What will you do? (Ethical dilemma question)

[The Grand Nudger]

Not really, at least not to me.  I would suggest, though, that the "complication" refers to ones own feelings of guilt or complicity..and that running off to the best friend would have more to do with that than with the best friends well being. Which isn;t to say that you shouldn't do it, that's a personal call...but it's nice to understand our own motivations.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

Well, say you do tell your best friend about it. Now you're going to be the guy that ended a 8 year long relationship.. . That's not a small thing to bear.
Or your friend don't believe you, cmon the guy has been with this chick for 8 years, he's probably going to think something like you're jealous of their relationship or something....and now you're the guy that's jealous of his best friend doing good...

That's not an ethical dilemma though.
His GF is a sexual predator that is lying to him. It is your obligation to tell him, after perhaps as Losty pointed out, after you file a police report. There is no dilemma.
If he resents you for it when the truth comes out or he doesn't believe you at all, that sucks. But keeping those possibilities in mind doesn't make your choice of option 2 any more ethical. Instead its more selfish, actually. You don't want to upset the natural order and would rather let your friend get cheated on and have a sexual predator go on harrassing others? That's cowardice, not ethics.

Lol let's just erase the assault part because that's not doing this discussion any favor 😂

Question boils down to, would you rather your friend be ignorant but happy or informed but sad? I think you're leaning over to the informed but sad side? You do realize although you're being honest here you're still ruining the happiness of your best friend though, right?... What if he goes on a downward spiral and ends up taking his own life or something? Because we're talking about a 8 year+ relationship... It's safe to assume that shit will probably sting

[RoadRunner79]

You have a friend. He/She is your best friend. You've been friends for a long long time and you're very dear friends.

This friend of yours have a boyfriend/girlfriend that he/she loves very much. They've been dating for more than 8 years. They are such a lovely couple hoping to get married one day. All they talk about is how many kids they're going to have, their marriage, their future, they're really in love etc.

One day you're left alone with the girlfriend/boyfriend of your best friend for a brief moment and he/she starts touching you, kissing you, feeling you up, like basically sexually assault you and immediately goes back to normal when somebody walked in. 

You're shocked. This person is nothing like you had imagined and you're left with two options:

1) You tell your best friend what happened. 
2) You don't tell your best friend what happened. 

What will you do? Why?

I can see both sides of it.  However would probably tell the friend.

[Edwardo Piet]

Girl like that probably has a side piece on her side piece.  Just sayin.

As a 25 year old virgin... I assumed that. And I didn't give a shit. Lol.

---

Mm.. Excuse me?

Sorry... did you cough?

You are seriously asking us what we'd do in X situation which is fine until you mention the fact that in this hypothetical situation we get sexually assaulted. You're really good at ruining your own questions, lol.

[Losty]

If you tell your best friend about it, you're not going to be the guy who ended an 8 year relationship. If the relationship ends it will be the fault of your friend's partner not yours.

I'll tell you this, I have a friend that I've been friends with since high school and her husband got drunk and propositioned drunk me to give him head. Drunk me seduced him into their bedroom (where she was) and said "I think your hubby got lost, bae". We all still laugh about it.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

Sorry... did you cough?

Did I...cough? What?

You are seriously asking us what we'd do in X situation which is fine until you mention the fact that in this hypothetical situation we get sexually assaulted. You're really good at ruining your own questions, lol.

Um I described it that way so that the situation will be clear and there is a kind of pressure to answer it not as a debate on assault... I thought that was pretty clear? But thank you for calling me stupid 😒

---

If you tell your best friend about it, you're not going to be the guy who ended an 8 year relationship. If the relationship ends it will be the fault of your friend's partner not yours.

I'll tell you this, I have a friend that I've been friends with since high school and her husband got drunk and propositioned drunk me to give him head. Drunk me seduced him into their bedroom (where she was) and said "I think your hubby got lost, bae". We all still laugh about it.

