If Abortion Becomes Illegal

[The Grand Nudger]

It' s the point of the OP you pinhead.

Missed that part didja?

I think you're mistaken, I never implied that child support currently covered 50 percent of expenses, (which isn't the point you were making.)

In point of mere fact, even the system understands that, as most states insist you're on the hook for child support and half of medical and educational bills.  Not that they enforce it (or even could, if they wanted to..or should..if they could).

[arewethereyet]

We have a couple people on here who like to use, as examples, people of great means.

The average woman has to fight to get anything as far as child support goes with the men often waiting till they are going to be picked up on a warrant and then make a small payment toward their back child support.  In the meantime, the child still needs food, clothing, housing, and care.  If all women had the money to hire big, powerful attorneys and keep going back to court again and again then the concept of child support being something that happens like it should would maybe work.

Of course, this is not always the case.  But when it is the case, the child suffers and the court system profits.  Maybe that's why they want more babies and fewer terminations.

I had to fight to try to get child support from my louse of an ex husband. Never got a dime. I've seen so many children lose out in these situations, too. Didn't really have time to fight it myself. Had to work to keep putting food on the table, the kids clothed, and make sure they didn't get themselves too hurt. Even if I did keep fighting, who knows how things would've turned out. Might not have even worked out then. I've seen a lot of cases of dead beat dads who just don't pay their child support, or do just enough to keep the courts off their backs. It sounds all well and good on paper, but in reality: It's far more complicated.

Though my older daughter's father joined the Navy and I had his address and SSN, the state couldn't find him.  *eyeroll*  He never paid a dime and at one point told me he knew I could handle it...why, thanks, ya bum.  After a brief stint in the military he never held another job that would result in him receiving a W-2 or a 1099 for the sole purpose of not having to pay support. 

My son's father, after not paying anything for seven years, informed me one at one time that he couldn't send his $75.00 in child support because it was Christmas there...well, we were in different time zones but not that damn different.  

It's a screwed up system.  If anyone thinks that $75.00 a month was saving us, think again.  There were times I worked two jobs to make ends come a little closer together, they never met.

[The Grand Nudger]

Seventy five a month, did he need a lawyer to get that? I might sacrifice a goat for those numbers. I always had the same sense of wondrous amusement at my stepsiblings dads commitments. You can have three kids and end up with a $25 bill? Why the fuck wasn't I told this? I'd still be paying over a grand for my one child I;ve not seen since before she was one, and then half of the bills on top - but my credit would be immaculate and I wouldn't have to hustle to get a new farm for my other kids.

[arewethereyet]

Seventy five a month, did he need a lawyer to get that?  I might sacrifice a goat for those numbers.  I always had the same sense of wondrous amusement at my stepsiblings dads commitments.  You can have three kids and end up with a $25 bill?  Why the fuck wasn't I told this?  I'd still be paying over a grand for my one child I;ve not seen since before she was one, and then half of the bills on top - but my credit would be immaculate and I wouldn't have to hustle to get a new farm for my other kids.

For seven years I got nothing and for seven years I usually got $75.00 a month.  You can do the math on that and see the contribution over 14 years.  

Ex was all about sports.  I asked him when our son wanted to play Pop Warner football if he could help out a bit with costs.  He sent $15.00.  The only contribution toward the kid playing multiple sports most of his life.

And the whole time I bit my tongue to not talk bad about him in front of our son. There were times I nearly popped a blood vessel in my brain trying to remain civil.

[The Grand Nudger]

LOL, fifteen bucks wont buy the cream to kill the rash the pads give you. That's pretty solid of you, whatever issues you and the ex have aren't your sons...and I guess it's sad when we have to hold our tongues. Obviously not a thing for me, so I have no point of reference. Like I have no point of reference for not wanting or giving a shit about your own loved ones. People ask me about my ex and I tell them she was one of the best people I've ever met (why the fuck else would I have married her?), and I've been around the world. They ask me about divorce, I can easily say it was my fault in every way that matters..and that even if she had a hand in it, her hand wasn't required. We'd lost that loving feeling. Also that I recommend it. It's a learning experience. Who gets anything right the first time?

