Challenge: Plot a murder

[Jackalope]

Meh, just push 'em down the stairs.

Ooops!

But what if they survive the fall? The push has to be "just right". 

Easy, if they survive the fall, haul 'em back up the stairs and push 'em down again.

Or, alternatively, throw 'em out a window.

[ignoramus]

The hard part is making it look like a suicide...

So rule#1....no knives in the back...!

[Cyberman]

I suggest you read the story.

Or even better, watch it.





And yes, that really is Roald Dahl introducing it. In another one, he outlined another way to get away with murdering a husband. He said to buy a dozen oysters for a romantic meal, and keep them in the fridge while burying one in the garden for a week. Then serve them, making sure he gets the bad one.

This man is why Willy Wonka and Matilda have such a deliciously dark edge.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

It's much harder to be convicted of murder when no body is ever found. Hiding the body someplace where it will never be found is top priority. But don't put a dead body in the trunk of your car for any amount of time because cadaver dogs can smell that long after the body is gone.

Then you gotta be sure you are untraceable on the day you do the deed. Dont turn off your cell phone, though. Instead just leave it at home. Don't stop for gas anywhere, or anywhere else that may have a camera.

Make sure you don't do searches on how to commit murder on any of your devices.

If you might potentially leave footprints, buy shoes well ahead of time (using cash, not credit card) that are a different size than your feet. Then dispose of them afterwards. Along with everything else you're wearing. (And this does not mean tossing them in your garbage at home)

And obviously all the DNA stuff. If theres gonna be blood, dont do it at your house bc evidence of it will stay there despite all your clean up. Wear gloves, a hair net, etc.

For an alibi, have a really really long movie streaming from the internet at your place and just say you were home watching a movie that day. They'll be able to see the movie was playing by checking your internet history. It's not a great alibi, but at least it's something.

not perfect but still a lot better

[vorlon13]

Like I'm going to think of a good one and let one of you posers muck it up . . .

[Anomalocaris]

You kill a complete stranger somewhere completely random.

The challenge is in murdering someone that you know.

We've never met. 

Relax, you won’t be on her list. Both of you can be traced to this thread.

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It's much harder to be convicted of murder when no body is ever found. Hiding the body someplace where it will never be found is top priority. But don't put a dead body in the trunk of your car for any amount of time because cadaver dogs can smell that long after the body is gone.

Then you gotta be sure you are untraceable on the day you do the deed. Dont turn off your cell phone, though. Instead just leave it at home. Don't stop for gas anywhere, or anywhere else that may have a camera.

Make sure you don't do searches on how to commit murder on any of your devices.

If you might potentially leave footprints, buy shoes well ahead of time (using cash, not credit card) that are a different size than your feet. Then dispose of them afterwards. Along with everything else you're wearing. (And this does not mean tossing them in your garbage at home)

And obviously all the DNA stuff. If theres gonna be blood, dont do it at your house bc evidence of it will stay there despite all your clean up. Wear gloves, a hair net, etc.

For an alibi, have a really really long movie streaming from the internet at your place and just say you were home watching a movie that day. They'll be able to see the movie was playing by checking your internet history. It's not a great alibi, but at least it's something.

My will says “in case I am decleared dead without a body, Catholic lady murdered me”.

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It's much harder to be convicted of murder when no body is ever found. Hiding the body someplace where it will never be found is top priority. But don't put a dead body in the trunk of your car for any amount of time because cadaver dogs can smell that long after the body is gone.

Then you gotta be sure you are untraceable on the day you do the deed. Dont turn off your cell phone, though. Instead just leave it at home. Don't stop for gas anywhere, or anywhere else that may have a camera.

Make sure you don't do searches on how to commit murder on any of your devices.

If you might potentially leave footprints, buy shoes well ahead of time (using cash, not credit card) that are a different size than your feet. Then dispose of them afterwards. Along with everything else you're wearing. (And this does not mean tossing them in your garbage at home)

And obviously all the DNA stuff. If theres gonna be blood, dont do it at your house bc evidence of it will stay there despite all your clean up. Wear gloves, a hair net, etc.

For an alibi, have a really really long movie streaming from the internet at your place and just say you were home watching a movie that day. They'll be able to see the movie was playing by checking your internet history. It's not a great alibi, but at least it's something.

Remind me not to piss you off, lol.

I agree about getting rid of the body. If I was still in Florida, I would fasten lead weights to it, take it off-shore beyond the continental shelf and consign it to the depths. They're not going to dredge for a body in thousands of feet of water, miles off-shore. It's gone for good.

Sorry to say murder convictions without a body is not uncommon.

[Cyberman]

That's what did in John George Haigh, the Acid Bath Murderer. He thought that proving "corpus delicti" meant that you couldn't be convicted without a corpse, which is why he used acid to dispose of them.

[I_am_not_mafia]

Killing at random: I would visit one of those markets with machines people use to grind coffee beans, and put poison on top of the beans already in the hopper. It may take a few days to a few weeks, but someone would eventually grind the poisoned beans and take them home. 

We've spent many christmases planning out things like this in intricate detail for my mum's books. One I was particularly proud of was to mix polonium or ricin in with the glass salt / sugar / pepper shakers at some busy random motorway services. There wouldn't even be any discernible pattern when plotted on a map because everyone would be going to a different location around the country.

[Anomalocaris]

Killing at random: I would visit one of those markets with machines people use to grind coffee beans, and put poison on top of the beans already in the hopper. It may take a few days to a few weeks, but someone would eventually grind the poisoned beans and take them home. 

We've spent many christmases planning out things like this in intricate detail for my mum's books. One I was particularly proud of was to mix polonium or ricin in with the glass salt / sugar / pepper shakers at some busy random motorway services. There wouldn't even be any discernible pattern when plotted on a map because everyone would be going to a different location around the country.

Except careful investigation might reveal many who were afflicted recently passed through the same motorway service within a short period of time.

Also polonium is radioactive and it’s former presence will likely be easily detected by the investigation.

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Killing at random: I would visit one of those markets with machines people use to grind coffee beans, and put poison on top of the beans already in the hopper. It may take a few days to a few weeks, but someone would eventually grind the poisoned beans and take them home. 

Killing a specific person: I would rig their headphones to explode during the second chorus of 'Dancing Queen'. 

Boru

Committing a crime from which one does not profit is as low class as petty vandalism.

To be respectable, one must get away with profiting from one’s crime.

[ErGingerbreadMandude]

Got a plan..
You befriend the person you want to pwn then you go for a swim in the ocean one day, you plan a game where you're supposed to swim as far as possible and see who gets the farthest, but you'll both two of one of those automatically inflating life jackets so that you won't drown....only his life jacket is "faulty". The advantage is your weapon of choice isn't really a weapon, you won't need anybody else's help because you can make it faulty yourself, there won't be any witnesses in the middle of the ocean, no cameras, no nothing, you come back to the shore crying for help and collapse on the ground, wake up in the hospital and hear the "bad" (good) news and attend the funeral.,you attend a month of therapy from the shock and move somewhere else because the place keeps reminding you of your friend. Perfect crime?