Dumbass - Funny stuff from the Bible

[Ferrocyanide]

For a moment, I thought it was calling someone a dumbass but I think it is calling a certain ass “dumb”.


2 Peter 2:15 KING JAMES VERSION
Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam [the son] of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; {2:16} But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man’s voice forbad the madness of the prophet.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

For a moment, I thought it was calling someone a dumbass but I think it is calling a certain ass “dumb”.


2 Peter 2:15 KING JAMES VERSION
Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam [the son] of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness; {2:16} But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man’s voice forbad the madness of the prophet.

 I've always like this for pertinence;  Genesis 27:11 "My brother Esau is a hairy man while I am a smooth skin-----"  (KJV) 

And there's that good ole boy Adam. Being a fucking wimp, when questioned by YHWH, he whines (again) ( Genesis 3:12)  " And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat." Blaming the woman, the second of many, many, many times. Never have liked Adam. Progenitor of the human race? Fuuuuuuck.

Second time? Well depends on whether one believes Jewish apocrypha ; Apparently, Adam's first wife's name was the red headed Lilith. A gutsy broad, when Adam tried to order her about, she told him to get stuffed. So naturally, Adam went whining to YHWH.  Consequently, YHWH smote Lilith and turned her into a demon. According to Jewish folk lore, that's why Jews still considers red headed women unlucky.

"Lilith (/ˈlɪlɪθ/; Hebrew: לִילִית‎, romanized: Līlīṯ) is a demonic figure in Judaic mythology, supposedly the primordial she-demon and alternatively first wife of Adam.[1] She is presumed to be mentioned in Biblical Hebrew in the Book of Isaiah,[2] and later in Late Antiquity in Mandaean Gnosticism mythology and Jewish mythology sources from 500 CE onwards. Lilith appears in historiolas (incantations incorporating a short mythic story) in various concepts and localities[3] that give partial descriptions of her. She is mentioned in the Babylonian Talmud (Eruvin 100b, Niddah 24b, Shabbat 151b, Baba Bathra 73a), in the Book of Adam and Eve as Adam's first wife, and in the Zohar Leviticus 19a as "a hot fiery female who first cohabited with man".[4]"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lilith


I saw the apocryphal book about 40 years go. From memory, I think it was called "The Book of Adam And Eve" or some such.

[Ferrocyanide]

 I've always like this for pertinence;  Genesis 27:11 "My brother Esau is a hairy man while I am a smooth skin-----"  (KJV)

It’s a pretty stupid story.

The actual text is
Genesis 27:11 KING JAMES VERSION
And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man: {27:12} My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver; and I shall bring a curse upon me, and not a blessing.

The Bible has a lot of useless lines such as
Genesis 27:2 KING JAMES VERSION
And he (Isaac) said, Behold now, I am old, I know not the day of my death:

^^^^^No kidding. He is old and he does not know when he is going to die.

So, Isaac wants to bless he son (Esau), as if that actually does something.
Isaac asks Esau to go hunting. Cook something that Isaac likes.
Rebekah, the wife of Isaac, hears this and tells Jacob her plan. Jacob is going to get some goats. Rebekah will cook it. Jacob will take the food to Isaac and Isaac is suppose to be fooled and bless Esau.
Rebekah also covers Jacob with the goat skins so that Jacob seems to be a hairy man, just like Esau.

Jacob takes the food to Isaac. A conversation takes place between them. For some reason, Isaac does not recognize that this guy is not Esau.
Isaac asks to feel Jacob. He feels hairy and thinks that it is indeed Esau.
Isaac blesses Jacob.
A few moments later, Esau arrives.
Isaac says something like too late, I already bless the other guy, whoever he was.
Esau cries and decides he wants to kill Jacob.
Rebekah tells Jacob to leave for a while until Esau forgets this whole thing.
Later on, the jewish god appears in a dream of Jacob and promises to support him. (What kind of a god is this? He supports liars and thieves.)


Here is a funny animated version of the story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-iB28Y-cKo

[Fake Messiah]

Yeah, honest seekers of God should probably start from scratch and ditch the books where God talks from his ass or the other book where someone flies on the ass to talk to God.

[Jehanne]

Yeah, honest seekers of God should probably start from scratch and ditch the books where God talks from his ass or the other book where someone flies on the ass to talk to God.

When one does that, however, they elevate themselves above the Bible, deciding what is and is not authentic.

[vulcanlogician]

Yeah, honest seekers of God should probably start from scratch and ditch the books where God talks from his ass or the other book where someone flies on the ass to talk to God.

When one does that, however, they elevate themselves above the Bible, deciding what is and is not authentic.

Don't people who adhere to the Bible also do that?

[Jehanne]

When one does that, however, they elevate themselves above the Bible, deciding what is and is not authentic.

Don't people who adhere to the Bible also do that?

Most conservative Christians would say that the Bible, in its entirety, is authentically, if not infallibly, inspired.  They would claim that any differences between Christians is over interpretation, not the so-called original "Word of God".  Saying, however, that some portions of the Bible are only literary, or even contain factual errors, is to place oneself over God in deciding Truth.

(I used to think this way long, long ago.  Barf.)

[no one]

The babble is full of the big dumbs.

[Brian37]

Malachi 2:3, "Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."

I actually had a theist apologist argue that that was the KVJ and not the NIV version, which used the word "refuse" and not "dung".

Ok, fine, trash or shit, is it ok to punish "god's children" with trash or shit?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Malachi 2:3, "Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces."

I actually had a theist apologist argue that that was the KVJ and not the NIV version, which used the word "refuse" and not "dung".

Ok, fine, trash or shit, is it ok to punish "god's children" with trash or shit?

In that verse, God is the one speaking. Given what else he did to his children, a face full of poo seems comparatively mild. Check with your local Amalekites. Oh wait - you can’t.

Boru