The gripes I have about our system round down to the fact that it's intentionally punitive, completely sexist (from both ends)...and barely serves the least number of people while maximally harming the greatest. You couldn't design it to be more shitty..and amusingly, we absolutely did design it to be shitty. For everyone. A rare moment of unwelcome competence. Institutions are heartless busybodies that can't get right.

[arewethereyet]

I'll add that when I was pregnant with our son the ex got another woman pregnant. Didn't know till ex decided that Christmas day when my son was 17, would be a great time to let him know that he had a sister four months younger than him. I'm still biting my tongue as my son has a bit of a relationship with that sister though none with their father. It's not their fault that dad's a POS.

Got that one wrong totally.

[The Grand Nudger]

Well, you know, in the spirit of being me...I'd suggest you didn't get it entirely wrong..just that whatever you got right didn't necessitate his continued involvement.

The same was true of either myself, or my ex (or both). We knew what we were getting when we rolled the biological dice, and we wanted that, even if we didn't want each other anymore or beyond it. My big little girl is amazing, from what I know, and that shit aint all me, lol.

[The Grand Nudger]

OTOH, in the spirit of the thread. The Wife spent years...years concealing out of shame that she'd had an abortion. More shame than when she got popped for an unpaid ticket from more than a decade prior amounting to a night in jail. I still tease her about it. Not because I don't fucking love that she spent a night in jail. I do...and it's particularly funny because the kids are old enough to remember it.... and when I think about it it just makes me think she's even cuter...but precisely because I know it bothers her. I'd hate to see those two narratives combined. Then I'd fell like a real dick.....especially because I'd still tease her about it. The fucking worst. See why the ex left me?

[arewethereyet]

Well, you know, in the spirit of being me...I'd suggest you didn't get it entirely wrong..just that whatever you got right didn't necessitate his continued involvement.  

The same was true of either myself, or my ex (or both).  We knew what we were getting when we rolled the biological dice, and we wanted that, even if we didn't want each other anymore or beyond it.  My big little girl is amazing, from what I know, and that shit aint all me, lol.

What I have is our son.  What the ex missed out on (by his own choice) was our son.

I win.

***I'm not completely forgiving...I fucking won that one.

[Divinity]

Seventy five a month, did he need a lawyer to get that?  I might sacrifice a goat for those numbers.  I always had the same sense of wondrous amusement at my stepsiblings dads commitments.  You can have three kids and end up with a $25 bill?  Why the fuck wasn't I told this?  I'd still be paying over a grand for my one child I;ve not seen since before she was one, and then half of the bills on top - but my credit would be immaculate and I wouldn't have to hustle to get a new farm for my other kids.

For seven years I got nothing and for seven years I usually got $75.00 a month.  You can do the math on that and see the contribution over 14 years.  

Ex was all about sports.  I asked him when our son wanted to play Pop Warner football if he could help out a bit with costs.  He sent $15.00.  The only contribution toward the kid playing multiple sports most of his life.

And the whole time I bit my tongue to not talk bad about him in front of our son. There were times I nearly popped a blood vessel in my brain trying to remain civil.

You're less spiteful than I am. I never kept a civil tongue when talking about my ex husband. My kids knew how much I despised him, and how irresponsible he was. It wasn't all spite, mind you. I didn't want any of them turning out like him, either. That $15.00 is pretty much nothing, at least judging by how much it cost my sons to play football. Probably even more these days. And that's not counting equipment and shoes. 

People underestimate how hard it is for single and divorced moms (or dads as the case may be). It's not even always about the money. Sometimes it's about the time. Everyone needs a little time to themselves once in a while. And if you're parenting by yourself, that's MUCH harder to come by. I'm not saying "Man, I'd love to have had a day off every week." But shit. An hour every week to myself, no kids. No work. That was the dream.