoarding so much resentment for my decision was immature and stupid on their part. They accepted it and now things are better than they have been in the past.