How would you react to finding out you were making out with a transsexual?

[Shell B]

If the issue is consent...and it must be if this is a rape, then that's what would count.  Had a surprise penis therefore Mr. Handy was raped, is, imo, dodgy.

I think we can all agree that it's best practice to mention surprise penis, and that some things stand out as more notable than others and that not all mentionable things are the same things..still.  The rape angle seems extreme, to me, and a burden not shared by other things that could be just as important to consent.

The earlier example I offered of finding myself getting drunk with and feeling up a girl that would be underage in the states (and in my mind) seems to be similar in every relevant way, and it's hard for me to think of her as a rapist.

I mean you can't be raped unless there's sexual intercourse. In any scenario where someone had unexpected genitals and had actual sex with you, I'd call it rape. Anything short of that is just shady, not rapey.

[bennyboy]

 I feel the first kiss should be the cut-line: I'd want you to tell me before the first kiss, or I would feel that you had violated me.

Y’know what’s funny?  I always told myself that, too.  I always said that was my rule, but, damn, it’s easy to make the rule when you’re in a monogamous relationship and hard to stick to the rule when it’s actually happening.

TaraJo, based on the little tiny thumbnail that I know about you, I'd say two things:
1)  You are an attractive-looking person.
2)  I still think I'd know.
3)  If I were drunk and you weren't and something surprising happened, I'd blame you and be upset with you for taking advantage of me.
4)  If we were both drunk and at a party where I didn't know everyone (say at a night club), then I'd probably be upset that it had happened (no offense, but it would be pretty ewww! for me), but not blame you.

I don't think that many people are really surprised at discovering their date is a male-female trans person.  I think they are "surprised" as in "Officer, I, Bubba the Big Fat Trucker, didn't know I was picking up a transsexual hooker.  First of all, I was just looking for directions.  Is this really West Hollywood?  I totally thought it was Newport Beach. . . and I can't explain why I'm wearing a bra right now, and I don't know whose big black dildos and Ecstasy  those are in my glove compartment!"  Unfortunately, people who are "surprised" like that might go to pretty unpleasant lengths to hide their totally transparent "secret."  I think a lot of those guys are one trigger away from needing a shovel and a giant duffel bag.

TaraJo, whatever individuals might think about coming into contact with you, I selfishly hope for our sake that you'll be sensible and vigilant to danger, because I think it's real.

---

By, the way I live in Korea, which is known for having one of the first very famous trans performers.  She was #1 on the charts before she came out in a truly epic and shocking fashion.  It was with tremendous mirth that one week all my middle-school boy students were saying how much they were in love with Harisu, and were going to marry her, and had posters of her in a bikini in their lockers, and then the next week she came at them with this:



In her case. . . I'm not 100% sure that I would have known, especially since a lot of Korean women get facial and body surgery anyway.  Not that good a singer IMO, but here she is:

[Amarok]

Why would i care ?

[EgoDeath]

If she was hot, I wouldn't mind. Can't say I'd necessarily be interested in going further either, but I don't see myself making some huge deal out of it.

I think people get far too hung up on their sexuality than they should. We're all humans and we all like sex.

That being said, people also have a right to say no to anything they're not comfortable with. And when a, presumably, straight man is making out with someone he believes to be a cisgendered woman, I can see how someone could be disturbed by that.

Ideally, you should let people know you're trans early on in the relationship/interaction. It may be uncomfortable but it's honestly the right that to do and might save you from being physically harmed. Safety is clearly a huge issue with trans women and I get that, on an intellectual level at least (obviously I haven't lived it).

So yea, be honest and upfront with people and if you're having a lot of casual sex, please be safe.

[Sal]

I don't like being lied to; either by omission or simply false statements. That's my answer.

[WolfsChild]

id kiss them more

[TaraJo]

Well, the pic in my thumbnail is a little out of date.  Like, I think it's from 2013 or so.  Here's a more recent one; it's less than a year old (it was taken while I was visiting Scottsdale).




As of now, I still want to explore sex, romance, dating and stuff like that, but I want to keep it casual.  I just ended an 8 year relationship so I'm in no hurry to get into another one.  I may just try to limit myself to more of the kink communities.  I'd feel more comfortable there since trans people seem to be more accepted.  

Here's another question, though: would it matter whether I'm post op or pre?  If you were making out with someone, you find out she's trans but she's post op: does it matter?  Or does it matter as much as it would if she was pre-op?

[EgoDeath]

Here's another question, though: would it matter whether I'm post op or pre?  If you were making out with someone, you find out she's trans but she's post op: does it matter?  Or does it matter as much as it would if she was pre-op?

If someone isn't attracted to penises, obviously it will matter.

[Losty]

I don’t know. I don’t think you have to tell a random person that’s just making out with you at a sex party. If we were in a different situation and i felt like you lied to me I’d be upset. But at a sex party? I wouldn’t be bothered at all.

[TaraJo]

Here's another question, though: would it matter whether I'm post op or pre?  If you were making out with someone, you find out she's trans but she's post op: does it matter?  Or does it matter as much as it would if she was pre-op?

If someone isn't attracted to penises, obviously it will matter.

That's partially true but also there's some important information that's kinda misleading.

First, I've been on estrogen and testosterone blockers for over a decade now.  Yes, I still have a penis but it's not exactly going to work like a regular old dude's penis would work.  It's smaller, softer, it even smells like pussy.  And even when/if I reach orgasm, it never squirts anymore.

Second, even though I have a penis, part of the reason I don't like to come out is that I just don't like using it.  I want it to be ignored.  Even if they're into it, I wouldn't want my partner to suck it or touch it and I certainly wouldn't dream of topping him with it.  Hell, I don't know if I could top a guy if I wanted to anymore.