Mary's Ten Year Pregnancy

[YahwehIsTheWay]

Fun Bible Fact for this Christmas season:
Mary's pregnancy with the Lord lasted 10 years. 

Luke 1:5

There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abia: and his wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth.

King Harod died in 4 BCE, which places these events around that time. 

Luke 1:13

But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John.

And said wife does become pregnant and hid for five months. 

Luke 1:24

And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived, and hid herself five months, ...

After which time Gabriel goes to tell Mary she's going to conceive. 

Luke 1:26

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,

I'm sure most of you know the story so I'll skip ahead. 

Luke 1:36

And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.

So we've established that Mary becomes pregnant during the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy. 

Luke 1:39-42

And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda; And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth. And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost: And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. 

So the Wholly Babble establishes that Mary was pregnant already with the Lord as Elizabeth's six month old fetus was leaping for joy. Since this conception happened during the reign of Harod the Great, it all happened no later than March of 2004, when Harod died. Any questions so far?

Luke 2:1-5

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

So Mary is still pregnant with Jesus into the administration of Cyrenius over Syria, which did not begin until 6 CE. 

Hence, Mary's pregnancy lasted at least 10 years according to the Infallible Word of God. 

I guess those Sons of Gods take longer to bake in the oven. 

Her back must have been killing her.

[brewer]

Wouldn't it be horribly funny if "failure to thrive" was the answer for the ten years. 10 attempts, 9 fails.

[ignoramus]

Wouldn't it be horribly funny if "failure to thrive" was the answer for the ten years. 10 attempts, 9 fails.

Always suspected the old bastard was omni-impotent!



Or maybe he made himself a dick so heavy even he couldn't get up?

Stop encouraging me!
Try the veal!

[YahwehIsTheWay]

The most common apologetic to this and other problems with Jesus' bio is to push Quirinius back to Harod's time. It fails for many reasons. We knew where Quirinius was at that time, governor of a part of modern-day Turkey. Also, Judea at the time of Harod was a kingdom that only paid tribute to Rome. They had no reason to run the census. 

Of course, I have no use for apologetics. That's for people of weak faith. Jesus was two places at once. He was born before 4 BCE and after 6 CE at the same time.

---

Wouldn't it be horribly funny if "failure to thrive" was the answer for the ten years. 10 attempts, 9 fails.

Always suspected the old bastard was omni-impotent!



Or maybe he made himself a dick so heavy even he couldn't get up?

Stop encouraging me!
Try the veal!

Not TRUE!!!!

Yahweh showed off his massive dick to Ezekiel. He was hot and hung. 

Seriously, I'm not kidding. A description of Yahweh's cock is in the Bible.

Ezekiel 1:27

And I saw as the colour of amber, as the appearance of fire round about within it, from the appearance of his loins even upward, and from the appearance of his loins even downward, I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and it had brightness round about.

[Minimalist]

[YahwehIsTheWay]

"Look, Mary, I know you had a life before me but do you have to call out his name every time you climax?"

[Minimalist]

And I saw as the colour of amber, as the appearance of fire round about within it, from the appearance of his loins even upward, and from the appearance of his loins even downward, I saw as it were the appearance of fire, and it had brightness round about.

It's a good thing they didn't have toilets.  It would have hung in the water.

[ignoramus]

In all seriousness, I really thought Ezekiel was a caveman's description of God's mothership visiting.
I still believe it may be ... Fuck Von Daniken! I have "other" reasons to believe so!

That's why we are smart and the apes aren't. We were genetically spliced so "they" can survive!
CAVEAT: When I say "we" are smart, I don't specifically mean myself.

[Drich]

Fun Bible Fact for this Christmas season:
Mary's pregnancy with the Lord lasted 10 years. 

Luke 1:5

There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judaea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the course of Abia: and his wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth.

King Harod died in 4 BCE, which places these events around that time. 

Luke 1:13

But the angel said unto him, Fear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a son, and thou shalt call his name John.

And said wife does become pregnant and hid for five months. 

Luke 1:24

And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived, and hid herself five months, ...

After which time Gabriel goes to tell Mary she's going to conceive. 

Luke 1:26

And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,

I'm sure most of you know the story so I'll skip ahead. 

Luke 1:36

And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.

So we've established that Mary becomes pregnant during the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy. 

Luke 1:39-42

And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda; And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth. And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost: And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. 

So the Wholly Babble establishes that Mary was pregnant already with the Lord as Elizabeth's six month old fetus was leaping for joy. Since this conception happened during the reign of Harod the Great, it all happened no later than March of 2004, when Harod died. Any questions so far?

Luke 2:1-5

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.
(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David
To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

So Mary is still pregnant with Jesus into the administration of Cyrenius over Syria, which did not begin until 6 CE. 

Hence, Mary's pregnancy lasted at least 10 years according to the Infallible Word of God. 

I guess those Sons of Gods take longer to bake in the oven. 

Her back must have been killing her.

Glob...

I guess you do not know who Herod Archelaus was. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herod_Archelaus

He was the son of herod the great and ruled for those 9/10 years you wrongfully assume mary was impregnated in.. Let's say Herod the bible mentions was Archelaus and not the great (as the bible never identifies which herod but assumes even a dumb ass would google it before he made a big post making look like the uneducated fool, because he did not know herod the greats son ruled in his father stead till he pissed off ceasar and was replaced by cyrenius...) So even to a fool would it not then be possible for the passage to read accurately if Archelaus/Herod was at the end of his rule as king during John's conception but then by the time Jesus was born Cyrenius was in rule... you know, Cyrenius the guy who demanded the census that cause Joseph to go to bethlehem to be counted with his prego wife?!?!

[Minimalist]

Archelaus did not rule Galilee and Perea, shitforbrains.  No, whatever fuckhead wrote "matthew" knew fully well that he was talking about Herod the Great.  Trust me on this, dripshit.  Far better minds than yours have attempted to reconcile the obvious contradiction in your bible horseshit and failed miserably!

You have no chance!