Pitch ideas for Christian movies

[Brian37]

Wish I could say this was my Idea, but Mad TV beat me to it a long time ago..

[Nay_Sayer]

A Christian man questions his faith, He is confronted by a very real, very angry atheist. Through the course of the film, we learn that the atheist actually hates god because his son/daughter/wife died and the Christian eventually finds his light again helping the poor lost non-beliver to accept christ.


I call it; Every Kevin Sorbo movie ever made.

[Cod]

The Italian Job

Job moves to Florence and buys a pizza oven.

[Fake Messiah]

# A Christian woman gets invited to her niece's lesbian wedding. At first, she is confused because she is a Christian and her faith doesn't allow her that but, at the same time, it's her niece so she consults her pastor/ priest and he affirms her doubts that she is not allowed to participate in that unnatural even.
But then as she keeps defying her family she gets dragged, against her own will, to the lesbian wedding. At first, the wedding seems normal, but only very shortly, because quickly its unnatural character comes to the surface. And, as the wedding goes on, its adherents behave more and more pagan by insulting God and invoking Baal and Moloch until it becomes fully Satanic when they bring out a statue of Baphomet and sacrifice virgins to it.
But then storms in her priest with a giant cross and his parish commandos (the ones all the secularists and Muslims were throwing fits about and even suing the church for forming its own parish militia). They quickly grab her and help her out of there. And just in the very last moment before a giant hell hole under that wedding hall opens up and swallows all the wedding attendees down to Hell.


# Local Catholic priest hears a guy confessing that he is molesting children and even keeps few kidnapped kids tied in his basement. The priest gives him three Hail Mary's and two Lord's prayers and then goes about his day. But then the secular police storms in with the clue that they know how there is a child molester in this parish. They question the priest did someone confess that crime, but the priest refuses to give answers so they put him in prison and then, as he refuses to admit anything, they put him in deeper depths of prison where he is helping other prisoners who see him as hero, but jailers are angry at the priest because they are actually imposing Stalinism and HillaryClintonism on the prisoners - yes that is a Deep State prison.
And it's more than the prison but whole Deep State facility where they launch their fake TV stations like CNN, MSNBC, print New York Times, print books on evolution and spherical Earth, etc. all preparing to throw down the government and prepare people for the arrival of Satan.
Then one as a priest is doing his daily chores in Deep State prison, he gets to handle corpses of MAGA people that were killed that day by the Deep State. As he is handling them he notices that there are twelve of them - the twelve martyrs. Now that they have been martyred for their Christianity they have magical powers so he quickly takes his MAGA hats and smuggles them to other prisoners. Each of these MAGA hats possesses magical powers from characters of the Bible: one MAGA hat gives its wearer super strength like Samson; another one gives walking on water; third healing; fourth turning water into wine; fifth flying, sixth walking on water, etc.
So now they are an army of the new 12 apostles and they not only take down that Deep State facility and broadcast out what it really is and finally all Christians learn the truth, but they establish a new Christian world council of the New 12 Apostles that now governs the whole world wearing magical MAGA hats.

[A. Secular Human]

# A Christian woman gets invited to her niece's lesbian wedding. At first, she is confused because she is a Christian and her faith doesn't allow her that but, at the same time, it's her niece so she consults her pastor/ priest and he affirms her doubts that she is not allowed to participate in that unnatural even.
But then as she keeps defying her family she gets dragged, against her own will, to the lesbian wedding. At first, the wedding seems normal, but only very shortly, because quickly its unnatural character comes to the surface. And, as the wedding goes on, its adherents behave more and more pagan by insulting God and invoking Baal and Moloch until it becomes fully Satanic when they bring out a statue of Baphomet and sacrifice virgins to it.
But then storms in her priest with a giant cross and his parish commandos (the ones all the secularists and Muslims were throwing fits about and even suing the church for forming its own parish militia). They quickly grab her and help her out of there. And just in the very last moment before a giant hell hole under that wedding hall opens up and swallows all the wedding attendees down to Hell.


# Local Catholic priest hears a guy confessing that he is molesting children and even keeps few kidnapped kids tied in his basement. The priest gives him three Hail Mary's and two Lord's prayers and then goes about his day. But then the secular police storms in with the clue that they know how there is a child molester in this parish. They question the priest did someone confess that crime, but the priest refuses to give answers so they put him in prison and then, as he refuses to admit anything, they put him in deeper depths of prison where he is helping other prisoners who see him as hero, but jailers are angry at the priest because they are actually imposing Stalinism and HillaryClintonism on the prisoners - yes that is a Deep State prison.
And it's more than the prison but whole Deep State facility where they launch their fake TV stations like CNN, MSNBC, print New York Times, print books on evolution and spherical Earth, etc. all preparing to throw down the government and prepare people for the arrival of Satan.
Then one as a priest is doing his daily chores in Deep State prison, he gets to handle corpses of MAGA people that were killed that day by the Deep State. As he is handling them he notices that there are twelve of them - the twelve martyrs. Now that they have been martyred for their Christianity they have magical powers so he quickly takes his MAGA hats and smuggles them to other prisoners. Each of these MAGA hats possesses magical powers from characters of the Bible: one MAGA hat gives its wearer super strength like Samson; another one gives walking on water; third healing; fourth turning water into wine; fifth flying, sixth walking on water, etc.
So now they are an army of the new 12 apostles and they not only take down that Deep State facility and broadcast out what it really is and finally all Christians learn the truth, but they establish a new Christian world council of the New 12 Apostles that now governs the whole world wearing magical MAGA hats.

Damn!  I want some of what you're smokin'!  That's some badass shit!

[The Valkyrie]

A bitter and angry atheist meets a young, friendly, saintly Christian man at some event and finds the the man’s positive outlook in life.

After many long and friendly talks, the man convinced the atheist to read the bible and attend church.

Finally, after more discussions, the friendly man sees the light and becomes an atheist.

Then they’re all killed by the ex-Christians friends for forsaking his beliefs.

A happy Christian ending

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Damn!  I want some of what you're smokin'!  That's some badass shit!

Standard fare at some churches.

[Fake Messiah]

Damn!  I want some of what you're smokin'!  That's some badass shit!

Standard fare at some churches.

Exactly! Every Christian movie's plot sounds like it's creators were on some mushrooms but that's just how Christians are - religion rots their brains and once they leave their religion they frequently feel their IQ suddenly rising.
Like that wedding "movie" was pretty much retelling of this conversation where some woman had a conversation with a catholic priest about attending her sister's lesbian wedding and then quickly they came to conclusion that her sister is satanic probably possessed by satan. And then the comments below of other Catholics who praise the priest in his "wisdom".