Drunk is different though isn't it? The kind of situation I'm saying is with crystal clear head

[Losty]

Drunk is different though isn't it? The kind of situation I'm saying is with crystal clear head

Of course drunk is different. I was just sharing my story because I thought it was funny.

I don't really get the dilemma though. If the relationship ends it will be because one person did something that violated the other person's trust. Not because I told them about it.

Any of my friends that hit on me or flirt with me do so with the knowledge and consent of their partners. If someone did it and I knew their partner wasn't ok with it I would tell them to fuck off. Whether I would then tell on them would depend on the details of what happened, but if I did tell and their relationship ended because of it, it wouldn't be my fault.

[Mr.Obvious]

That's not an ethical dilemma though.
His GF is a sexual predator that is lying to him. It is your obligation to tell him, after perhaps as Losty pointed out, after you file a police report. There is no dilemma.
If he resents you for it when the truth comes out or he doesn't believe you at all, that sucks. But keeping those possibilities in mind doesn't make your choice of option 2 any more ethical. Instead its more selfish, actually. You don't want to upset the natural order and would rather let your friend get cheated on and have a sexual predator go on harrassing others? That's cowardice, not ethics.

Lol let's just erase the assault part because that's not doing this discussion any favor 😂

Question boils down to, would you rather your friend be ignorant but happy or informed but sad? I think you're leaning over to the informed but sad side? You do realize although you're being honest here you're still ruining the happiness of your best friend though, right?... What if he goes on a downward spiral and ends up taking his own life or something? Because we're talking about a 8 year+ relationship... It's safe to assume that shit will probably sting

Informed, with a chance of ditching an unwanted partner in favor of one that would actually love him as he deserves.
Shit will sting. Because of what the GF did.
Still no dilemma.

You can add all the hypothetical scenarios that "could" follow after.
He might go into a downward spiral and kill himself.
He might find someone better and become happier than ever.
He might find out 16 years down the road when the same thing happens with a new guy, making for an increased loss because now he's wasted another 8 years you could have prevented.

You can't tell the future. When you look at the here and now, there is no dilemma.

[Shell B]

Perhaps a more salient example would be that you and your best friends girl got all slutty with each other.  At least in that there's enough ambiguity to make it a difficult choice between feeling the need to absolve your own conscience of guilt and the possibility that doing so would needlessly wreck an eight year relationship, because of a kiss.

Who hasn't had their best friends girl or guy hit on them?  You're all out partying, maybe she's a little tipsy....shit happens.  It signifies nothing.  It can be handled with a laugh and a smile "let's not do that again, okay?" - or am I missing something?

Not in my world. Sure, casual hookups are like that. People in a common circle kind of pass each other around. Once you're a boyfriend and/or girlfriend, that shit's off-limits. Even exes are off-limits in my circle. My best friend also has terrible taste in men, so there is that.

That shit just isn't cool. I'd feel utterly disgusted with myself. I'd also punch someone in the face if it was my best friend and significant other. If they can't even handle not getting slutty, how can you trust them with the big stuff?

[paulpablo]

I picked option one, I never really have any serious interest in my friends girlfriends to the extent I'd be deceitful in that way.  I would want to make sure my friend doesn't invest more time into an obviously doomed relationship.

I've been in a situation where my best friends girlfriend grabbed me and got right up to my face like she was about to kiss me and I just sort of pulled away.  I didn't tell my friend about that. She was high on ecstasy and girls get horny on that, other than thinking she has a pretty nice ass I had no interest at all in my best friends girlfriend at that time.  Her personality was wayyy to boisterous and loud.  I just considered the grab to be a drugs related accident. To put it bluntly I wasn't bad enough to kiss her back but I didn't give a fuck enough to deal with all the drama of what would happen if I did make a big deal of it and reveal it to my friend.

These days though I would say yes it's important to tell that friend, because even if drugs or drink are involved what if the girl often does drugs or drinks and next time she grabs some other guy he goes along with it. Especially in a situation where they're constantly talking about how in love they are. Then you have the added benefit of the fact that they'll shut the fuck up and stop annoying you, going on about how much they love each other.