Standing up to family for what you believe in

[onlinebiker]

^ Is in the over 50 crowd

I understand Catholic mass is very different from the Baptist or Methodist funerals I attend.  I simply go, sit in a pew, sing a song or two, then have lunch with distant cousins, old aunts and uncles.  No synchronized kneeling, chanting and so on.  That stuff creeps me out.  But the after parties:  that's what I like about Catholics.  They know how to throw down. 

I played and sang baritone to Peace in the Valley at Doc's funeral.  I kept Reach out to Jesus ready for the wee hours when people were due for a reckoning with booze.  It doesn't change my lack of belief.  Likewise, believing there are any number of ways to rock doesn't keep me from having fun with There's Only One Way to Rock.

The only thing better than a Catholic wake is a Catholic wedding.

The only thing better than a Catholic wedding is a Polish Catholic wedding.

If a Polish Catholic girl marries a Irish guy - put the National Guard on standby.....

[arewethereyet]

Growing up Catholic in a largely Catholic area I can tell you this - liquor is an important part of post-wedding and post-funeral.

Food and booze - if there's no other reason to attend, you at least get food and drink - free!

[Tomatoshadow2]

@Ranjr Would definitely, enjoy you speaking to my family and just shutting them down haha.

@onlinebiker This is a good one

@arewethereyet Definitely the food, I don't drink anymore, just don't like the taste and like to stay healthy. Glad, you know the upbringing part, your're always pretty chill.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

The fun inherent in a wedding/wake/funeral/baptism varies as the square of the ethnicity of the people involved. The two ends of the spectrum are Anglican (a struggle to stay awake) and Romani (a knife fight breaks out over who gets to drink champagne from the maid of honour's brassiere).

Boru

[Mister Agenda]

For what it's worth, I attended my dad's memorial service Saturday. He was 85 when he died, and very Pentecostal. The service was very Pentecostal, but it's what he would have wanted. Probably even the homophobic story one of the preachers threw in the middle...the relevance was that my dad had a bad accident and came back to Jesus, and the speaker's brother was 'a queen' and had a bad accident and came back to Jesus. He called on everyone who wasn't saved to get saved, but at least there wasn't an 'altar call'. I sang along with a couple of the gospel songs I still knew. I bowed my head and closed my eyes when they prayed. Then they fed us. I enjoyed seeing family.

So I participated when I felt like it, and was respectful when I didn't. YMMV.

[arewethereyet]

For what it's worth, I attended my dad's memorial service Saturday. He was 85 when he died, and very Pentecostal. The service was very Pentecostal, but it's what he would have wanted. Probably even the homophobic story one of the preachers threw in the middle...the relevance was that my dad had a bad accident and came back to Jesus, and the speaker's brother was 'a queen' and had a bad accident and came back to Jesus. He called on everyone who wasn't saved to get saved, but at least there wasn't an 'altar call'. I sang along with a couple of the gospel songs I still knew. I bowed my head and closed my eyes when they prayed. Then they fed us. I enjoyed seeing family.

So I participated when I felt like it, and was respectful when I didn't. YMMV.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father.  That's a tough one.

My dad wanted nothing as far as a funeral or memorial service so we got together with his buddies at the VFA club where he hung out and told stories and many had drinks.  He may have wanted nothing but this seemed quite fitting to us.  It was nice to meet the guys who became his friends after his move from IA to NC as they were also the ones who helped him out in numerous ways in the last years of his life.

It truly was for the living and was a good day.

[Tomatoshadow2]

@BrianSoddingBoru4 It's all fucking craziness man haha.

@Mister Agenda Sorry about your loss, yeah, how did you feel when your dad went back to religion? Was that other person who spoke, what that someone you knew? Yeah seems like they turned to faith in need. I'm glad, your staying strong and know, you don't need religion.

@arewethereyet That does sound like a good time.

My grandpa though, passed away on April 8th. He collapsed in the car, when he was just going to to appointment. No one could save him, my grandma and uncle saw it happen. They're just devastated. On the other side, all my family is trying to guilt trip me. They're just standard people, when it comes to a tragedy, it's then all about religion. One of my cousins tried to tell me it's not, I do trust what he's saying to me, but I know my family will judge me. Thanks y'all for being the fresh mental air I need.

[Mister Agenda]

@Mister Agenda Sorry about your loss, yeah, how did you feel when your dad went back to religion? Was that other person who spoke, what that someone you knew? Yeah seems like they turned to faith in need. I'm glad, your staying strong and know, you don't need religion.

Thanks, Tomato. I was twelve at the time he had his accident, I was still a believer myself then and when he got more religious, so did I. The other person who spoke was my uncle Roger, my dad's brother-in-law. He was a preacher for as long as I can remember.

Definitely don't need religion, and if I did, Unitarian Universalism has all the pluses and few of the minuses (you don't even have to believe God is real). I'll probably have them do my service when I die, I can trust them to do it the way I'd want.

[brewer]

My grandpa though, passed away on April 8th. He collapsed in the car, when he was just going to to appointment. No one could save him, my grandma and uncle saw it happen. They're just devastated. On the other side, all my family is trying to guilt trip me. They're just standard people, when it comes to a tragedy, it's then all about religion. One of my cousins tried to tell me it's not, I do trust what he's saying to me, but I know my family will judge me. Thanks y'all for being the fresh mental air I need.

I watched both my parents die in hospice, (not at the same time) saw the death rattle/last gasp. Gave them both religious send offs, it's what they wanted and the community expected. When the religious mourners/life celebrators came around I politely said 'Thank You' and/or 'I'm not ready to talk about it yet'. They weren't trying to guilt trip me, but as the indoctrinated, it's all that they knew. Don't hate them for being sheep, they don't know any better.

If you're as young as I think, sounds like you'll have to do this a few more times. Make a plan.

[Tomatoshadow2]

@Mister Agenda You're welcome, how did you and now, do you get along with your uncle Rodger? Interesting, for myself, I would just want my organs donated and my body cremated, won't have any use when I'm dead.

@brewer I gotcha, that's definitely tough, sorry to know you had to see that, that was the same with my grandpa, he lost his strength and ability to do stuff, very slowly. That's a good way to tell people thanks, I called my grandma a few weeks ago, she was in a really happy mood, and has really accepted my grandpa is gone and 'never coming back' as she said. She wasn't mad I didn't go the funeral, she understood. She now goes to church with my uncle on sundays. My uncle is taking it really tough, drinking a lot, wishes he would of done more to save my grandpa, when I told him, nothing else could be done. I know, I've reminded myself one day a lot of the people I care about, will be gone.